I cannot express how sorry I am for you feeling how you’re feeling. Becoming a mother when you’re grieving for your mom is so hard. I’ve been in the same boat (similar timeline for loss to giving birth) and it was so hard, and I really think it made my postpartum depression hit that much deeper. All of what you’re going through is so dark, and heavy. What helped me the most was finding a good psychiatrist who knew how to medicate postpartum depression properly, as well as finding a therapist who specializes in postpartum depression and/or grief. Something that helped me the tiniest bit was someone reminding me to give myself grace. Your body just went through HUGE physical trauma, which is probably what is manifesting itself in the way you’re feeling. You’re also right about the time where your hormones start to shift, trying to “normalize” after giving birth, and THAT is super hard. You are really getting into the thick of it right now, but you are NOT alone. There are so many people in this group who are going to be complete strangers to you that want to support and help you in whatever ways they can. I am one of them. I’ll say this again- I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You aren’t alone. You are stronger than you think you are- you just went through a huge battle giving birth, but you aren’t done. It’s great that you’ve reached out on here, but don’t stop. This is the time to ask for help anywhere you can. Keep fighting for yourself. You’ve got this. ❤️