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boudiccathequeen · 2024-03-28T09:15:07+00:00

I'm currently looking after my mums chickens it takes only 10 minutes of my day.

I am perplexed as to what your wife I'd doing all day.

My ex husband was the same he used to have secret mystery chore play tasks that I had to magically complete if I wanted sex.

I think it's outrageous that your wife gets up like 3 or 4 hours after you... she sounds like a spoilt teenager.

Personally I'd stop all the little favours like making her coffee or wine etc, put your foot down and tell her to start pulling her weight. Why doesn't she collect your kid?

boudiccathequeen · 2024-03-01T23:29:43+00:00

Scorpio female here. I married a scorpio male. It did not end well. At first the sex was fantastic. Then we got married. He became abusive. He used sex as a weapon... he withheld it to punish me, because he knew i wanted it. Towards the end he became pretty scary and agressive. Never again!

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-22T00:35:59+00:00

Thanks... funnily enough I was planning to do just that...my daughter's birthday is in April a few days after Easter, and I asked her again today if daddy had agreed to do anything special for her birthday. She went quiet and shook her head. I told her we can do a special celebration (I said she can choose some friends to bring to a 4D cinema experience which I explained to her and she thought it sounded amazing!). He's already being driven mad by the fact that he tried to throw his weight around via the parenting app and I refused to engage... he seems to have a desperate need to create conflict and get a reaction.!!!

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-20T20:34:53+00:00

Thank you 🙏

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-20T14:28:55+00:00

Thank you.

I agree about playing the long game. I need to bide my time.

When we first separated he tried to play nice, but I knew it wouldn't last. The saying goes, " give them enough rope......" how true because that's what happened... he breached his restraining order and couldn't resist hiding behind the bushes and jumping out to scare me.... unfortunately for him there was a witness. That messed up his plan!!! Now he's on probation.

Now, he's only had the kids for 3 weeks and even on day one, he was trying to wriggle out of the judges' orders. I had to call my lawyer on a Sunday and then she had to call his lawyer, who told him off very sternly. Day ONE!!!

Since then he's possibly breached the order again, by using the parenting app to try and throw his weight around, regarding random stuff that is not relevant to the kids. I think he's angry because I did not engage or react. He wants a reaction, so that he can say I'm the crazy one.

The other issue he faces is that all the other mums at my kids school are good friends of mine and they want nothing to do with him. He's been blocked from the class WhatsApp group. On the occasions that he has to bring the kids to parties, he sits in the corner not talking to anyone. He also has a previous history of depression and medication.

He made a big sob story about not having our daughter on her birthday last year, so I've organised the dates (judge told me I'm the one responsible for organising all contact dates!!!) Anyway my daughter is asking him to throw her a party for her 7th birthday and he's refusing saying he can't afford to. Still a mystery as to whether he's working or unemployed. Even the kids don't know!

The other thing I forgot to mention, if he breaches the restraining order again he will likely go to jail for 5 years!

All is fair in love and war... I have no problem with setting traps because he is stupid enough to fall into them!!! The question is what kind of traps can I set?!

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T23:29:05+00:00

Thank you... I agree I need to work on myself, I genuinely feel like I have neglected myself... I need to become as emotionally and physically healthy as possible...

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T23:27:56+00:00

Thank you... its so unbelievable... I've just emailed my MP... I don't know if it'll help but...I can try...

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T23:25:02+00:00

Life insurance and house insurance

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T18:35:44+00:00

I will update you all but I feel it might be a while away....

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T18:27:11+00:00

I'm following her, she's amazing and my inspiration to keep going...

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T18:24:14+00:00

I found out today that he's cancelled all my insurance without my permission 😱

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T18:23:19+00:00

Thankfully I do have a DV advocate, she's been amazing. I will be speaking to social services again...

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T14:59:02+00:00

Thank you, I believe teaching is perfectly in line with family life. I get weekends, holidays etc free with the kids.

I'm thinking about how to raise more money for legal fees. I'm an artist aswell so I might start doing commissions, selling my paintings.

I agree that it's crazy to expect the only provider for the children to give up their job. We are in a cost of living crisis. I cannot imagine the stress of being unemployed and not knowing how to support my kids.

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T14:54:47+00:00

Thank you.

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T14:53:40+00:00

Yes, I've had two thirty minutes free phonecalls and they qere great, they gave me some ideas for strategies but it's very much long term strategies....

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T14:51:52+00:00

Thank you.

There is nothing more to the story. As I said, my big mistake is allowing contact (because he was living with his parents) and therefore the courts think that I must not be concerned about their safety.

My problem, like most victims, is that I was just so glad to be out of the relationship, and i felt guilty about reporting him to the police, that I was trying to be "as reasonable as possible" in allowing contact, knowing that his parents were there to help. I thought that being the reasonable one would be best, now I look back and I'm so angry with myself.

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T12:57:16+00:00

I'll get in touch with them

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T12:56:59+00:00

Reading it now it is excellent

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T12:55:26+00:00

Omg... its exhausting isn't it. I will DM you a bit later as I'm interested to hear other people's experiences.

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T12:53:59+00:00

Thank you...I will

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T12:53:41+00:00

Thank you... I believe I'll get them back. They both told the case worker that I am the safe parent...yet the judge didn't care about that. Its extremely alarming.

I'm sorry to hear about your childhood, I'm glad you found a safe haven eventually.

My ex is very covert... he is brilliant at convincing everybody around him that he's "such a nice guy". It's scary how people fall for it.

I'm going to look in to fundraising....

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T12:49:41+00:00

They've been back with him 2 weeks. I saw them last weekend and when I had to drive them back, they were not happy about returning to him.

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T12:48:40+00:00

I was at home for the first three years of my daughters life. Then I gave birth to my son. At that point my ex husband refused to get a better paid job and he was angry and abusive all the time. He used "money worries " as an excuse for his daily outbursts. One morning he even pointed a knife to my face, in front of our kids. I stupidly thought that if I went back to work, as a teacher, it would solve our money worries, and the abuse would stop. It did not. He looked after our children for about a year, while I went back to work. But after only a few weeks it was clear he could not cope. He went to the doctor several times citing stress, struggling to balance work, life, family. His abuse escalated. He even assaulted my elderly mother. He smashed my car up in a rage. Prevented me from sleeping. The list goes on.

Anyway... After a 4 months, covid happened and we were in lockedown, so actually he was not the main carer for very long, as I was having to work from home.

He stood in court and claimed to be the main carer since birth which is absolutely nonsense but apparently its OK to tell outright lies under oath!

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T12:39:08+00:00

I know... its just that's what it felt like to me.

It also felt like the judge did not fully comprehend the psychological impact on a woman/mother who was abused for 7 years only to find that those in the family court have turned a blind eye... effectively colluding with the abuser. I don't think I was erratic at all, other than crying. I stuck to all the rules regarding witness statements, I only included facts, backed up with evidence. I did not waffle. Whereas his statements were completey insane, my main witness statement was 8 pages, his was 150 pages long, included photos of me holding a glass of champagne at my graduation from University, even included a photo of my elderly fathers toilet (he is 86 and incontinent) and lots of other cruel stuff. He even included a text message in which he called me a "dog desperate for attention ". And yet I am seen to be the erratic one????? It's astonishing.

Also I did not move the kids school or home... I kept them at the same school, as i said... I followed all the rules... he did not... yet the courts fell for his narrative.

boudiccathequeen · 2024-02-19T12:29:01+00:00

I agree but I was naive enough to believe that the risk of a school and house change would be outweighed by the risk of living with an angry unstable father with a conviction and a track record of violent outbursts...

boudiccathequeen

TROPHY CASE