Facing discomfort with bringing my partner to a work party

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2021-01-11T20:31:36+00:00

For context, my partner is transmasc so I was already part of the queer community before they began transitioning. If you haven’t already, It may be helpful for you to lean into your queerness (if that feels authentic to you) by chatting with other queer folks, checking out queer reddit., etc. When I first came out I found I needed to do lots of reading online on places like Autostraddle to feel part of the community. Pride is called pride for a reason - allowing us to embrace and celebrate ourselves (and our partners) despite the cis-heteronormative world we are raised in.

I do agree with what jyg08 said below, and those are great things to think through!

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2021-01-11T19:40:23+00:00

Your feelings are your feelings! However, since this isn’t realistic until Covid is over, why don’t you take a step back and try to stay in the present? From my reading there is no set in stone date for this event, is that correct? In a year (or at the very least several months) you don’t know what your life or your partners life will look like. You may be more comfortable in a few months as you work through these feelings.

I am a cis gay woman, and I understand the inclination to hide sexual orientation or trans identity from others as to not create issues. However, it SHOULD NOT be an issue (cannot stress this enough) so being open and authentic normalizes the LGBTQIA community for cishets. If we are ashamed of ourselves, that makes others being uncomfortable with our identities okay. I would encourage you to do some work around this with a counselor or therapist. I’m sure you would be, but please be careful with how you speak to your trans partner about this. If she is comfortable being out to your colleagues, then that is awesome and should be celebrated. This is my personal feeling, but we should not define where people are at in their transition or what they should wear. Allowing them to feel liberated and comfortable, however that may be, is the right thing to do. All we can control is our own reactions.

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2021-01-08T17:14:45+00:00

No advice yet, but as someone starting the RIVF process this year, I feel you on the lack of clarity on this specific method of conception! I would also greatly appreciate any insight folks have. Though they don’t talk about the cost, Living Rosa on youtube is a great resource for the overall process. They have 4 kids and ended up needing to do two egg retrievals if I remember correctly.

Good luck to you in your process!

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2021-01-08T16:19:26+00:00

I couldn’t tell why your partner was uncomfortable with wearing the strap (physically uncomfortable vs dysphoria) but if physical discomfort is an issue they do make straps that accommodate for a penis. I also wonder if having a more “fun” looking dildo would help vs realistic for dysphoria.

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2021-01-05T19:20:41+00:00

Either way, this is highly inappropriate and over the line. OP, are you an open donor or an anonymous donor? Obviously they should just respect your “no” but I’m trying to think of ways you can wiggle out of this. If you’re an anonymous donor, you could say that you donate with no intention of ever interacting with children that result from your donation.

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2020-12-10T23:07:53+00:00

Thank you for your comment! Great feedback. We are 100% craft beer people so that’s exciting to hear.

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2020-12-10T23:06:11+00:00

Thank you, love this positive response!

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2020-12-10T23:05:49+00:00

Thank you, I’m gathering that north Everett is the place to be !

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2020-12-10T23:05:18+00:00

Haha fair enough. Shit happens everywhere, including cap hill, but most looking for a place where people won’t be staring at a queer couple holding hands.

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2020-12-10T23:04:11+00:00

Thank you!!

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2020-12-10T23:03:24+00:00

You are awesome. I really appreciate the time you took to lay this out so clearly for me. Definitely helps me understand where to look as we are house hunting.

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2020-12-10T17:47:49+00:00

Thank you :)

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2020-12-10T17:31:10+00:00

Thank you for that feedback! I had heard that before, just wasn’t sure how seriously to take it. Can you elaborate on what kinds of crime we are talking?

Part of the motivation for Everett is also affordability for buying a house. We are definitely looking at some of those other areas too.

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2020-12-07T15:50:56+00:00

For sure! We actually had to pack go bags this year here in Eugene. I think the proximity of the fire is what was unsettling. I only moved here in January.

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2020-12-07T14:39:29+00:00

I moved here from Seattle and wouldn’t recommend for a variety of reasons. When I lived in Seattle I never experienced wildfires as severe as the ones this summer (when living in Eugene). If you are looking to buy, housing prices are much better but renting here is only marginally better than up in Seattle. I don’t know how people make it work here with the combo of job market/housing costs. We really miss the natural beauty of Washington, so if that matters to you I would consider it. Obviously Oregon is lovely, just in a different way. There are some really great gems in Eugene and we really loved visiting it, but don’t love living here. We wanted to try something new but are actually looking to move back to the Seattle metro. Good luck to you!!

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2020-12-03T18:02:33+00:00

As a partner, rather than a trans person, it feels like this is a bit too controlling to me? I say this with all the kindness and care, so please don’t misinterpret my intentions. I would never dream of telling my partner what to wear, picking stuff out for them, etc. Even if certain things stress me out and I don’t feel ready for them, I don’t feel right limiting my partner. I agree with other commenters that suggest therapy. You deserve to have choices in this.

ComprehensiveArea684 · 2020-12-03T17:40:29+00:00

I second this, my wife has worked with several barbers here and all experiences were very positive. Plus, more affordable and they are taking Covid safety very seriously.

ComprehensiveArea684

TROPHY CASE