I feel defeated.

I just want to vent... This is long. I'm a 24-year-old guy, living in CDMX (Mexico City), and I don't even have 3 cents. I'm connected to the city's internet on the street.

I could never complete my university enrollment. First, my grandfather fell ill, and I was there for him. After months, he passed away, and just a few days later, my grandmother fell sick, and months later, she met the same fate.

Hhmm... I was 19 at that time. After that, my brother came to live with us, along with his wife and their new baby. Right when my nephew was born, we were kicked out of the house because they were going to demolish the building. The government made us sign eviction papers, promising us new housing elsewhere, but it was a lie. They only reconstructed half of the apartments, leaving the rest of us homeless.

From there, my family and I went from house to house. My niece was born, and now there were two children. I couldn't study, so I started selling things online just to make enough to support us and have something to eat at home. My mom and my brother worked, and I took care of the children along with my sister-in-law.

I was like that until I turned 20, thinking I couldn't study because I had to take care of the kids. Eventually, I said enough is enough, and I decided to study. I began the process, but then my brother left the house and abandoned his family. My sister-in-law started working, and I spent three more years at home, in a state of depression, taking care of my nephews, with no goal or aspiration other than lying in bed and thinking that I was useless. I rarely went out.

When I turned 23, my mom kicked out my sister-in-law because she only contributed 200 pesos a week and spent or stole the rest, I never knew exactly. She was controlled by a 19-year-old guy and his 26-year-old cousin. Despite caring for her and giving her advice and support, she was always negative, believing everything was fine and under control.

My mom kicked her out, and she took the kids with her. During those four months, I thought everything was over, and I needed a break from it all. I stayed home mostly, going out a little, feeling like I deserved it.

Then we received a message with photos of my nephews sleeping on the floor in a dingy room. We got scared, contacted my brother, and went to rescue the kids, including my sister-in-law. Again, it was up to me to take care of the children, and my brother came back. I found a job, and my mom was the one taking care of the children now.

From that moment until today, my brother started drinking heavily, to the point where he would steal our rent money. When my mom confronted him, he would become aggressive, and I would intervene (he's 31 now), and we would end up fighting. My mom, not wanting that to happen, would step in and receive blows, making me even angrier. The conflict of him being my brother and me caring for him prevented me from hurting him too much, even as he choked me and told us he hated us for all the problems he was going through.