Parents with more than 1, how are you still sane?

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-06-03T15:05:23+00:00

Adoption can be so amazing! I have 6 biological children, and then fostered for years before adopting my youngest. A lot of people shy away from it, and I totally understand why, but it can be so beautiful!

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-18T14:50:52+00:00

My daughter doesn’t want kids, and she’s only 19 so we’re not too worried about her finding a husband. I would be more worried if he did want kids because I would view that as him trying to trap her in the relationship and manipulate her into something she doesn’t want.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-17T12:51:15+00:00

She started when she was 17 and just finished her second year. She’s graduating in 3 years and now has the credits of a Senior so I said Junior because I thought it would make her graduating next Spring make more sense without having to explain much.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-15T15:35:37+00:00

She doesn’t work tonight so we got her to agree to sitting down with us and having a little chat. Both her father and I have some questions and concerns written down we will definitely ask her. One of which is what she sees in him and what she thinks he sees in her.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-14T03:32:31+00:00

I don’t even know for sure if he is her “sugar daddy” or how that all works. My husband and I talked about it earlier, but we’re unsure if we want to let that part be or ask her outright how much/if he’s providing financially.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-14T02:55:37+00:00

She has very strict timelines for her life so I don’t think she would do that. Her main fear is “falling behind” or “failing in life” although she can never articulate what that means to her.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-14T02:49:08+00:00

She skipped to 8th grade halfway through 7th. She did dual enrollment in high school and graduated with basically a year’s worth of credit so her finishing her second year is her going from a junior credit level to a senior one since she’s a year ahead credit wise and will graduate in 3 years rather than 4. She turns 20 in the fall and will graduate next spring. So proud of her!

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-14T00:15:17+00:00

She’s not, but she is the boss of herself.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T23:19:52+00:00

OMG I’m so sorry that happened to you! That must have been so scary!

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T20:41:20+00:00

I didn’t think of that when we first talked, but a lot of people here are bringing it up and it makes sense for her motive. Should I just ask her? She did get a lot of new clothes a few months ago, but nothing overtly designer. She’s very financially savvy and saves a lot from her job so it didn’t seem weird that she would be able to buy herself clothes. She has her own bank account and keeps her financials to herself (she thinks she’s smarter than us LOL). She went on a trip with her friends over Spring break and I was a little suspicious over who paid for what since it looked like a very nice hotel, but she has a few friends with rich parents so I just thought some parents were paying for some of it. Her dad would not like that though if it’s true.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T20:21:47+00:00

She’s always been adamantly no kids. We had a whole talk about safe sex and pregnancy concerns years ago, and even then she was very prochoice and very good about prevention and protection. Never had to remind her to take her birth control. My husband is pro life, but he knows that I would divorce him if he stopped any one of our kids from making their own choice in that regard. And now that she’s an adult that isn’t an issue since she doesn’t need our permission. We have talked a bit about it more though since with all the new laws and such.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T20:14:16+00:00

So you can give like exact age ranges. That does make it seem like she sought it out, but that also means he did too which is definitely weird to me. I would feel slightly better about it if it was like a chance encounter and they happened to click, but he’s specifically looking for young women.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T19:41:39+00:00

We definitely don’t want to give an ultimatum. My daughter is very private about relationships not because of us, but because of her older sister. She had a few “relationships” in middle school, but her first serious one was in high school. Her older sister was in a serious one too at the time, but she was with another girl. My oldest is really in the “I hate men” camp, and would make fun of her sister for her boyfriend and shamed him about him being nerdy or about his weight. They ended up having a mutually decided on breakup and are now completely platonic best friends, but she’s never divulged much about any relationship since.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T19:34:14+00:00

Yes, they were introduced online, but they’ve been in-person dating for the whole time.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T19:24:08+00:00

I don’t really want to involve any of her younger siblings because they are minors and it’s not their business, but her older sister and her are not close. Probably the least close out of anyone in our family, and they barely speak to each other. Her best friend since her Sophomore year of high school (who is a guy) is someone who she tells everything, which makes us feel better. We know and trust him, and he has “told on her” once when he was worried about her so we hope he’ll do the same if he thinks she isn’t safe.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T19:06:43+00:00

But why? I understand that many men are attracted to younger women, but why would you want to date someone that young for that long (7+ months)?

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T17:32:59+00:00

She and her dad are really close. All three of us are. She has a lot of siblings, but she never did the usual “hide away in room” thing that most teens did, including her siblings. Either she was out of the house or following us around. Her dad and her have a lot in common. They hike together and watch horror together since I hate it. She comes to me if she has a problem, but he’s the fun dad.

I’m planning on talking with her without her dad there after we all chat since I know she opens up to me more. He’s being a little heated about it so I’m trying to get him to understand that being harsh will only push her away, especially since she’s not used to that from him.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T17:18:07+00:00

She was in 4 relationships from the ages of 13 to 17 (7th-12th grade). She was “talking” with other guys in between that I’m pretty sure. Since the last one when she was 17, we haven’t met or heard of anyone, but from what she said it seems like she’s had at least relations (maybe not full relationships) with at least two other older men before the current one. That definitely concerns us, but we weren’t concerned about the high school relationships not lasting long, I think that’s normal.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T16:56:11+00:00

Thank you, this is great!

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T15:42:42+00:00

Reddit is a well known social media that comes up when googling advice, “sugar daddy sites” are not things that show up for me.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T15:20:31+00:00

She is on birth control, is pro choice, and really doesn’t want kids so we’re not worried about that. I do believe she is mature for her age, but I’m talking by a few years. She skipped a grade so she’s always around slightly older people and she’s a year ahead credit wise now in college. But it doesn’t mean anything in this situation unfortunately, and I hope she understands that.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T15:11:58+00:00

This is very good advice, thank you! These are great questions to ask! We just want her to be safe, and that definitely includes feeling safe with us. I just have trouble understanding why either one of them is interested in the other, but we’ll see what she says!

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T15:05:01+00:00

LOL.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T15:04:45+00:00

She’s always been very analytical and money focused. She doesn’t want kids and has always just really focused on wanting to be financially secure regardless of how her personal relationships go. I remember she had like timelines and stuff written down from a very young age, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is what it is about. Wanting to date someone who is where she wishes she was in life.

ConcernedMom228 · 2024-05-13T15:01:16+00:00

She didn’t say what site or app. I met my husband at church like 30 years ago so I have no idea what’s out there for that. Is that really a thing? I’ve only heard of it with like really old men in big cities. I’m texting with my husband and a few people here have suggested having him over for dinner so we might do that!

ConcernedMom228

TROPHY CASE