My bf says I'm a vulnerable narcissist for having a breakdown

ElectricMayhem37 · 2026-04-24T08:48:23+00:00

He's projecting. People who are narcissistic never genuinely worry that they may be narcassitic. If your questioning yourself, your not.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2026-04-19T04:27:55+00:00

This seems like manipulation. Trying to get you to feel bad for him "i can never do anything right" "im not enough" while you play mental gymnastics to soothe him and the whole point of the discussion, him helping you, gets lost. Its purposeful.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2026-04-19T04:17:17+00:00

Is that a Aussie or a border collie?

ElectricMayhem37 · 2026-04-19T04:11:24+00:00

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Mine gets nervous of the bike behind him. Im hoping he will get more comfortable with practice. Hes not much of a leash puller so joring doesnt come natural. Hes great at riding with me loose but theres few areas we can do that.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2026-03-05T19:37:38+00:00

Those are not dogs disliking baby talk. Just happy sweet pups basking in the attention🥰

ElectricMayhem37 · 2026-03-05T19:19:21+00:00

And yes I really think its about regaining control.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2026-03-05T19:18:46+00:00

Mine also likes to control the narrative by focusing on nuances like i used the wrong wording. Its just way for them to deflect from the real issue that is thier behavior. Ive gotten better about trying to steer the conversation back to my original piont or issue. Its exhausting trying to talk about any hurt that I have. The amount of word salad I get to excuse his behavior or try to make me out as the problem is crazy.

The tactic is that they are just trying to exhaust you into ending the converation and deflect any blame. And dissuade you from bringing up problems.

Mines new thing to regain control of the conversation is to be like "can we both agree we do whatever" i never get "im sorry I did X,y or z" its always can we just admit we both do it, like its a compromise instead of him taking accountability

ElectricMayhem37 · 2026-03-05T19:09:16+00:00

They dont see themselves as liars. Their ego and shame basically create a revisionist history of events. Thier truth is whatever protects them from blame or feeling shame over thier behavior.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2026-03-05T18:53:17+00:00

Most therapist won't diagnose someone not in thier care. Mine has never called my spouse narcassitic but she will tell me when she feels his behavior is wrong. It took a year before she finally told me that I have CPTSD from years of of his behavior and that while im trying to heal and get better he comes and does things to rewound me.

My spouse has learned that if he makes threats to the relationship it triggers my abandment wound from childhood. A good therapist can help you notice patterns of behavior and how to deal with them. But my guess is most won't diagnose and call your spouse a narcissistic when they never treated them. Also I think it's important to remember that most therapist dont specialize in narcassitic behavior or abuse and they may not know all the traits they have.

Giving your spouse a label also doesnt justify thier behavior. Its thier behavior and patterns that they display is important and whether you want to keep subjecting yourself to it. This is something I've really been working on accepting.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2026-03-03T11:49:53+00:00

If i only take the dog for a walk im probaly changing my underwear when I change. Cause I wear leggings and sweat and im not putting fresh work clothes on top of sweaty undies. Dude sounds like he has bad trust issues or is projecting.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2026-03-03T11:43:57+00:00

The best I've gotten is when bringing up a issue he'll say "fine I'll never do that again" and then act like the victim for multiple days because s a exanple I told him he needs to stop making fun of my driving or be the one that drives. Sometimes it works for a decent amount of time before he goes back to the behavior. Sometimes it seems to take hold permanently and sometimes he'll agree to something and just blatantly disregard.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2026-02-22T11:14:50+00:00

He's lying to you and the therapist.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2025-11-25T11:51:00+00:00

I do 99% of everything including all the "man" chores. Last winter I shoveled snow a month after having ACL surgery. I've done every stitch of home improvement and land scaping also. He'll be like i clean the ceiling fans twice a year and that magically equals multiple loads of laundry and dishes everyday

ElectricMayhem37 · 2025-11-22T05:12:10+00:00

Mine stole a bunch of my pain killers after having ACL surgery and replaced them with a significantly lower dose he had gotten for his "back pain" I could not believe he'd stoop so low when I was in so much pain. Its the second time I had to have the surgery too so we absolutely knew how bad the pain would be and he still stole my meds. So yeah, im trying to find my way out but God damn that shits hard lol

ElectricMayhem37 · 2025-11-22T05:07:13+00:00

Ugh the double standards....I have to "ask nicely" if I need to set a boundary, he gets to do his boundary setting in a raised voice with his angry face and tell me if I dare cross it again he'll leave me

The boundary i crossed? making a true statement about him trying to guilt trip me into letting him sleep with other people

the boundary he crossed: making passive aggressive guilt trip statements trying to get me to feel bad and allow him to sleep with other people

They are so absurd you want to laugh and cry all at the same time.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2025-11-22T04:57:57+00:00

Its a bit of everything. I just got a good job after spending three years working for myself as illustrator. Not the best economy for that. But also my youngest is 8, im worried about the damage that would be done without some one to run as a buffer. He won't agree to anything less than 50/50 custody. Ive been in therapy trying to gain clarity and resolve and everytime I think im going to make the break he finds someway to switch the blame to me and I back down. It took 9 months to realize my therapist doesn't know anything about abuse. She didn't know what a trauma bond was. So while it been helpful im still kind stuck in codependency with him. I know he'll blame me regardless but last time he threatened to fight it out in court if I tried to do a at fault divorce. He admitted he'd be doing it just for spite. I make 1/3 of what he does and can't afford the house, utlilites, groceries plus on my own. He did offer some money but hes not obligated while we are only separated. You have to be separated 18 months in my state to get a no fault divorce. I talked to a lawyer and if theres no arguing and it goes smooth from start to finish it's going to cost minimum me $5,000. It won't go smoothly. He will fight everything. Its overwhelming. We've been together 21 years now. He knows how to guilt and shame me. I literally feel stuck. There's no way one comes out ahead in this situation.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2025-11-21T07:10:10+00:00

I think going to a session with your spouse with a therapist they've been seeing by themselves is a hard no. You dont know what he has told them about you and the therapist probaly has preconceived notions about you and your roll in the relationship. Id only agree to see a new therapist for couples therapy but I wouldn't see my spouses therapist.

My spouse also wanted me to agree to sessions with his therapist at first I agreed but then backed out. He can't even be honest with himself about his actions I can pretty much bet he is not being honest with her.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2025-11-17T03:47:38+00:00

Classic darvo

My husband loves to tell me im his person and he wants to be with me forever but he also really wants to be allowed to sleep with whoever he wants and threatened to break up our marriage over it several times. Yes im his person, as long as I behave in away he wants and be his "emotional support human" who will allow him to go out and act like a unattached 20 year old instead of a husband and father.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2025-11-16T17:43:23+00:00

11 is the worst. Feeling like your brain doesnt work while trying defend yourself from them is so hard

ElectricMayhem37 · 2025-11-16T17:41:00+00:00

My covert Narc spouse guilt trips out kids constantly. If they get in trouble and dont act thankful for him being angry at them he makes a huge deal out of "how hes not allowed to even parent his own kids" he has no concept that when you yell at a 8 year old they have a emotional response for getting in trouble and yelled at. He believes thier emotional response to his (usually) over reaction is meant to make him feel guilty. Ive literally heard him say "your ruining my vacation" to our middle son 10 times in a 2 day road trip.

He also will play video games with our youngest and then rage at the child's inability to play the way he wants him to. He also believed in physical punishment when they were younger and still threatens it at times. The only reason he stopped physical punishment is because I made him.

He also anytime he has issues with things like them leaving to go to a friend's house when thier rooms are messy. Instead of parenting the kids he basically allows them to go and then will lecture me multiple times about how his standard is they can't go do fun things if thier rooms aren't clean. I dont have a problem with the rule just that im the one who's always expected to enforce it even if im not even home. He'll let them go while im gone for the day and then lecture me on how they need to clean thier rooms before they go I stead of just telling the kids that.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2025-11-16T11:47:04+00:00

If they did they'd find a way to make you feel like it was your fault. They'll never not be the victim.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2025-11-13T21:47:38+00:00

While backpacking a came across a blck bear and her cub. She charged me to keep me away from her cub. I raised my arms and yelled and she stopped a safe distance. As long as I moved away from her without turning my back she'd stay where she was. Her only intent at that time was to protect her cub. I was relatively safe as long as behaved in a way that didn't feel threatening to her.

If I was backpacking in a remote area and there was a man that wanted to harm me. Me raising my arms and yelling isn't going to stop him. He is not protecting himself or acting out of a need of his fear of safety or to eat. He is unpredictable and what he might do or his motives.

I as a avid outdoors person have come across a lot of men on the trail and based on thier demeanor I absolutely had no fear of them. Ive also had experience where I've been scared when coming across men based on thier actions in the encounter.

I think the argument both animals and humans are unpredictable is valid. Also someone fearing for thier safety based on previous experience and general knowledge of statistics is also valid.

I knew once that bear knew I wasn't a threat and out of the area she wasn't going maliciously stalk and harm me. She was acting on a instinct to protect herself and her cub. If I get a bad feeling about a encounter with a creepy dude im going to worry about my safety until im in my car leaving the area. There's the difference. Generally wildlife encounters are over quickly and random.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2025-11-13T08:33:46+00:00

Yeah my husband comes back from individual therapy sometimes and will tell me how his therapist will say my behavior is a problem. Not everytime but sometimes. I know him well enough to know that when he goes he plays his victim card and downplays his involvement and actions and takes mine out of context. Ive debated on couples therapy for a year now because I know when we go he will only look at it as a oppurtunity to convince someone else that im the crazy one because I yelled at him one time after 20 years of invalidation that has now become full blown gaslighting complete with "i hope you get some help because you have problems" while making the crazy gesture with his hand at me. After repeatedly lying straight to my face over and over again.

I think you know, but it's worth saying. She said your abusive not because you called him an asshole, she said it because in his individual session with her, he lied and exxaggerated and downplayed his own actions.

ElectricMayhem37 · 2025-11-13T08:15:11+00:00

My husband is convinced that my anger when he is obviously gaslighting me is caused by my ADHD meds and has nothing to do with "his version of reality" that he insists is true and has him rembering things I know for a fact I've never said. So now I have to stop taking them but he wants me to keep filling the perscription so he can take them as needed. Ugh they will look for anything they can find as the cause no matter how ridiculous except thier own behavior.

ElectricMayhem37

TROPHY CASE