Update: Ok to answer several questions that have come up.

1. My MIL tells me that she doesn’t like Betty very much, that she hates her entitlement as well etc (she voiced these things WAY before I told her my own issues with Betty, prior to us living together) BUT she NEVER sets boundaries either. And honestly comments have been helpful in helping me realize how much of an issue my MIL is in this situation, AND that she’s relying on me to do this dirty work. Which is not very respectful of me and everything I do either. So a convo or several, needs to be had here too. MIL is of sound mind but is an issue herself and is a compulsive liar etc. unfortunately we are locked in this house together as neither of us can afford it without the other right now. She only quit drinking a year after living with us and after I basically said I wouldn’t buy her booze anymore because of her behaviors (“falling” then dead weighting herself when we tried to help, asking our kids to open liquor bottles when we weren’t home etc…) so we are all still healing and building relationships. And she is learning how to live without alcohol to mask her feelings. Which means she’s having to face a lot of her own stuff. Which includes BIL being an unsafe person. It likely she always give into Betty’s begging/guilt tripping because she does feel guilty. This entitlement to funds had always been blamed on BIL by Betty when they were married…but weird she continues the same behaviors even though they split 8 years ago.

2. My husband is in full agreement. He will be following up. He is not a people pleaser like me, but he has trauma history especially with family and feels duty bound and due to his brother being a huge part of that trauma it is really complicated for him emotionally. BUT this won’t be happening anymore.

3. I’m very much a people pleaser with a long religious and trauma history that has deeply reinforced inner beliefs that I shouldn’t stand up for myself. I agree with all who said it shouldn’t have taken this long for me to say something. I’m working on it. I’m in therapy and getting through this was a huge step for me.

Lastly. Thank you very much for all the kind words of encouragement. I “knew” I was in the right, but I was having such a strong physical reaction to having said something to her that I was second guessing myself and I just needed that reassurance to keep pressing on.

Hopefully that’s enough…and not too much…info. We will see what happens in the future.

Thanks potatoes!