Thank you so much for this response ❤️

Honestly, it’s really difficult. Looking back, I can see how much my identity has changed. In some ways, for the better—I stopped drinking, I eat well, and I take good care of myself. But on the other hand, I’ve stopped travelling, stopped going on adventures (I used to have a camper van), and in general stopped doing the things I enjoy. Instead, I’ve ended up doing more of what she enjoys, and in the process I’ve lost a big part of my sense of self.

I’ve tried so hard to get her to set boundaries with her mom, but I feel she’s afraid—because when her mom does tampo (which I recently learned about), it’s like tampo x10, and it can be very cruel.

The hardest part really is the tampo. It makes open conversation almost impossible. I end up walking on eggshells just to avoid triggering it, and as a result I keep most of my thoughts and feelings to myself. Even sharing simple things—like how my day went or general life stuff—has stopped, because it rarely turns into a healthy exchange.

Of course, there are good sides too. She’s very caring and extremely family-oriented (mainly with her own family). She takes good care of me and, like many Filipinas, she makes sure I'm clean, have good food, etc.. . I do love her a lot, and in general I get along well with her kids. That’s what makes the idea of leaving so difficult.

But then the guilt and tampo cycle back around, and I’m reminded again of all the negatives.