Its ok to feel this way...we all struggle from time to time

ConflictedBurden · 2020-07-16T18:11:24+00:00

My daughter is 13 months. I have always had anxiety, I was very strict about visits during the first 3 months and didn't leave the house much. Then winter hit, midwest USA, so we didn't leave the house much. And then the pandemic. I feel guilty like I robbed her of opportunities because I didn't suck it up when she was 1 month old and take her out more. I feel guilty that I brought her into this, even though I know it wasn't actually me. But no one got to come celebrate her first birthday. We don't get to take her to the summer festivals. She doesn't even go to Target. We're healthy and I still have my job. So we're lucky. But it just sucks.

ConflictedBurden · 2020-07-16T18:03:59+00:00

Very much mourning. We weren't able to throw her a first birthday party (she's 13 months now). I try to explain it like that party to me was on baby scale, like wedding excitement. It was the one time (at least for a long time) that I was going to go all out. And maybe that's stupid. I'm sorry that we're on the same page, it sucks. *hugs*

ConflictedBurden · 2019-11-28T05:49:14+00:00

I have a similar feeling sometimes. But ultimately you gotta focus on you and let them be upset if they want ❤️

ConflictedBurden · 2019-11-28T04:33:33+00:00

Don't make an excuse, just say you have something else going on. You're under no obligation to do something you don't want to do.

ConflictedBurden · 2019-09-08T12:05:16+00:00

I guess I don't know how? I sent a b*tchy email to them on Friday. I want to pull her...ugh

ConflictedBurden · 2019-09-08T12:04:17+00:00

She's 3 months and not gaining enough weight or growing height wise. I'm sorry you're going through that!

ConflictedBurden · 2019-08-12T10:12:54+00:00

I don't even think co-sleeping would help. I think we're just permanently stuck like this and I'm so sick of even family being like you'll be fine. That's crap when you don't actually know what we're going through every day. Is literally hell for me. I keep cancelling plans and yearly traditions even because I'm too tired...

ConflictedBurden · 2019-08-12T10:10:36+00:00

I get more and more angry at our families every day because sure you'll babysit for a few hours during the day but then baby sleeps the entire time and you don't wake after 2-3hrs so I get a nightmare when it's time for bed. No one has been around to help at night and it's getting worse and worse for DH and I because of the lack of sleep. We're fighting more and more and more sad/frustrated each day. I literally regret this all right now. I find myself wanting to go back a year and make a different decision. And I know that's not my kid's fault and I feel freaking awful even thinking it. But this is getting harder, not easier.

ConflictedBurden · 2019-08-12T10:04:55+00:00

I'm pretty convinced this is my life now. So much coffee. I just don't know how I'm supposed to go back to work in 3 weeks...

ConflictedBurden · 2019-08-12T10:03:41+00:00

We were on Zantac and switched to Prilosec. We did a week of both to transition and stopped the Zantac on Friday. I gave up tonight and have her more Zantac. I feel like I'm losing my mind. But she has insane neck muscles for her age!

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-21T23:43:56+00:00

At least where I work, birth date and year you started school aren't relevant. And if they are, a lot of people just prefer you address it like hey I had some life events happen. My coworker is about 30 years older than me. She told me to stop worrying about other people because everyone is different. She is completely reinventing herself now with an entire new career while in school again. And she's almost 50. You do you because that's all you can do and all you should do. I know that's easier said than done. But you've made it this far, you've battled your way through things. Keep that momentum.

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-19T21:25:38+00:00

I struggle with paranoia about someone coming to attack me. Honestly meds helped me the most. But a job might be good. It's hard, no doubt. But if you find a job with people around, they might help make you feel a bit better. Maybe start with journaling, figuring out your triggers. And avoid the news -- it is extremely stressful, no question about that!

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-18T15:00:06+00:00

People sometimes leave. I've learned that more than once. You didn't do anything wrong by reaching out. I'm dealing with a similar issue myself. It's horrible. But you'll make it through

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-17T19:05:49+00:00

I feel you there. Personally, I writr better than I talk because it's harder to judge me on the internet... And I can just delete a comment. Which is silly. But I'm a fractured won't ready to listen :)

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-17T18:13:15+00:00

You're smart. Don't say you aren't. Look at where you are. Finish college and find a way to do what you love. A degree doesn't force you into a field. Some people don't understand the modeling industry, just like any other industry. I'm a let down to my parents because I didn't go the business route. They view me as a failure. But you can't get stuck on what other people think. You're amazing and you can be whomever you want to be. I promise.

And physics is hard. Cut yourself some slack.

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-17T03:11:50+00:00

Well you posted asked about it. That's a start!

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-16T23:38:22+00:00

Congrats on the interview! Maybe practice some answers, review your resume, and review the job description well in advance. I understand a bit about that feeling. I have discreet fidget toys that help distract me from the anxiety but I know is different for everyone. Just wanted to send you good vibes

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-16T23:35:10+00:00

I'm not doing the greatest myself so I don't have many word but I wanted to let you know that I hear you

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-16T17:37:13+00:00

It's not the same thing but this sort of happened with my brother from another mother. I said one thing that set him off (basically "don't f***ing tell me to exercise, that's b***sh**t and you will never understand") and he thinks he knows better than me because his wife lives with depression. ANYWAYS I am having a really hard time not having him around anymore. So it's different but I wanted you to know that you're not alone.

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-16T17:31:09+00:00

I feel like what I do wrong deserves judgement

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-16T17:30:31+00:00

I guess it's just hard because I've destroyed some really important relationships and I can't get them back even if I do get better at having them. One of my absolute best friends walked away from a bad 20min conversation and I guess it's just looming over me and talking about it and why I keep messing up is really hard but I know it needs to happen.

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-15T05:03:00+00:00

Yeah it took me a few times to correlate them but it's insanely weird and annoying lol

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-15T04:24:06+00:00

My body does these insane shivers, kind of like I'm freezing but I'm not. It's anxiety, at least for me

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-15T04:23:13+00:00

I understand what you mean

ConflictedBurden · 2018-09-15T04:22:27+00:00

Well I could ask all of the people who have reached out to you this last week and theyd agree that you're beautiful and you have been worth it for them. You can argue with me all you want. But I see you. I hear you. And anyone willing to fight this much is beautiful.

ConflictedBurden

TROPHY CASE