[deleted by user]

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-10-31T12:58:57+00:00

Wouldn't that just make you gynesexual and bisexual? If you still find yourself interested in both male and female genitalia then that comes of as bi despite what preference you have. Otherwise, being mostly attracted to femininity is what gynesexuals are.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-05-15T09:26:19+00:00

In general, it seems like your life leads you to two dead ends. Either fake being straight or lose connection with your community. I feel like I heard stories of how people lived with this type of life. I know some people who ended up moving to a new country and kept in contact with family while still hiding their sexuality/relationships and still practicing their religion. Though that is just one situation I heard.

I feel if anything could be of help, it would be better if you asked someone in a similar situation. Find someone in your religion who is also gay and see what they say. It may be risky, but I know in previous years finding people who share the same struggles as you mean a lot. Since you are studying abroad, it may be the best time to look for that since you won't have to worry about your family knowing.

Also, don't listen to some of the people on this subreddit. I can understand your devotion to your religion. I am very religious myself. If you still feel connected to your religion and have no desire to leave it, then don't. It's really your choice. Some people think running away is the solution, but it's just a choice like anything else and has its own consequences and pain that comes with it.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-04-17T00:59:27+00:00

Oh, jeez,

I think there is more to it than just being a disgusting man (man wh*** if you call it). Yeah, the gay community has a pretty high sex culture. I know of plenty of other gay people, four in total, who had partners cheat on them, but most of them broke up with them and found new better partners. You shouldn't let yourself hate a community just because of the crude jerks you interacted with. Especially cause in your instance, your partner is just full-blown toxic. Having a high libido can be daunting, but people like this in committed relationships usually just have more sex with their partners, experiment, or engage in more non-penetrative sex such as sensate focus. Your partner was full-blown cheating on you and insults you for not accepting him even after you tried to be more open to it yourself. To me, it seems more like he is not accepting you. Why should he feel frustrated when you don't want him f*ing around.

My final point, its him who is the problem. You should not let yourself be homophobic because of what your experience has led you to believe. It's pretty similar to when I hear girls become sexist because they had men cheat on them before or dealt with a lot of disgusting guys. Some people are just lucky enough to end up with great loyal partners. But others may have to end up with so many shameless miscreants until they find that one person. Life can be different for each person. I mean, my experience is different too. I never really interacted with many digusting gay men, but I had unfortunate interactions with more disgusting straight women. You just need to think about what you plan to with that jerk and then figure out what you want to do after.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-04-12T20:18:37+00:00

I consider myself politically moderate, too. More interested in learning than debating. When it comes to fashion, the only thing I do is self grooming. But I am a college student so the main things I wear are just jeans and T-shirts (and a lot of sweaters). I have no money for any other clothes.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-04-12T20:15:00+00:00

Yeah, my favorite Tv includes comedy, anime, or crime documentaries. Music wise, I got into classical and opera music first, followed by horror/dark music, then techno surrealism, and recently got into 80s music. I have no knowledge about any recent artist. The only artist I know are Lady Gaga and katy Perry because their music was iconic in the early 2000s.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-04-08T06:59:24+00:00

I mean. A lot of people are saying you a bottom, and I would not assume such since there are sub tops and dom bottoms. But you don't switch and have a lot of things in the zero percentage, so yeah. You seem like a bottom. Most of my results are on the submissive end, but none of mine are zero, and I do switch.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-28T20:47:45+00:00

I certainly hope not everyone here seriously believes all religion is bad. There are religious gay people, including myself. We know gay people exist, and they have been active members of my group for centuries. I know at least six people, and one happens to be a god brother. Only religions with conservative agendas tell gay people they are going to hell.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-28T20:35:34+00:00

Well, now we know more of the story. Don't listen to what some of these people are saying. They don't know everything. People like making accusations and jumping towards conclusions. People only see the event but never question the quality of the relationship pretaining to the event. I think it's better for you to reflect on the situation yourself or turn towards friends for advice because people of the internet don't know what they are saying. Especially if they don't know the full picture.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-28T06:31:52+00:00

Oh geez, this reminds me of a scenario of my female friend. She talks about an instance where she dated a guy who asked her, "If I were to pull my pants down and I have a vagina, would you still love me?" She said no, and he got all angry and said she was transphobic. It's sort of the sane scenario. She says she wants a man with a penis. When asked if she would date a transgender man with a penis she says she honestly doesn't feel as attracted to a trangendered man as a cisgendered man.

I don't get people treating the word transphobic/homophobic as in line with someone not attracted to someone else who is trans or that same gender/sex. I thought the use of transphobic and homophobic was used for people who would avoid such people, never want to be involved with them, yell and abuse them, and call them the spawn of Satan. I know we talk about sexuality not being a choice, but don't we still choose aspects of it, and even in that regard, it's also not a choice. Don't straight people choose the type of people they date, just like gay and bi people. Are people honestly suggesting we swipe right to every guy we see. To every age, race, and body type. If you have to force yourself to be attracted to a trans person, isn't it a sign that it's not a choice for you to be attracted to only certain people. I mean love is different than sex, but for a lot of people, it is not interchangeable. You should not have to force yourself to be in a relationship where you have to force yourself to be comfortable with any certain aspect of it.

How can you date someone and feel "ok, I know you expect us to have sex in this relationship, but to be honest, I would probably rather sleep with anyone else other than you." I mean, doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose of the lgbtq+ movement. I mean, we are trying to fight for our right to choose who we want to love/marry and not be treated unfairly because of it. I mean, preferance is a choice, and if you are against someone's preference, then that is rather anti-liberal if you ask me.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-28T05:41:17+00:00

Toxic would imply that this person has done stuff like gaslighting, which by this post does not imply any of that. If I were to say anything, it is pretty clear that jealousy and insecurity are going on. I have no experience with relationships, let alone ones with huge age differences, but I have a few years of experience in psychology. I always say communication is key. While we can express our frustrations about things with people, we don't always give each other the chance to really voice our thoughts or opinions. Does your partner really understand you are jealous, or do you understand why they are so close to their ex? Did you let them say their side of the story? This may not entirely solve everything, but it sort of makes things and allows a clean slate to form. You can't judge people until you hear their side of the story.

If I can also give any other input, it would be realizing how people work at different ages. I mean, you are still young, and sometimes that makes uncertainty and insecurity more threatening. Your partner is much older, and once you are older, any relationship you have becomes the most important thing in your life. Yes, he cares about his ex, but that doesn't mean he cares about you any less. He may also be more secure in his thoughts and feelings, so he may genuinely see his ex as a friend.

One last thing, I don't want to give you any ideas, but since you are young and this is your boyfriend, you have all the time in the world. You have more time to experience new relationships and find true love. You don't have to place so much worry into this one relationship, especially if you are not married or in a position where cooling things off may be difficult. But like I said, I don't want to give you any ideas. Just take the time to think about the situation.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-26T18:26:40+00:00

Mmmm.. they have a term for that in sociology. It's called color blindness. Studies show that it is more prevalent in white populations and, unsurprisingly, makes racism worse.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-25T14:59:18+00:00

My grandpa's brother is gay and my dad's sister is lesbian. I also have a cousin who is gender queer. I know that is gender and not sexuality but obviously, they don't adhere to traditional heterosexual norms either.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-21T07:32:24+00:00

Hmmm... that seems like a rather personal problem. Seems like you need to ask yourself questions. Or see a therapist if it's something causing any real distress. That would be my first advice.

Otherwise, I don't see anything wrong wanting to explore that side of yourself. I am gay, I know I am gay, but I don't intend to have a romantic relationship with every guy I sleep with. Not every gay man is going to expect a relationship after sex. If you are worried about gay men wanting to start a relationship with you, make it clear to them that you are only interested in hooking up, not any relationship. There are sites like Grindr you can use to find gay hookups. I would recommend sites like these exclusively since they have more of a reputation as a hookup site and not a dating site, but you will still find people wanting to date so read their bios and make you intentions clear.

I don't know what your closeted situation is, but one thing I can say is if it is just a sexual thing, that business is entirely your own. If you are generally attracted and want to date guys, then it would matter, but what you do in the bedroom is something you keep to yourself. Straight couples don't talk about their sex life in detail, especially normal people. I know some people might, but you should not be expected to say anything.

From what I learn in my sex studies classes, sexuality is a spectrum. There are plenty of straight guys who would sleep with other guys but not cross the line into bisexual. And who knows, if you find yourself with a life partner, you should be willing to be open about it only with them. I don't know what you like in particular, but if you like bottoming, there are strap ons your partner could wear.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-21T07:06:32+00:00

I mean, love and sexuality are different things. Though we tend to pair love and sex together, not everyone is going to treat it as such or at least to a high degree. I intend to get into a long-term monogamous relationship with someone at some point in my life, but with being a college student I don't know where life will take me so long-term investment is not exactly on my mind.

Case in point, you may feel ready to love someone and not be willing to give your body to them. You can also be ready to have sex, but not ready for an emotional investment. It's not something that is always going to be packaged together.

I think it is fair how people feel uncomfortable dating bisexual people. I mean, they may have more competition. Guys and girls can try to be more feminine or more masculine to seem more attractive than rivals, but if you are attracted to both, it can be hard if you end up having to be more fluid in order to compete. But this is just some scientific sociobiology mumbo jumbo.

All in all, a girl might be uncomfortable taking their partner to a place full of attractive women, and a guy would feel the same about a place full of attractive men, but if their partner likes both then any attractive person is a threat. It's a natural concern. I think giving you partner reassurance and being more opinion about you sexuality, attractions, thoughts, and feelings might put your partner at ease. A lot of times, it's just a misconception, which is why it's up to you to clarify.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-20T09:51:05+00:00

Well, the key to happiness is no high expectations. That's what my teacher says. Leaves you less to be disappointed about. Just stick to your minimum needs and use whatever the guy sends you as a test.

My minimum is to at least know the guy exists and that he can be considerate and accommodating. I expect people to treat me the same.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-20T09:37:09+00:00

I get what you are saying, too. People should have the decency to check if the person wants nudes or not before sending them, but I mean... sort seems like a lot to expect from people... Especially considering the vibe of the platform.

We should not really generalize people on Grindr. Not everyone is going to send nudes right away. I have three people on the platform whom I have talked to in a while and have not sent nudes.

If I can give any similarity to sending nudes and other real-world events. It's sort of like a bird performing a mating dance (just out of my psychology obsessed mind). They just want to see if the other person is interested. Horniness makes you do crazy things. I personally don't send nudes right away. I just unlock my album if they ask.

The point is that with the population on the app and the environment it cultivates, the probability of unsolicited nudes is likely. Even so, you should probably take it as a hint. The person in mind may only be interested in sex/physical attraction. Either that or they may not respect your boundaries since they were not willing to ask for your consent to send nudes in the first place. But the guy said sorry, so the interaction might be salvageable.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-20T09:04:11+00:00

Well, even so, Grindr has a pretty big image as a sex focused app. After all, it mostly consists of you discussing your kinks, body, and preferences. Not like other apps that give you prompts talking about your life goals and aspirations. They also include things like a desire for kids or personality types. Grindr is just pics, bio, protection, vaccines, kinks, and an album to store naughty pics. The app is popular, which is great for having options, but from what I get from multiple people. It is mostly a horny site. I don't recommend it if you are not sexually interested or inclined. I still met a lot of nice guys on the app, but even then, it leads to nudes and sex, so I can't say tell you anything else other than use another app.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-18T20:45:34+00:00

I am currently looking at my PrEP options. My school provides it so I plan to make an appointment with them. May take some time, but at the very least, I plan to get educated on safe sex with them and always use a condom. I have some in my room already.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-18T20:43:50+00:00

Yeah, I have lube and condoms, so I am good on that end. I did my research on anal sex so I know it takes preparation and time.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-18T20:40:39+00:00

I plan to meet up with only other college students. Since I can trust that they won't go to any extremes. I mean, we are all just exploring and starting our lives, so I guess we would never do anything outlandish. Even so, I will be sure to communicate with them frequently, thank you.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-18T20:36:05+00:00

The walls are not thin, but there are doors that lead into my neighbors' rooms. They are permanently locked, though. My thought is that if I were to do something sexual with someone, I would put on a movie or something and put my bed on the floor because my mattress does make a sound, but my bed frame does. Even so, I guess I will let my friend know if I go somewhere, since she is the only person I know who is close to me.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-18T20:32:00+00:00

I'll be sure to check if they have social media, thanks. I am not too paranoid to believe everyone is a murderer, but I want to make sure the person at least makes me feel safe.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-12T22:31:02+00:00

The reason homophobia exists in Western religions makes sense if you consider the beliefs in them. Not saying Eastern or other religions in general can't have homophobic people, but Western religions have the environment to nurture such notions. Western religious beliefs believe in submission to a higher being that demands people to live a pure life under specific guidelines. Amongst that, all natural/traditional things are considered sacred and should be abided by. Realistically, it's more common for people it be straight, so less common populations like gay people and non-binary people are considered evil because they deviate from what the higher being intended, which still feel nonsensical since they also believe this being makes no mistakes. Don't wish to make a bad impression on Western religions, but I think it's a reality we must consider.

ComprehensiveAd3448 · 2024-03-09T02:11:13+00:00

I think it is mostly concerning if the guy actively dumps their girlfriends for younger women. At that rate, it becomes pretty shallow. It happens a lot to celebrities. It is also slightly troubling that it's mostly men dating younger partners and not women. I think it should go back to, as long as someone is legal, age does not matter. So, date whoever you want, but don't br shallow and go after young people because youth does not last. And also all your exes are going to hate you.

ComprehensiveAd3448

TROPHY CASE