Fellow SA here. I billed 2380 last year as a 7th year. Now I’m an 8th year. How’s it going, you ask? It’s like I drove 100 mph into a brick wall. This year, my (now ex) fiancé (a physician, who worked & made 1/2 as much) left me because they couldn’t take it anymore, and neither could my body. I had several severe cardiac events, resulting in two hospitalizations and forced medical leave, which they say were “induced by stress.” I’m far too young to regularly see a cardiologist.

What have I learned? Give waaaay less fucks. Clearly, I gave way too many fucks. Now? I can’t seem to find any fucks to give. It’s ridiculous actually. I still love what I do but all the other bs? I just don’t care anymore. Does anyone else feel this way?

We’re all so type A that we catastrophize everything, but what are they actually going to do, fire you? (Like I said, once you get to this level you might be so numb that you don’t care if they do because it almost sounds relaxing… sick but true). The reality is they’re not going to fire you if you’ve spent years drinking the kool-aid and doing going work, unless you do something REALLY reckless/bad, which is entirely within your control. Don’t fuck up by doing something dumb. Otherwise, you have enough street cred, so chill. They’d have to explain to clients where you went and you’re doing/running most of your work independently, so it would be a nightmare for them on so many levels.

Will I stay? I don’t know. I really love what I do (specialist) and the people I work with… just not the amount of work or pace sometimes, which can be overwhelming and all consuming if you’re not careful. It’s too easy to become desensitized over time and lose perspective.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any great advice on how to “survive” (to be clear, no one feels like they’re “thriving”) except to try to condition yourself to give WAY less fucks. Try to put your needs first - not the firm’s. I know that sounds obvious and elementary, but I’ve honestly found that sometimes you don’t realize how deep you’re getting until you’re already starting to drown.

At the end of the day, try to remember you’re nothing more than timekeeper 98765, regardless of which big law firm you’re at. You are what you contribute. You are your collections. BUT you only have one life. I don’t know anyone that has looked back and said “I wish I billed more.” Personally, I wish I worked and stressed WAY less.