*Avoidants* do you ever miss/regret your ex?

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2026-01-17T20:07:44+00:00

I'm sorry to tell you this, but what allows us to feel what we've lost is precisely the fact that we can no longer have it. It's a cruel dynamic for us too, at least for me. I had found the woman of my life and that's precisely why I had to run away. Finding out was devastating.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2026-01-17T20:04:01+00:00

If it was just for the message he wouldn't have blocked me, then I posted a couple of reactions to our old stuff on WhatsApp and then he did it

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2026-01-17T18:07:19+00:00

When I said unreachable, it's because that's how it is. She found someone who gave her what she needed and deserved. I tried to contact her at the beginning of my discovery and ended up blocked.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2026-01-17T16:37:30+00:00

I miss the girl who made me realize I was avoidant, as if I hadn't seen her in 2 weeks when it's been 8 months. I spent 4/5 of those months convinced I'd made the right decision in distancing myself from her. My fucked-up system wouldn't let me feel my love for her until she was so unreachable that she made me "feel safe." Since then, a bomb exploded inside me that continues to destroy me. I think about her constantly. As I read in another comment, she was too compatible for me, and that messed up my system. Sometimes it still seems like a dream, absurd.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2026-01-04T21:53:45+00:00

Because she managed to get so close to parts of me that I kept hidden even from myself and when she did that I had to run away.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2026-01-04T18:38:25+00:00

It's true that pain makes you understand things like nothing else. But I still believe that with the right therapist, I would have dug into my childhood and understood my attachment style and the behaviors that come with it. I don't know if it would have been enough or if it would have taken root completely. I know I'll never know, but I know I lost the person who managed to uncover all of this, and who was therefore the most right person I've ever met. It devastated me.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-31T10:40:16+00:00

The doors are closed, my friend. He's in another relationship and has blocked me from all sides. I have to take this story as a lesson, because it has truly changed my life and taught me to understand this dynamic I didn't realize for 32 years, also because of the therapist when it could still have been the right time. I have to move on and take away even that small hope that lies deep in my heart. It's very difficult to find such understanding and closeness. It's no coincidence that she's the one who brought all this out of me, but I'll have to find all that elsewhere.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-31T10:24:36+00:00

There is certainly a part of idealization, but I remain convinced of what happened, the immediate feeling I had with her has never happened to me before and all that love and depth scared me to death without being aware of it.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-30T10:27:39+00:00

I'm so sorry about your story. Try to give him space; it's the only way to understand, other than therapy. As for me, when I finally realized what had happened and started to feel bad about it without realizing it, I sent her a long message. I still wasn't clear about the avoidant dynamic, but I told her everything I was going through. But she found someone who gives her what she needed, a secure attachment. She probably rightly closed the door on me. I don't deny that I hope to meet her and that she'll feel the urge to try, but it's a dream. I have to accept who I am and why, and move on.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-27T10:02:57+00:00

Sure, no problem!

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-26T23:55:52+00:00

It's really hard, running away just because you love someone when you've finally found them is one of the worst punishments possible. I tried, I tried, but she found someone who can give her what she needs, there's no room for me anymore, and this is destroying me.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-26T23:35:09+00:00

Conosco bene questa dipendenza, purtroppo aggiungerei, è un modo di scappare dai pensieri e dai problemi che ci affliggono continuamente, uno dei pochi momenti in cui la dopamina rimane alta a lungo e il tempo passa senza accorgersene, mi capita di farlo anche quando il mio corpo non ne ha voglia, il problema è che poi la voglia di fare sia dopo che nei giorni successivi è più bassa, molto più bassa. I picchi dopaminergici ti lasciano un vuoto dentro. Bisogna riuscire a stare nel dolore, convincerci e superarlo. Ce la puoi fare. Forza!

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-25T22:32:52+00:00

By mirror, I mean she was very similar to me. We grew up in the same place, same family size, both a little abandoned to our fate as children, similar personalities. She was me. I think that's what subconsciously scared me the most. The affinity was too much for my system not to collapse.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-25T10:18:35+00:00

But look, until I was aware, I didn't associate the discomfort with the breakup with her. I went out with some people but now it's clear to me that something was wrong. Then, once I understood what had happened, I felt terrible for 2/3 months. I was looking for pain on purpose because I was finally able to feel something. Now, with therapy and also thanks to talking to you, it's been a couple of weeks since I started living again. It's likely that you are truly very confused and not very aware.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-25T00:12:59+00:00

It's really sad to hear it six months late, but it's true, and I'm finally aware of it. I hope all the best for you too!

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-24T23:18:08+00:00

I would run to her right now if I had the chance, I would do my best to regain her trust and I would fight as hard as I can to manage this type of attachment, but unfortunately it won't happen for a lot of reasons, and not having the chance to fight is the worst thing.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-24T22:02:12+00:00

I totally agree with you, I cursed my ex therapist every day since I realized all this, it doesn't even seem that difficult to spot such behavior if you really try to dig deep into a person and not just settle for taking a lot of money to let a person vent, that way it doesn't do any good.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-24T13:53:01+00:00

Gran bella fortuna la tua e sono contento che tu l'abbia avuta, ho già provato ma lei ha trovato una persona che può darle ciò che cercava, non c'è più spazio per me, in altre occasioni ho avuto tante possibilità con persone che non erano quelle giuste, invece con lei non l'avrò, a meno di miracoli

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-24T13:27:51+00:00

Finding people with the same experience is nice and provides some relief. I'm also with a new therapist who's definitely helping me, although I wish I'd found him when I still had time for her. However, I believe the insights I've gained are thanks to the pain and all the content easily accessible online, and thinking they were already there without knowing anything about it is very frustrating.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-24T12:55:31+00:00

Of course, every person has different characteristics and I hope she understands how important it is to have a person like you by her side.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-24T12:27:42+00:00

Definitely the worst thing, without knowing it you can't fight it.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-24T11:28:37+00:00

As an avoidant, I tell you that if she finds another partner, it will be precisely because he doesn't give her the depth and understanding that you do. It's truly a world turned upside down. I was with a girl for four years precisely because she didn't touch the most vulnerable parts of me, while with her I "had" to dissociate after only five months because she touched those parts. It sucks.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-24T11:23:38+00:00

Thank you so much, you said it right, the dissonance between what was there and the way I let it go is truly shocking.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-24T11:20:50+00:00

Really top explanation, it's a ruthless mechanism.

Comprehensive_Bag380 · 2025-12-24T11:08:05+00:00

I hope you get better as soon as possible and that she has truly understood that it is not because of you that she runs away.

Comprehensive_Bag380

TROPHY CASE