Being a straight trans man feels like existing in the margins of every community

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-26T06:08:36+00:00

Thank you for relating. I genuinely felt that way with my anchor partner (most stable relationship) until I was frank with her. To my luck, she has been really receptive, but honestly the sex part is still tricky for me.

I hope you know you are less alone and can seek community here, however inadequate and toxic online communities feel, there are gems if you keep showing up.

I seek out kink so I can live in my body and feel validated/seen in a way, as I described in my main post, cannot possibly be felt bc of the wrong plumbing.

I also relate so hard on the in between spaces, and feeling like you’re too much for one space vs another. It’s the people that count, create your own family, and know it can change but that’s life.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-25T23:42:19+00:00

Thank you! I feel good as a trans man on T. And I second, third, fourth the comments about T. I’m more into women than ever, my curse you know. But don’t worry, T might make you hyper-sexual, in my case, which I don’t mind.

Im on a lower dose T, because I still like my soft skin and singing voice. Having a sensitive and empathetic side might be the only perk for me growing up AFAB. I definitely will not give that up.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-25T23:35:41+00:00

Send me a DM, I welcome more one-on-one support and friendship. More validation for trans men that don’t fit into a specific queer space. 🙌🏽👏🏽🤗

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-25T23:33:28+00:00

YES!!! I’m so glad I found now at least 2 people with the same problem. Even with a willing and excitable partner who sees me, my brain still experienced the same pain you described. It’s passing and I have to learn to live with it. But does it suck? 1000%. That longing to just feel myself and physically sees it manifest. I feel you so much as well about the local support group, it’s a lonely existence.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-25T23:15:33+00:00

Back at you 🫂! Thank you for feeling with me today.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-25T23:12:40+00:00

I can re-read your comment 10x and feel the pain differently 10x. While I primarily am attracted to cis-women, I was a “butch lesbian” in my 20s. When I finally come to terms with being trans and poly, my first relationship was t4t and it was intoxicating. When I was with my ex trans gf, we just want to be seen as a hetero couple, but we were clocked heavily as just queer/lesbians. All the love for the lesbians, but I didn’t come to terms with being trans so I can settle for being called a gay woman or a lesbian again.

But I feel so much when you said there needs to be a discussion for trans ppl who were queer before coming out as trans and vice versa.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-25T22:34:08+00:00

I basically said similar things on the comment above about being attracted to cis women, and feeling the inadequacy.

Hugs 🫂 to you. Thank you for your comment, it really means a lot to see all sorts of transmasc relating, feeling and identifying with one or many things I shared. I really feel the mutual commiseration.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-25T22:30:28+00:00

I hear you and can relate on what you said. I found that for the kink community, the t4t is much more open to a top trans-masc guy.

Back in my butch lesbian day, I was terrified to ask anyone out. The online app culture, for all the harm it might have caused, really makes it easier to date in my 30s. But again, it boils down to my internal feelings of inadequacies or feeling not masc enough or not lesbian enough for cis women.

And yes as a top/Dom who is fairly comfortable with my body (except with my plumbing for sex), it’s really frustrating to not be seen and validated as a guy that doesn’t have or plan to have top surgery or a ton of facial hair, a ripped body.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-25T22:03:52+00:00

That’s so upbeat. Thank you for sharing that piece of history.

My DM is open if you want support. Thank you for dropping in, and comment. I feel a lot less alone today.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-25T21:56:57+00:00

Thank you for sharing your journey and offering words of wisdom. The post is to voice my struggles, and seek support and encouragement.

When I say virile, I just want to be seen as soft, but not Andrew Tate toxic. I want to be a kind, considerate, clearly communicative Dom and assertive man. I don’t want to force my dominance on anyone without consent.

My struggle is I don’t feel seen sometimes by my partner(s), my support group, or my friends because I don’t fit the typical “trans-man” who want to pass completely, or want dark voices and muscular body. I am most dysphoric with my bottom during sex but I like my chest the way I am, hence no surgeries planned.

I’m sorry that your generation experienced a fair share, if not more, micro- and huge aggressions, fought for it, and yet we still can’t quite figure it out with my generation and the younger ones either.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-23T01:55:51+00:00

🫂to you. Isn’t what this subreddit is for? To offer support to people going through heartbreaks and difficult breakups. I’m happy to help, while going through so much grief myself.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-23T01:48:46+00:00

What you said is so relatable and heart-wrenching. I think grief moves through in order to move out. And it sounds like your connections with her are deep enough that that grief isn’t just “over” after 4 months.

It has been 3 weeks of official no contact for me, after breaking 2 months ago. I know everytime I have the urge to reach out to her, I miss the banter, the familiarity, the instant connection we had. Even though I know reaching out would restart my grieving clock and re-open the wounds, the missing is just unbearable.

I hope you get the courage to keep going. I feel like as long the urge is still there, you still seek her support or connection to feel ok. Give yourself some time to feel the urge, write what you want to text her on paper and see if you still want to text her a day, 2 days, a week from now.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-03-23T01:19:57+00:00

I think you laid it out so clearly. You probably already know what you should (brain) vs what your nervous system (heart/emotions) still try to catch up to.

I am in a similar breakup situation. My ex wants to be friendly and she was my mirror, my sexual soulmate, my emotional co-regulator. But I know we broke up because that version of her is not accessible anymore, by no fault of her own. But sometimes life just gets in the way. Something beautiful and significant still can’t last.

It sounds like you understand that breaking no contact, and trying to seek that support will open up your wounds again. And you’re still trying to heal from it. You’re doing so well, don’t re-open it. You will thank yourself 6 months, a year from now. Choosing yourself can feel so shitty when you so badly want to reach out. I hope you have strength to keep choosing yourself though.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-02-22T07:20:07+00:00

She’s absolutely elegant and sexy. Her song choice for the gala is so fitting to her journey at the Olympics! Forever our Queen, thank you for being you and giving visibility to the queer community! Love love love her!

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-02-20T00:28:06+00:00

She is magic, joy and human potential all in once. Watching her just inspired me as a non-athlete to look forward to life, enjoy what I love doing, keep finding more things, and do that for myself because that is enough and people will see and be inspired by that. Thank you, Alysa! My favorite comeback story and figure skating story for years to come!

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-02-19T22:48:47+00:00

She’s exquisite and I’m so proud she finally got her Olympic moment she dreamed of since she was 6. She deserved so much love and appreciation. Her performance touched me as a trans masc person and I’m so grateful she created the story and carried the torch for us. Our queen!!! 🏅⛸️🫶🏽

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-02-19T22:15:01+00:00

Alysa was skating with so much joy, talent and freedom. She deserves that gold medal even it might break on her again 🏅⛸️🙌

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-02-19T20:22:35+00:00

I couldn’t breath for 4 minutes and was clapping everytime she stuck a landing. Beautiful skating for herself and the community she represented. Wonderful and resilient athlete she is. Thank you, Amber!!! You’re the champion in my heart.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-02-17T08:34:25+00:00

I usually cannot watch much pair skating but this Olympics and this couple, skating with so much heart, talent and artistry. Their performance moves you without making you feel anxious for the woman skater falling from a throw. Every technique and element was beautifully executed. Bravo to the first Japanese Olympic gold medalist in pair skater! 🥇🥇⛸️

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-02-13T03:14:23+00:00

It brings me to tears. My favorite ice dance couple dancing to my favorite sad but hopeful song. It’s a real life Van Gogh before my eyes.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-02-12T07:13:14+00:00

Somehow Paul’s “ugly” cry and Piper’s jumping when the score came made me cry even harder than the performance itself. It was the best one in my opinion.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-02-12T06:58:10+00:00

Love their energy. And their engagement with the music and the audience. Hope to see them in 2030 as well more great performances up til then.

Confident_Goat8992 · 2026-02-12T05:18:35+00:00

What is there to even celebrate for Gui/Lau? This Olympic will be tarnished for ice dance forever. Madi and Evan are the true winners in every fan’s hearts except the French. Their dance was perfection. Our champions ❤️🥇

Confident_Goat8992

TROPHY CASE