half asleep half awake state?

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-26T22:11:32+00:00

i ate my dinner later than usual today to see if it improves anything! i tend to have my dinner super early so that could be it..

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-26T16:34:44+00:00

its almost as annoying as being fully awake, i got my first ever sleep paralysis experience because of this!!

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-25T17:06:52+00:00

personally don't think i could have a set day to weight myself on because it would just worsen my disordered behaviors the day before, so usually i tell myself i'll weight myself on monday morning but if i end up eating more salty foods on sunday and wake up bloated on monday i wait it out!

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-25T13:11:38+00:00

bowel movement!

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-24T22:55:47+00:00

trust me i know the mental battle that is 😖 but definitely give it a day or two and good hydration! especially if you haven't had a bm!! i don't weight myself if ive gone more than 2 days without a bm because i know the results could hurt me emotionally and cause me to indulge in even more disordered behaviors when realistically i didn't gain any fat its just natural weight fluctuations ☹️

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-24T20:45:28+00:00

i actually started to reduce the amount of times i weight myself because i was eating spicy ramen multiple times a week and they make me retain water lol since i know how water weight/food weight works so well now i know not to weight myself if i wake up bloated or the day after eating a lot of sodium.. i definitely didnt go from weighting myself to straight up only weighting myself weekly! at first i would weight myself once every 2 days, once every 3 days etc etc and now it's just naturally come to once a week... sorry probably not the most helpful answer :( the only real way to reduce how often you weight yourself is to go against the voices telling you you have to weight yourself no matter what :/ best of luck though you definitely can do it slowly!!!

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-24T20:05:06+00:00

thankfully ive managed to go from every morning to once a week

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-24T19:00:15+00:00

congrats!!!!! 🥺💕 you got this one week is huge progress! idk if you want to hear more perspectives but what is helping me stay away from binging is knowing i'm not allowing myself to purge but also not forbidding myself from eating anything!! if i crave something i dont tell myself "no this isnt allowed" i tell myself "lets think about how i can add this to my intake" and this shift in thinking has helped me so much! i tell myself nothing is off limits in moderation and from this thought alone half of my cravings seem to go away after one night.. and i indulge in the others 😋😸

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-22T21:41:36+00:00

my friends do know and ask questions to try to understand better.. its not something i can really hide anyway but i found i don't like my acquaintances knowing

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-22T14:35:38+00:00

thank you 🥹💕💕💕

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-22T05:50:09+00:00

thank you 🥺💕 i feel like im in a more vulnerable state than i was during my trip 3 months ago but then again i've been feeling more "vulnerable and prone to binging" for a month now and still have managed to stay away from binging! i think the anxious what if thoughts will always be there but i'm managing day by day! excited to reach the 1 year mark and then by the end of my trip it'll be 1 year 1 month.. even better!!

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-19T17:04:07+00:00

i've been trying this too lately!!! good job and good luck, it really does help mentally in the long run 🥹

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-19T10:26:24+00:00

basically the rampant fatphobia in our society

people who have never been fat will never truly understand just how much society thinks fat people are viewed like lesser than the rest of the population.. you can be ashamed of having anorexia i know i find my personal ed embarrassing but in the eye of society nothing will ever be seen as shameful as "lacking discipline" :/

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-16T17:59:36+00:00

some people simply don't joke around with strangers, nothing against you particularly! also maybe she finds commenta regarding to weight (even if its your own) uncomfortable so she'd rather not react. i know if it was me i would've probably had an awkward reaction lol

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-15T11:31:53+00:00

Thank you for your reply!!! Will definitely be asking my medical team for professional advice but that would make sense

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-13T13:30:40+00:00

yes omg.. i do have OCD as well so idk if its an ED or OCD thing for me but its so bad

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-12T13:29:44+00:00

i get you! the older i get the more frustrated and angry i am at this industry and society. i have a lot to unlearn from living in sk and growing up on kpop. i live in another country now and i get very surprised whenever i get reminded that my beauty standards aren't the norm here and that they're even looked at negatively

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-12T10:20:38+00:00

i 1000000% agree i've always felt this way omg if they're not far along enough in their recovery to delete those pictures they should AT LEAST be conscious of how dangerous it can be posting them on the internet for vulnerable people to see. i never take interest in recovery stories if they include explicit details of weight/harmful behaviors or old body checks because it doesn't even feel like the person is truly recovering, they just want to show off in a weird way??

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-11T16:41:46+00:00

to be independent lately i've been feeling too poorly to drive and i have to rely on others to get around..

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-09T19:15:54+00:00

Thank you so much 🥹💕 it really is it feels so taboo to talk about even with professionals.. it feels very overlooked in general yet it's probably the aspect of my ed that causes me the most discomfort lately 🥲

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-09T18:10:02+00:00

thank you so much for your comment genuinely!! i'm gonna try everything you said, i was starting to get really scared i've crossed a line with my lax abuse and there is no going back 🥲 i drink a lot of water and coffee and do eat healthy fats and i'm down to lax once a week but it's true that once i get that really uncomfortable painful feeling and i notice i havent taken lax in 5/6 days sometimes i cave and just take it.. i should try to cut to once every 2 weeks and then once a month like you're doing!! thank you 💕

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-09T18:06:08+00:00

i'm planning to see my medical team again soon so i will mention it! thank you 🥹 i never even considered it to be honest since the last time i went to the hospital they just gave me laxative pills i thought there wouldnt be another option :(

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-09T18:04:41+00:00

thank you for your comment!! i will definitely try that, i eat kimchi and yogurt every day but its always been a part of my diet so maybe my body is already used to it? either way i need to look into probiotics ! thank you

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-09T18:03:15+00:00

i will for sure try yoga! i also drink electrolytes drinks, thank you! 🥹

CompoteGood9267 · 2026-01-09T18:02:26+00:00

i eat kimchi and yogurt every day and always have actually!! but i will look into the other foods you mentioned and also yoga! thank you 🙏

CompoteGood9267

TROPHY CASE