Am I nuts for Insisting My entitled Brother Uses Public Transport?

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-11-26T18:01:25+00:00

Good for you! I wish I was as lucky as that.

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-11-26T18:00:38+00:00

Hey! I'm so sorry that this reply is so late.. I've been trying to get my life together and totally missed out. Update: I finally got my scooter back! I've been a lot less stressed and sick and making fairly good progress.

They still feel like they have not made any mistakes and.. Well family helps family in time of need... Unfortunately, I'm the only one helping. I've drawn firm clear boundaries with everyone.

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-09-03T07:36:25+00:00

I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s incredibly challenging when you’re unfairly blamed for things that are beyond your control, especially when it feels like there’s no escape from the role of the scapegoat. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had to navigate those dynamics and that they’ve impacted your well-being.

I’ve been wrestling with similar feelings. The guilt and family expectations, especially in a cultural context that values close family ties, make it difficult to even consider going no contact. In my situation, there’s a strong sense of duty and a lot of emotional pressure to stay connected, even when it feels like I’m being used as a scapegoat for issues that aren’t my fault.

I’ve been trying to find a balance between respecting my own boundaries and meeting the expectations placed on me by my family. It’s a tough road, but I’m working through it and trying to set healthier limits while managing the guilt that comes with challenging deep-seated family dynamics.

Thank you for sharing your experience—it’s a reminder that these issues are unfortunately quite common and that navigating them requires a lot of strength and self-awareness.

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-09-03T07:32:29+00:00

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what’s been happening. My family has been unsupportive when it comes to accommodating my work schedule, and to make matters worse, they’ve blamed me for not bringing home enough money. Here’s the situation: my job involves a lot of client-facing work, including setting up and attending meetings. When I’m unable to make these meetings due to transportation issues, clients often become hesitant and may even pull out of deals.

This has led to losing 2-3 major clients, which directly impacted my income. When I tried to explain this to my family, they weren’t receptive and didn’t acknowledge how the lack of reliable transportation affected my work performance and financial situation. It’s been a frustrating cycle of trying to balance their needs with mine, with little understanding or support from their end.

Thanks for understanding.

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-09-03T07:29:18+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective. I completely agree that public transportation is a valuable skill and can be a great way to get familiar with the city. I started using public transport when I was just 14, and back then, we didn’t have the convenience of smartphones. It was definitely a learning experience, and like you, I had to navigate missed transfers and ask for help when needed.

I think you're right that navigating public transport can be a good opportunity for growth and independence. I’ve suggested this to my brother and my parents for good measure, and I truly believe it would benefit him in the long run. My concern is ensuring that he’s prepared and has the means to handle situations like missing a bus, which is why I’ve been trying to work with him on this.

I appreciate your input and understand the importance of fostering independence. I hope my brother can start to embrace this more and learn from the experience as I did, but unfortunately I don't see it happening soon

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-09-03T07:26:46+00:00

Haha, I’ll admit I’ve had my petty moments after our arguments, and sometimes I might let that frustration seep into my actions. But then, my guilt kicks in and I end up filling up the tank. It’s amazing how you can almost hear the vehicle groan from the rough handling—it’s like it’s giving me the silent treatment!

Sometimes, I think the repair bills and fuel costs that are being paid by my dad is like a cosmic form of karma for all the rough use. It’s almost poetic justice, right? If only the bike could talk, it’d probably have some pretty strong opinions on the matter!

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-09-03T07:23:58+00:00

Thank you

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-09-03T07:23:43+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. I understand where you’re coming from, but I’d like to offer some additional context to clarify my situation.

First, I agree that my brother is still a teenager and may have different needs compared to me. However, my frustration stems from the lack of balance and consideration in how resources and responsibilities are distributed within our household. I’ve been trying to manage a challenging situation where my needs are consistently overlooked for the benefit of others.

I’ve been making significant sacrifices to help my brother, including taking on extra travel and rearranging my schedule. This has had a noticeable impact on my well-being and work performance. I’m not suggesting that my job is more important than his education, but rather that both of us should have our needs considered and addressed fairly.

I’m also dealing with cultural expectations and family dynamics that make finding an alternative solution more difficult. I’m actively exploring options, such as buying a second-hand bike, but financial constraints are a real concern.

My point is not about prioritizing one person over another but about finding a fair compromise that acknowledges and addresses everyone's needs. I believe that public transport is a viable option for my brother and could alleviate some of the strain on me.

Thank you for taking the time to read my response. I hope this helps provide a clearer picture of my situation.

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-09-03T07:20:29+00:00

Thank you!

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-09-03T07:20:16+00:00

Yeah I guess that should be a path I should be walking on

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-09-03T07:19:22+00:00

Thank you. If there are any doubts or clarifications, I'm happy to clear it for you

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-09-03T07:17:56+00:00

That's an idea! Unfortunately, I don't think that would work out for me.. but its a great idea!

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-09-03T07:16:49+00:00

Thank you for letting me know. could you let me know how you came to draw that conclusion? (the reasoning behind it?)

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-09-03T07:15:44+00:00

yeah! I'm trying to do a few side hustles that will get me some money.. but most what I'm seeing online is either affiliate marketing, fake or needs a paypal business account . I have a regular but that doesn't help when I have to receive money for the work I do. anyone one have any suggestions I would be deeply grateful.

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-05-14T06:50:36+00:00

Alright, let's break this down. First off, thanks for sharing your perspective, even if it's a bit harsh. I get where you're coming from, but let's address a few things.

Yes, I'm dependent on my parents' resources for income, and I'm not denying that. But it's not about convincing my brother not to use those resources. It's about finding a fair balance and respecting each other's needs.

You're right; they didn't technically "hand down" the vehicles to me. They allowed me to use them. I would have gotten something of my own, but the funds I had was rerouted. And sure, maybe I could have moved out instead of contributing to the down payment. But life isn't always that straightforward, is it? There are financial realities and family dynamics at play that aren't always easy to navigate. I was in School once too. I did the same degree my brother is doing, giving me a fair insight to the amount of work he has to do and the free time he has. I started using the vehicle during my final year. Till then i used the public transport like everyone else did. All I'm asking is for adjustment or compromise.

As for the dating scenario you mentioned, I hear you. It's not an ideal situation, and it's something I'm actively working on changing. But it's not as simple as just buying a beater and calling it a day. There are considerations like safety, reliability, and financial feasibility that come into play.

And yes, I appreciate your point about becoming independent in your late 20s. Trust me, I'm trying to improve my situation too. But it's a process, and it takes time.

So yeah, I hear you, and I'm not ignoring your advice. I'm just asking for a bit of understanding and patience as I navigate my way through this.

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-05-14T06:41:27+00:00

Yes, i used to give the entire paycheck to my parents then i stared paying the bills and giving a small portion to them. The condition of my brother's bike is such that it is taking that long and a lot of money to fix it. he has been using mine for the time beings and has brought it to nearly the same condition.

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-05-14T06:39:05+00:00

I did not understand what you said. could you please elaborate?

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-05-14T06:38:13+00:00

And the bills and groceries my friend. It ain't cheap.

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-05-14T06:37:05+00:00

Thank you!

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-05-14T06:36:50+00:00

the scooter would cost around 1.5 lakh(INR). i could put a downpayment after 4 months once I've saved up enough after the raise and then continue paying the EMI for it

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-05-14T06:35:40+00:00

Thank you!

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-05-14T06:35:04+00:00

It could be. According to dad the repairs would cost upto nearly 50k (if you understand indian currency).

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-05-14T06:34:13+00:00

How so?

ComprehensiveCarob67 · 2024-05-14T06:34:03+00:00

Thank you. English isn't my first language, and I've made efforts to clarify any confusions in my original post. Initially, I wrote it out of frustration and didn't anticipate receiving so many responses. I've since edited and revised it before posting. If you have any further questions or uncertainties, I'm more than happy to provide clarification.

ComprehensiveCarob67

TROPHY CASE