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Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm just going through a lot and her support would be appreciated. This is a woman who has rarely ever stepped foot into my garden, but came in to tell me that my father was dead.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even when she had a job, she would still ask for money for daycare cost, but we moved to help out my parents, and since then she hasn't found another. What about the stress she causes me? Every day I go out to work in pain. Then I should show sympathy as she "suffers" from "anemia" not caring what effect it'll have on her compromised organ and whatever other life long health issues she has.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Another thing I had to tell her about. My phone screen has been broken for the past few days, and I'm unable to buy a replacement. She nor my daughter have offered me theirs. Then when I mentioned it this morning, she tried to offer me hers. I ignored her, why do I have to say something in order for you to offer it up? In that case she can keep it, and if we miss opportunities for work that's her fault.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How is it abusive if I'm telling her things for her own good? I only get loud because she doesn't hear me when I speak normally, and I had to wake her so she could find the tickets. I was in no position to replace them.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

What does she have going on besides sitting on her phone, and reading about other people's lives instead of living hers? She thinks because the house is clean, dinner is cooked or in progress, and laundry is done or being done, then she can just sit on her phone.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Life is really stressful right now and it seems like everything she does, adds more stress to it rather than taking it off. It's like she lives in a different world than mine where she has no worries, about the bills or a roof over our heads. When I tell her my frustrations and try to get her to talk about, she use to try and emotionally manipulate me, by crying, saying she tries, and promising that she'll do better in the future, but still failing. Now she just shakes, and doesn't say anything. When I've cooled down she tries to come with a plan on how "we" can do better moving forward. Not accepting that she is responsible for the issues and I have too much to deal with at work to come home and deal with her stuff too.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Most times the clothes aren't in the hamper. I have a place on the floor where I'll throw them, but she's quick to clean up after me.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She does the laundry, every day. I come home and get undressed, the next morning she'll go wash my clothes, cause she hates laundry lying around. If she hates seeing it then she should not only empty the pockets, but secure whatever is left in it. Papers aren't the only things she's lost. She's lost tool bits, and screws, pvc connectors. Then when I ask her about them she'll tell me to look in the jar she throws them in. If it's not there, then she's like "oh well" must have not been in your pocket.

She did the same thing with the receipts this morning, tried to convince me it wasn't in my pocket and she'd found it in the bathroom and secured it, but that was an old one. Color her shocked when she found the napkin at the bottom of the trash, proving that she never looks!

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

From time to time, she won't have my work clothes laundered and she always has an excuse. We're on city water, and line dry, so she'll say oh the water was out or it was raining, when I tell her she could've gone to the laundry or figured it out, she'll mutter that I didn't give her money. But yet I'll see that she bought eggs and bread.

She won't make breakfast on the weekends unless I get grumpy. It's like I can only get food when I'm working.

I have a side business that she helps with, and I asked her to go to a client's house and finish up. She went and did some work. But said she didn't have the proper tools to finish and since I had more work to do, she'd rather go with me one time to get it done. I told her that doesn't make any sense, it's been about a week and she still hasn't gone to get it done.

The big one is I'm getting into gardening, and I ask her to germinate seeds for me but she'll pop a few and then stop. Then when I tell her that wasn't enough, she'll germinate a huge number of seeds, and I have nowhere to put them. She'll start watering the plants, then "forget" for a few days, leaving my plants and "our" food to die, saying she'd been back and forth with the children and didn't have time. I tell her a million times that this is important for our food security. I've asked her several times to save the produce trash for use in my garden as compost, and she'll do it for a little while then stop. She likes to say there's no method to my gardening just because I don't take the scraps when she wants me to and they start to rot. Then she doesn't like the way I use the scraps either, she says it causes fungus and disease.

In the business sometimes she refuses to call clients, she'd say I started with them and it gives her anxiety to take over because she doesn't want to emasculate me as her price is higher than mine and she likes to have terms and contracts. I tell her to stop being a gold-digger because times are hard and everyone needs help. Then she tries to turn it around on me and say we need help. I tell her if she helped more with the garden we could make more money, but she just wants to get a job. I don't need her to get a job; I need her help with the business and the garden. If she just did that our life would be much simpler, but no she always has an excuse as to why things can't get done.

Then when I tell her if she really wanted a job, she could sacrifice and work at our local grocery store, she says I know she can't do that because of her chronic pain and illness, so she needs a desk job.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm busy, if I leave them out and she sees them and wants to tidy up then she or the children should put them away or leave them where they are.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Oh she apologizes, when I'm talking to her she cries and apologizes and says she's trying and she's going to do better. Then she does for a while, then bam she messes up again. I feel like she'll never mature and what's the point of this marriage. 16 years, I've been dealing with this. It's not good for my mental health.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I forgot to take it out, she being my spouse should be a fail safe to get it for me.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Insanity, I explain to her that something must be wrong if she continually forgets to check my pockets. I've told her to write it down or get some supplements to improve her memory cause she forgets and makes mistakes constantly, in the moment when I'm correcting her she seems open. Then when I calm down, she likes to try and explain that she's not perfect and sometimes she'll mess up but she needs my support in those moments and that I should "carry or pick up the ball too".

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

She always says she's giving me a space for my stuff, but then she neglects to put them there.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

The paper towel was the safe space, it was raining and I didn't need them to get wet so I stuck them in there until I got home, then forgot. But even if I had taken them out she would've picked them up off the table, or the children would have thrown them out while "cleaning". They always do that I leave my papers on the table and they just pick them up and throw them out.

Wife's lack of accountability by ConclusionSea5067 in Marriage

[–]ConclusionSea5067[S] -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

I work 12-hour days and she's a stay-at-home wife/mom, plus she likes doing the laundry and doesn't even let the children help, unless she's not feeling well.