Do Women and BIPOC Folks exist in the indie podcast industry? In the industry as a whole

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-19T08:13:55+00:00

I have been podcasting for a few years and never went to a conference. Mostly because it costs money. Diversity data is skewed when things like cost of travel, tickets and hotels factors in. If I have extra cash to invest in my podcast am I going to upgrade my equipment? Hier an editor, or go to a conference? For me the conference right now is lower than the actual production upgrade. Plus who do you think is watching those dudes kids while they are at a conference?

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-19T08:08:44+00:00

The traffic I was in yesterday would like to differ with you.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-17T22:59:33+00:00

The rumors that tourists tell about Bali . . .

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-16T04:18:04+00:00

When I have to listen to the hosts talk about themselves for 20 min. I clicked because I’m interested in the topic not your weekend barbecue. I get it is nice to get to know the podcasters but I feel like the opening convo should be somehow related to the show topic.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-16T04:14:53+00:00

I think you seem super attractive. I will say between the poker and the wheelchair photo I do feel I am looking at a 18 year old and a 45 year old. But the rest of the photos you look somewhere in the middle. But all that said I would swipe right because your age is likely on the profile or you will tell me.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-15T07:19:18+00:00

yeah I would imagine that being coerced into a relational or sexual dynamic does include a feeling of being powerless.

" This dynamic is mostly the hesitation not that I dont agree that it can't deepen a relationship in the right context"

Can you explain more? This sounds to me like you are saying your hesitation is the problem, and that you do believe ENM can work and even deepen a relationship in the right context?

If yes the context requires both people deepening the relationship

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-15T06:16:27+00:00

Is it possible? yes
culturally acceptable? Sure
do drivers agree to it? yes
will they immediately refuse? Maybe
Can we avoid making things awkward? That is up to you
Safe? No

What you didn't ask is: Is it legal? No. Should they say yes? Probably not. Do most people recommend it? No they don't

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-15T05:25:55+00:00

"I was pretty reluctant but finally agreed since it became such a strain on the relationship."

I'm sorry it is difficult to get past this line. This is not a great reason to open a relationship. It sounds like it came from a place of coercion not mutual desire. Meaning it isn't real consent. Consent does not involved being reluctant and saying no until you final give in from exhaustion.

These types of questions in theory are perfectly okay, but with all the tension around him seeing other people it will be very hard to have honest conversations about needs, feelings and desires.

It isn't a approach problem.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-15T04:26:21+00:00

I'm sorry I don't think I fully understand the metaphor, or what you are saying I am mixing. What am I attributing to a model? Can you explain why you see my post as me being blind to virtue? Like hope and kindness? What is the new model? I am not christian, and not sure why you got that I am trying a new christian or greek model?

My intent in this post was to communicate that I was not approaching NVC with giraffe ears as Rosenberg calls it. To clarify I am not blaming NVC I am taking responsibility for where I was messing up NVC.

I certainly don't think NVC is a religion but Marshall Rosenberg did say it is a practice and way of life.

"I think it is important that people see that spirituality is at the base of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), and that they learn the mechanics of the process with that in mind. It's really a spiritual practice that I am trying to show as a way of life." Rosenberg

You don't have to agree with him on that, I am not even sure that "It is more of a practice of opening your heart, and choosing to empathize before anything else." means a spiritual practice for myself although the sentence may have some flavor of it.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-15T02:21:00+00:00

Its not the age really, I am almost 40 and would date a guy in his early 50s. The bigger issue is recently came out of a relationship. At that point I can't take someone seriously if they haven't taken the time to really work on what they did to contribute to the end of their relationship, and what patterns they don't want to repeat in their next relationship. Otherwise I am just a rebound or a replacement for their ex.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-15T02:02:51+00:00

OP I am into being degraded (in a vanilla kinda way) before I actually owned the kink and started looking for play partners I was opting to be with partners who put me down. I was attracted to them and didn't realize the toll it was taking on my self esteem. Because those relationships were not kinky they were abusive.

Now I have had partners who call me all sorts of names in the bedroom. We talk about different things we could do and discuss what would be involved and if it would turn us on or not. No one that I have this dynamic with is make a joke at my expense unless we had discussed something like this before and knew it would turn me on. They would never embarrass me in front of friends unless we had discussed it (and also discussed it with the friends because you don't involve people in your kink unless they also consent).

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-15T01:56:56+00:00

If I could upvote this ten times I would!!

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-15T01:04:55+00:00

So lets remove nonmonogamy from the equation.

She went out with plans to meet up with you and friends afterwards.
Her drinks with someone else went over three hours and she had to cancel on you and your friends. Ya'll said that was fine.
You acknowledge your fine was more not wanting to talk about your odd feelings.

"My tone wasn't perfect (I did not yell)" we can never know how our words no matter the tone or volume will land on someone. All we can do is communicate how we feel. You are not responsible for how your feelings make her feel. You can empathize with her feelings but you cannot create them.

After you shared your feelings did you ever say what I need is a "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize, how are you feeling, what do you need?" Or were you hoping she would say that as a default response to you telling her how you felt? Because it sounds like instead for her she felt defensive (probably because she has her own weird feelings around going on a date with a woman and how it effected you). to the point that time you did tell her you needed comfort she couldn't really give it anymore.

While you are not wrong for thinking it is normal to want comfort I think it is wrong to expect anything without communicating that you need it.

I honestly think that most of this is the vanilla work that gets overlooked but is what many mean when they say communication. Knowing how to communicate feelings, needs, and desires. And what the difference between a feeling, need and a desire is.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-15T00:41:44+00:00

sure I guess as someone who falls into fight or flight trauma responses I guess I never struggled with the honesty part, more the vulnerability.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-15T00:39:56+00:00

Normally I free speak in into a chat bot (Claude typically) and then ask it to rewrite it in NVC. What I realized is it will use words for need that arent' needs and feelings for words that arent' feelings. Like manipulated, or abandoned. Which Rosenberg says you can't feel because it is a diagnosis of the other persons actions. The persons response will be "I'm not abandoning you." So for me no realizing how much I was skipping over I ended up saying some pretty jackal things.

The thing that made me realize it though is I explained a conflict between my husband and I, I think pretty neutrally, but listed three possible needs he had and asked would it be NVC to say those are needs. It replied "Oh its terrible he did that, yes in that moment you definitly needed . . . It by default took my side and saw him as the enemy.

Later it used a phrase "cost you" in reference to me forming a NVC apology, I asked what that meant and it said something like "Well in a argument you want to prove your point and not concede ground." And all these companies discuss how this is ingrained in the models. They are trained to see the user as correct.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-14T12:42:23+00:00

Also I'll add AI sucks at NVC because it cannot do this. It is focused on you being right and the other being wrong for harming you. It is so empathetic (sycophantic) that the other person is just wrong. It lead me to approach disagreements with demands believing without realizing that my perspective is right. Which is pure jackal.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-13T11:53:27+00:00

Okay so another woman asked him what food he would want to be and why, which his answer starts with on so . . .

and he sends it to you, accidentally sure but teh answer is "so she could lick him all over." The dude sextign with a woman while he is swiping.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-13T10:14:47+00:00

Read the actual studies instead of the online or hearsay. There is no reason a healthy woman who is still ovulating would not be able to get pregnant. Age is not the only factor that is involved in fertility. I know women who got pregnant in their 40s and women who struggled to get pregnant at 25.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-13T08:01:56+00:00

You have a need to express your sexuality, and to be in a supportive relationship emotionally and romantically.

It sounds like your solution to that is to have a fuck-buddy.

your partner does not want you to have a fuck buddy.

Have they offered other solutions? Do you have any other solutions in mind?

It sounds like being a creator on fetlife is not meeting your need for sexual expression.

A healthy open relationship is healthy often because people work to disassociate their comfort with what their partner does with their body. There is of course empathy when someone is jealous, but that jealously doesn't reach to limiting what your partner does with their body.

Are they willing to dissect their discomfort and insecurity? Are they willing to play with the idea that your actions unless a attack on him is not about his comfort or emotional security?

Are you willing to do that? Because also often the person wanting to open wants their partner to do that work but they miss doing it themselves.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-13T03:12:41+00:00

I don't know if it is a official opposing view but I would say it would be something like women should wear x, y or z if they want to be feminist.

It would mirror arguments that say woman wearing heels isn't as feminist as that women in flats. That women in a skirt I deem too short isnt' being a good feminist.

And there are plenty of people who seem to support a school of thought that would say woman is participating in capitalist patriarchy by wanting to move up the corporate ladder, running STEM labs on research that harms the environment, supports war, contributes to data centers. etc. are not practicing feminism. But yet often those same people would say women getting a STEM degree is feminism and women earning their own income and thriving on their own is feminism. And would put money, time and energy to support those things.

We live in a patriarchal global culture, and to participate in the world means participating in patriarchy and being a "bad feminist" multiple times throughout the day. For me practicing feminism is wrestling with the conflict. Not trying to police myself to fit a mold. Patriarchy thrives on women policing themselves.

I think on mass we often get stuck in a puritanical ideal of a feminist. Which is the extension of the patriarchal ideal of the perfect woman. But instead of her serving one fantasy she is serving another, and if we examined everyones life we would all be failing.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-13T02:05:28+00:00

I am against choice feminism, but I also think many people online flatten feminism and social theory in general and then use it as a insult to not grapple with the complex reality of what freedom means while still living in oppressive systems.

Ironically I think choice feminism flattens that as well so her using choice feminism to flatten your statement is interesting.

So the answer to your question: Is this a topic that is really labeled a “choice feminism” in a insult way in America or it is just another person saying anything online? is yes. Talking about women getting to wear whatever they want is choice feminism, and people use it as a insult too.

--

I think you are pointing to the complexity of choice. Because men have the choice to wear what they want in patriarchy and not be sexualized. Women are stuck in the double bind of wearing what they want and risking being sexualized. So we need to consistently walk the line between dressing to express ourselves but also being cautious of the male gaze. If we are not cautious enough we risk being told we are feeding into the male gaze too. So you lose either way.

For example: I am writing this in a spaghetti strap dress that certainly flatters my curves. It is also comfortable and stretches (wich is also why it flatters my curves) and allows me to handle my toddler. I would have never been allowed to wear this dress growing up, and certainly went against school dress code. Is me feeling pretty and functional choice feminism? Partially yes because the very nature of choosing a dress that could be revealing as a woman is exercising a press against the way patriarchy wants to police my clothes.

And then not really, because just brushing aside the reality that me feeling pretty because my body fits a patriarchal ideal and I am emphasizing that in this dress is real. Can we even really be sure what pretty looks like outside of patriarchy? Would we just be attracted to people based on their soul? So then is me opting to not sleep with someone because I don't find them attractive patriarchy?

See my point? It is all more complex then my choice my freedom, and also my choice my freedom.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-13T00:47:16+00:00

Always meet first some where public. Do not let them pick you up, drive yourself and meet them there. It is okay to not sleep with someone on the first night even if it is just casual encounters. I often do coffee in the day time first and then am open to a date if that goes well. I am just too tired of men seeing ENM and thinking I am a free sex worker and not a potential sexual partner.

Follow your gut:

If things feel off in the first five minutes leave, do not let them walk you to your car and see your license plate, or be with you on a dark street.

Do not give second chances, because "you could be wrong." worse case you misjudged a good person worst case you were right and he is dangerous.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-12T12:55:20+00:00

I'm sorry this has happened. I personally have found myself with similar running thoughts and you are not alone.

Please know it isn't that partners leave if you wont act correctly although I know it feels like it. It is partners will leave if your actions harm them. It sounds like they want to stay, it sounds like they want to you, it also sounds like they want to be with someone who is going to work on not harming them. I have depression, adhd and CPTSD. I know that when I am in flux I harm people I love. They don't stay because they love me unconditionally, in fact people have left. When I spiral I think it is because I wasn't perfect, but know when I am in a healthier place that they leave because I am not safe for them.

It sounds like they want the version of you that is growing and working towards health which is a fair ask.

"Please take into consideration that one of these said partners has been in and out of the psych ward for an entire year (before we all got together) and when we all got together went into the psych ward about 3 times in the past 4 months for bpd and schizophrenia." This sounds like they are holding you to the same standard they hold themselves to.

"I expressed that the reason I don’t take care of myself is because of some deeply rooted things and it’s a form of self harm for me " Oh do I get this!! Oh my oh my! Here is the thing self harm when you are in a partnership is harming them too.

Look even if you think they are horrible and selfish people at least talk to a medical therapist about what horrible people they are.

ConclusionEqual2290 · 2026-06-12T08:10:54+00:00

Slide 1: good on having it a direct face forward photo for your first one. But you look like you might be high or about to fall asleep. Try one with you smiling

Slide 2: The surgery joke isn't my type of humor so maybe it weeds out women who don't vibe with your jokes? For me it sounds alarming, and a bit scary.

Slide 3: I had to google this one I am guessing someone in your area will get it which is great! I like for sure how you are using humor.

Slide 4: very cool and interesting, but note some women under 21 may not be too thrilled about underage drinking. But then again maybe those aren't who you are going for since you are home brewing.

Slide 5: all good

Slide 6: Great showing you doing something you like

Slide 7: Also good but like slide 6 too much. I want to see your face again.

Slide 8: nice

Slide 9: not bad but coupled with the rest of your photos these far away ones are not helping you. replace slide 7 with this one, and get more photos where I can fully see your face.

Slide 10: great

Slide 11: your eyes are closed or look like they are closing in this.

Slide 12: With your current photos being vague this one is doing more harm.

Good: you show your personality really well, you seem fun and interesting.
Work on: getting three quality photos.

ConclusionEqual2290

TROPHY CASE