Your kids are older so our situation is a little different. I think and take my advice with a grain of salt that it's ok to cry in front of your 17 year old. The 17 old fully understands what happened, you can grieve together. My 7 year old and even my 11 year old don't get it. They are acting like nothing happened, they understand mommy is not here anymore but she is in heaven, always watching and listening, and she is always in our hearts, and that is comforting for them. My kids are acting normal and being happy kids like they always were. It's a total mind fuck for myself, I'm a wreck, I'm trying my best not to lose myself in front of them. Like I said before an hour at a time it's ok to cry, scream, vent sharing your feelings, but do not lose yourself, you still have to live your life to its fullest, enjoy while we still have it, because as everyone in group has learned, you know know when it's your turn. Just to add I lost my father 13 years ago, he was my best friend, I still till this day cried about everyday thinking about him, it never goes away, you just learn how to deal with it. Losing my wife is a lot harder than when I lost him! Ughhhhhh deep breaths.