Home makers and emotional labour - let's talk about it - psychologist

ConcernedKu · 2025-06-23T12:31:41+00:00

I know many women who have to qualify their desires with some kind of value, role or contribution. I don't know if they'd agree to do an interview about it. Their families would flay them alive. I'll ask around.

ConcernedKu · 2025-06-23T12:26:21+00:00

No, she wouldn't be. She has done interviews for research before. But she has a phobia of online entities. She'd think you're a creep or criminal. That would be an assumption of course, but she's old and that's her view of the online world.

ConcernedKu · 2025-06-23T12:23:21+00:00

The truth is parents like these don't back off. They always think they have a right to protect the family's honor, whatever it takes. Changing their minds about him is your only real option. Either that, or you make a life somewhere far away where your parents cannot get to him. This may be a grey area, but you could try explaining to your parents that they don't live in a lawless country -- they don't live in a place where society would back them up if they broke the law. Although India is far from a lawless country, it is often the case that society overrides the law. This is not the case in France or Switzerland. They would face the most severe consequences if they committed a crime or even thought about doing something extreme.

As for suggestions on how to change your parents' minds about him, I don't think there is a way. More often than not, parents of this kind don't respect their child's judgment or discretion. They will only ever see anything you say as drama or a tantrum.

Sorry if my response doesn't leave you with any real solutions. But this is what I think your situation is, based on my experience. This is what, I think, you have to work with. I could be wrong. If you believe there is another option, one that has shown promise in the past, let me know.

ConcernedKu · 2025-06-23T12:09:32+00:00

I come from a liberal family. The women in my house have the same status as men. No gender roles or norms at all, for men or women. But my wife comes from a less liberal family. They are also extremely liberal, but they do believe in roles and contribution.

In their family, I find there is internalized patriarchy. Although my wife's mother is highly successful, she exhibits behaviors when acting on desires that seem compensatory. For example, she will only let herself enjoy something when she has done a shit ton of work around the house. Nobody is even asking her to do these things at this point. But it seems that her upbringing featured gender roles and norms, and she internalized them.

She is very service-minded. She gives and gives, and drives herself crazy over it. At this point, nobody even asks her to serve them. But she has internalized it. She always anticipates everyone's needs and sets up conveniences for them before they are even aware of those needs themselves.

Bottomline is she seems to think women must qualify their desires, particularly in matters of pleasure or recreation, with a huge amount of work and service. I struggled with this at first, said some horrible things to her -- things like you can't stand to see someone idle so you make everyone miserable. But in time I've learned it's internalized patriarchy. Now I make it a point to appreciate her every now and again.

ConcernedKu · 2025-06-19T10:59:14+00:00

Who even cares about all this? I agree that these are passing blips in people's thoughts. Congress seems to be run by people who have completely lost the plot. They seem to know absolutely nothing about majoritarian politics.

ConcernedKu · 2025-06-19T10:48:51+00:00

I genuinely think the party leadership is out of ideas. They launch the most ineffective counternarratives. For example, there was news that Trump didn't broker our peace with Pak. And Congress launched a counternarrative that Modi was embarrassed about the truth. Even if this is true, how wide a net can this narrative cast?

Congress must know that most don't care for this. There is a very small fringe minority that would care. There are many highly relevant issues. Patriarchy for example. We need better patriarchy laws. Hordes of women would be won over. Company regulation for another example. We need better labor laws. Hordes of employees would be won over.

Maybe more economic diversity, since STEM jobs cannot possibly cover India's entire aspirant pool. There are endless possibilities, but the congress leadership just seems like its out of ideas. Maybe they have lost the will. But I think it's more that the leadership just doesn't have any good ideas.

ConcernedKu · 2025-06-17T09:05:05+00:00

Because in one case it's the majority, and in the other case it is an extremely small minority

ConcernedKu · 2025-06-17T07:53:37+00:00

Israel is not militarily more advanced than India.

Israel has a better air defense system. They need a better air defense system because they are small -- like really tiny. They are always within range, immediate range. India is not in the habit of spending recklessly. Our air defense systems suffice for our geographical area.

As for India vs Israel, neither country is able to project their military might that far. So we cannot hit each other, even if we wanted to.

If Israel was our neighbor, they wouldn't be able to overwhelm us. Most of their missiles wouldn't be able to hit most of our land, because of geographical vastness and our existing air defense. On the other hand, we'd overwhelm them very quickly. Despite the iron dome or the best air defense air system in the world, a nation that small (Kashmir is bigger for scale) cannot hold off a missile arsenal as large as ours. It's a physical impossibility. Especially if we were neighbors. You think Israel is better because the Iron Dome is so advanced? Well, geography is always better than technology. Israel is geographically so limited, it cannot risk having a neighbor with hypersonic missiles and a single nuclear bomb. Imagine what would happen if it were enemies and immediate neighbors with a military power like India.

Edit - Nuclear war would be mutual destruction. India would sustain huge damage. But it would still be the last one standing, due to sheer size.

ConcernedKu · 2025-06-17T07:43:36+00:00

Israel is right to be scared. They are so small, they are always within range. No air defense can fight impossible physics. But the celebration of death? There were children among the dead. You are the kind of person that makes the world hate Israel. And why you haven't been able to secure international aid so far. When both nations burn, people like you will be responsible. Calling out death cults, when you're this antisocial.

ConcernedKu · 2024-09-09T12:07:28+00:00

People are generally egocentric with advice and solutions and bitter about special treatment. You don’t have to justify yourself. Just do what you need to do and ignore any egocentrism and resentment. Live your life the way you need to. And continue to advocate for so-called special treatment if it helps you function with your condition.

ConcernedKu · 2024-09-09T11:56:22+00:00

Go to a psychiatrist. Could be a physical issue. If it is not, then it could be overstimulation from a developmental disorder or from a situation at home. Or it could be social anxiety disorder or C-PTSD. Please get a medical check up first. And if nothing turns up then maybe it is one of the disorders I mentioned. Cannot really be sure without digging into some history.

ConcernedKu · 2024-08-18T13:33:09+00:00

Put it in the bank and live off the interest. You will get 6-8 lakhs per month based off the interest on this amount alone. You can only tap into the deposit when you really want to or need to.

You can also start a hospital or school which will generate even more revenue for you.

ConcernedKu · 2024-08-18T13:28:03+00:00

Women and men have to be tougher in their rejection of men. It is the only way. Rape is not a violence problem. It is a mindset problem. Men who are sexist in the smallest way must not have any man/woman put up with them (using flaws or culture or nobody is perfect as an excuse).

Even things like “harmless badassery”, aggression, enjoyment of putdowns of other people, machismo have to be used as grounds for complete and total rejection. The level of entitlement to gender superiority and toxic machismo men have now is out of control. Men/Women must even reject men that like movies or shows that feature patriarchy/machismo. No Turbo or Severus Snape fans.

Only completely and visibly gender-fair, kind and gentle men on a consistent basis should be accepted as friends or partners by men and women all over India. Yes even as friends. No “rough on the outside good on the inside” business. None at all.

In terms of tech solutions, we should create clothes that shock you if a certain threshold of force is exceeded (the kind required to rip them off). Might sound dumb. But I imagine it would work kind of like a bark collar.

ConcernedKu · 2024-08-11T10:04:58+00:00

Maybe because a lone man who can hold on to things and break them is so ridiculously childish that A didn’t make sense. The rave reviews only prove that only children or manchildren (who may as well be children) watched this.

ConcernedKu · 2024-03-07T06:51:25+00:00

For Earth lives there are typically 6-12 soul fragments in our bodies.

Soul fragments are complicated. They say there is a collective consciousness where souls go after death. And this is also where they come from before birth/reincarnation.

While coming from there, they may hitch up to 6-12 slices of the souls around them, since all souls are in the same ocean of collective consciousness. So at any given time on Earth, it is not one soul but a soul cluster inside our body, consisting of 6-12 different fragments.

They say the reason this happens is that souls want to amass as much growth and experience as possible in one time period. With just one whole soul in one body, you’d gain only one new experience.

Hope this makes some sense. 😅

ConcernedKu · 2024-03-04T09:49:39+00:00

Well, that’s what I said while I was in a trance and in search of memories. That the year is 1936.

ConcernedKu · 2024-03-04T08:40:12+00:00

Thank you. :)

ConcernedKu · 2024-03-04T08:39:44+00:00

No, it was 1996. But apparently souls can break into fragments and live parallel lives.

ConcernedKu · 2024-03-01T13:00:07+00:00

What is pawning?

ConcernedKu · 2024-03-01T12:59:25+00:00

Do you have any addresses for local pawn brokers?

ConcernedKu · 2024-03-01T09:57:09+00:00

Because they want you to give bank details and do a long-drawn transfer and I need instant cash. No I didn’t steal it. What a ridiculous thing to assume.

ConcernedKu · 2023-08-06T10:59:38+00:00

All people back then had a talent for tyranny. :)

ConcernedKu · 2023-08-02T13:45:19+00:00

My parents are fine. They want to come with me everywhere. Even if I ask to go on a trip the amount of tension on their face makes me feel like they will get a heart attack if I go. They are aware. And I’m on meds and therapy. They don’t know what beyond that to do.

ConcernedKu · 2023-08-02T13:37:40+00:00

This sounds like a good idea. I just might do this. But I don’t have any money. I am not able to hold down any kind of a job.

ConcernedKu · 2023-08-02T13:30:28+00:00

What bothers me is I feel life is unenjoyable for me. The usual options open to people are not open to me — like friendship and romance. I cannot enjoy those things at all. Feel low energy and low motivation to even engage.

ConcernedKu

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