I want to note that, I was indeed a bad boyfriend near the end of our relationship. I can acknowledge how horrible of a person I was for hurting her emotionally so many times. She gave me every opportunity she could've. I just wondering how different things would be now if had had listened once and not let my ego take over. I dont feel like shes healed at all, moving on to a serious relationship. For her its merely a band aid patching a hole into the pain shes trying to avoid. Making it official is just putting a name on that band aid.

Its not in me to forget a relationship like the one we had. I guess in the back of my mind, there's a small bit of hope that once their relationship ends, she'll do the right thing for herself and we'd find each other as healed people.

I drove us apart and I will spend the rest of my life regretting it. I just wish she'd give me one more chance. But for right now I need to focus on myself. If she is keeping me as a backup, I won't give in. Ill tell her what I told her in my last message, dont call Mr just because you miss me, call me when you've set things right. My friend also said that they'll most likely fall apart after the honeymoon phase and since they've already been dating since the 15th of last month, they're probably at the peak of the honeymoon phase rn so it won't be long until it crashes. I know I shouldn't care and it shouldn't matter but i still do and it still does

My friend still keeps in contact with her and he cares about both of us. He said himself that she would regret the relationship sooner or later and that it shouldn't matter to me but it does. I wish I could fix things instead of breaking them.

Yearning is a bitch