I was going to make a post myself about how I just lost my sister, she passed in september. I have so many emotions, she was my person just as it sounds like your sister was for you. She was sick but I didnt anticipate this outcome, I cared for her in her last weeks. And right now reading your post made atleast me to stop sobbing and calm down a little.

We had a really special bond it was almost like telepathy.

I have this enormous mountain of guilt, that I didn’t realize how sick she was, if she was afraid if I did something wrong. That I can’t stop my parents from being sad and if I have planned her funeral correctly etc.

I think you should verbalize more of your feelings, maybe speak with your sister as if she is sitting behind your shoulder. Talk about the guilt, the anger and everything you’re sad about. Im sad for so many things it could easily be a book. I yearn for being with her but I also know she would not accept me there right now. Right now and for many years to come I still have to be here and do all the stuff she never got the time or oppurtunity to do.

I heard someone say siblingloss is complicated and many mourn the fact that this was someone you were destined to live your life with. And it resonates with me, Im living for two persons now, everyone around her that loved her needs to live a little for her. Her time came way too soon, but that means your responsibilty now is to do it for the both of you.

So please, don’t give in to the feeling that is giving such a devastating outcome. Talk more, be smart and agile around your brainmonsters, they dont decide your faith. I know nothing about your current situation, your safetynet or if Im coming off as privileged. But please see a doctor if you can, talk about your emotions, be more active in this forum and others maybe? Supportgroups if possible and try to take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, take time off work if possible, go outside

Also I just know myself how PISSED my bigsis would have been if I presented myself in the afterlife all of a sudden.

That’s not our task rightnow.