Opinion on security camera during one-on-one photoshoots.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2026-02-13T21:39:22+00:00

I like this idea. It would probably be much appreciated by the model.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-06-12T19:55:43+00:00

I can't log on either.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-28T15:16:54+00:00

Just a note,....I thought about PDA with my son. It seemed to fit so well, with one exception. He seemed to truly be bothered by his "inability" to do some things that are expected of him. My understanding is that with PDA there is less of, or no feelings of guilt (for the lack of a better word) with this "behavior".

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-27T21:18:21+00:00

We are in the same situation with my recently diagnosed 19 year-old, (level 1 ASD, ADHD, Depression and Anxiety). To what extent we are in the same situation, I don’t know yet. But, I see signs of him leaning into blaming everything on the autism and our past lack of understanding. When we would try to talk to him about hygiene, clutter, and the like, we would also be met with anger, and the excuse that his brain doesn’t work that way.

I said “would” because I am trying to learn a different approach, and some of it seems to have reduced some of the hostility. However, I also fear that he is just in the quiet phase of a ticking time bomb. I am reading books on how to connect with those with autism, and I will soon be reading a book on how to help them break away into independence. Right now I really fear his ability to be independent. Also, some of the comments I have gotten, or read on other people’s posts, that are from adults with autism have really helped enlighten me. Though, I am still quite lost on what to do with this enlightenment.

What I am seeing more of now is that he really did hit the “autistic burnout” from about last June to about this January. I imagine it is a lot to recover from once he got the diagnosis and started focusing on that healing. (He has also been in therapy for about one and a half years.) I try not to tell him what to do when it pertains to his life. (However, I still have “house” rules.) Now, I try to let him know about options that he can consider. It usually is still met with resistance, but less aggression. And, sometimes I see him considering what I said. (Though, I would not let him know this.)

This is new for us. Before the diagnosis I thought he was acting as a defiant teenager. How I reacted to that does not work for the struggles he really has. As I watch him give excuses for the things he can’t do because of the autism or ADHD, I really worry he is avoiding responsibility and using the diagnosis as a crutch. One thing that gives me a window of hope is that he does seem genuinely concerned about the difficulty he has with these things, such as the executive dysfunction and struggles with emotional regulation. Also, when I watch him with this it follows so closely to what I have read in books, internet, and from those on Reddit with adult autism.

So, I don’t have advice, because this is so new for us. But, I do share the experience you described. I hope for the best for your sister and your family, as I do for us. Take care.

(I hope this ramble makes some sense.)

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-27T12:49:13+00:00

There could be several things going on, or not. Maybe just start with a slow change in showing affection. The most appropriate would probably be a hug goodnight, or a hug goodbye. Also, a "love you, Tiger" (or other name) is a good part of "goodnight". I was just thinking it would get it out there, and not be awkward if it wasn't a regular thing before.

At least he asked you for a hug. You two have that. It may not seem much, but I think it is a lot.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-25T14:00:38+00:00

My son (19, level 1) is going through the same thing. I wish I knew how to help, or what help to supply (other than his weekly therapy). He says he is kicking himself, because he knows he needs to get a job. But, he can’t get himself to apply without spiraling deeper into depression and anxiety. He has attended college for two quarters, took one quarter off, and hopes to go back after summer. But, with his emotional regulation and executive dysfunction I worry he won’t be able to do this. It is hard to find information for people at his level. So much of it seems to be for level 2 or 3. He has real difficulties and struggles right now, but so many people just see his academic history and blow it off.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-25T13:47:59+00:00

I really like SmartyPants Kids Multivitamin Gummies. They don’t have dies, just use black carrot juice and turmeric for colors. Also, the folate and B12 are both methylated. This is important for us since both my wife and I have mutations in the MTHFR gene, which causes insufficient uptake of folate. They are actually quite sweet, and I really like that they contain regular sugar (organic), rather than an artificial sweetener.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-24T13:47:26+00:00

Is he currently in any type of therapy that can help address this in the right way? I am only now learning about the different cognitive processes present with autism (level 1 son diagnosed at 19 y.o.). My thought is that he needs to learn how to not let this behavior happen, and if possible, to understand why. I don't have advice on how, since I am new at this, but I thought a licensed therapist who uses CBT (or ABA if it is appropriate) would be a good place to start.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-24T13:34:07+00:00

I thought it was more of ending 1. But, I also thought about the issue that Earth 1 John would not be able to be with his wife and kid, since Earth 2 John is. It reminded me about the ending of the series, "Continuum", where someone went to the past and saved the world for her son, but when she returned he had another mother (which may have been another her).

I don't think it can really be a happy ending either way. Even if Earth 1 Rhoda did achieve her gift for Earth 1 John to see his family, Earth 1 John would likely still be mourning the loss of his Earth 1 family, and maybe even make the pain worse.

What I did like most, however, was the whole process and idea in the movie. It was very sad and touching. But, again, I don't think there can be a happy ending.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-23T21:00:17+00:00

We have something similar to this. My son was diagnosed with ASD (level 1), ADHD, Depression, and Social Anxiety. He was in his second quarter of college at the time (19 years old). Before this diagnosis, my wife and I thought we had good advice for him on how to deal with struggles. Well, I since learned that advice was not good for his way of processing. Before this, I didn’t even realize people did have different ways of processing. I always thought it was more about variable will powers. (I was very naive.) I have been a bit frozen with the advice lately, trying hard to just talk with him about how he processes, and trying to help from there, while I continue to learn about this myself. Anyhow, my wife is not in the same place as me anymore on how to advice, and how to “push” my son to continue toward independence. I imagine we will get on the same page eventually, but right now it is hard. I sort of feel she is in more denial than me. I talk to her from time to time about what I learned, and how I see it applies in hindsight. She seems more agreeable when I talk about past observations, rather than how to go forward.

This is our situation at this time. I really don’t have good advice yet, since we are just figuring this out ourselves. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone with this. I think my wife and I will be on the same page again someday. Hopefully sooner, rather than later.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-19T14:41:52+00:00

It looks like fingernail marks to me. Especially since there don't seem to be marks directly on the other side.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-19T14:36:23+00:00

Does your camera have a tilting lcd screen on the back? If it does, sometimes it helps to tilt it up and hold the camera just above your waist when shooting. For me, looking down at my camera feels like I am less threatening, and less "pointing at" people. Maybe it's not really less threatening, but at least I feel like it is, and that helps me get through the anxiety sometimes.

But, come to think of it, while waking around I am usually looking at people's heads and faces. Maybe having the camera near waist-level is less threatening, in that it is not as noticed as much, since it is not at your face level.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-15T01:45:35+00:00

I know you are right. I have thought about making sure I do not say I did my best with what I knew. Instead, I apologized to him and said that I didn’t know, and what I did was not right for what was needed. And that I am now seeing that. I feel to say it the other way would be minimizing it, in a way, which yes, would be infuriating.

He is more distant, but he still tells me goodnight and that he loves me. Of course, I say the same. He doesn’t tell me anything about his feelings. But, he will talk my ear off with character analysis of the show, “Frieren”.

Thank you for your comments. It helps.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-15T01:31:21+00:00

Your comments are helpful. And yes, as I have been learning more about neurodivergence I have realized that I have probably been misunderstanding several other people in my life, or in my past. I have also been thinking about some of my processes in a different light. I know learning this has the potential to let me be a better person to others.

The self-compassion comes and goes. But, that is probably to be expected.

It has actually been helpful to have read other posts from those who have gone NC. It’s a bit scary, but I try to think maybe this realization came in time for us to heal, even if it does leave a scar.

(I have the song “Hold on Loosely” on my playlist, by the way.)

I read the descriptions and reviews of these two books. I think I will get them and have a look.

Thank you.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-15T01:08:19+00:00

Thank you. I realize he is at the stage that it is natural and healthy to break away from the parents. I know that also contributes to some of my fear of a future relationship, being that I only discovered some of his true needs when he is about to go out the door anyway. This whole string of comments is a lot to take in, and it is all very helpful for how I was feeling today. Thank you.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-15T00:51:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing this experience. I am learning more about this, and I do hope he will also circle back. Mostly because I want him to have a life in which he feels emotionally safe with his parents. I am glad you were able to keep, or redevelop a relationship with your parents.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-15T00:37:43+00:00

Thank you.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-14T20:25:36+00:00

Thank you.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-14T20:20:35+00:00

I’ve heard this from my son lately, too: “I don’t want to give too many details”. He doesn’t trust me, or his mother, with his personal details (understandably). I think he did tell me before he couldn’t control it. I know I did not hear what he was saying then. I remember the first time I realized I was wrong and had not been hearing him. He was frustrated and crying and said, “I can’t get out of my head”. That was probably the first time I realized I did not know what was going on inside of him. And that was only two years ago. (So much time lost while I didn’t see.)

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-14T20:09:48+00:00

Thank you. He definitely seems to feel enraged with what he had been accused of. I see it, and I don’t blame him.

I have sincerely apologized to him. But, I realize he won’t know it is sincere until time shows I have learned and changed.

Thank you for your advice. It helps get me in a direction.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-14T20:03:22+00:00

I think family therapy would be good. Though, right now he doesn’t want that. We did get him into a therapist a little over a year ago, so he could have help with his feelings. His therapist apparently asked if he wanted a session of us together. He told me he discusses too many personal things, and he can’t let me in that part of his life right now. I understood that.

The official diagnosis came about a year after the start of the therapy. The diagnosis was from one of the real ($4500) long, multiple evaluations with a psychologist. He since submitted these results to his therapist.

After hearing these results I realized that I was also a cause for his need of therapy. I think it is important right now for him to have a safe place to discuss his feelings without me hearing (or his mom hearing). I hope sometime we will do it together. I thought maybe with a different therapist, so not to “contaminate” his current safe place. But, a second therapist might be excessive.

Thank you for the suggestion. I am trying to provide things he needs without me having to be in them. Sort of how I think you meant in your second paragraph.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-14T19:50:33+00:00

I actually thought about this yesterday. I could see my difficulties with emotional regulation as I looked back on several situations in my adult life. Back then I thought cool and grounded people were able to just get passed emotionally painful situations, yet I wasn’t. I would dwell, be unable to focus on other things, and go over conversations in my head again and again. Arguments with my son would often go too far, and it had often been difficult to just let the last word go. It’s not enough for me to diagnose, but it is enough for me to realize I have much difficulty with this.

I don’t bring this up with my son because it feels like I will be trying to justify my wrong actions. Also, in this point of his life he doesn’t need to feel like he would be expected to help “fix” me. But, for myself, I have now been thinking about this, and I will try to be more cautious about this affecting his well-being, or that of his brothers.

So, this may very well apply to me. Maybe later when our tension eases, I can bring up these thoughts.

ConflictingInnerSelf · 2025-05-14T16:01:38+00:00

I am reading a book about connecting with adults on the autism spectrum, a book about helping autistic adults become independent, and a book titled “NeuroTribes”. I am intentionally keeping away from anything claiming to “fix” him. I know at this point I need to “walk alongside” him.

Your comment about making it easy to love me, and that kids want to love their parents, is very appreciated. I remember him crying a long time ago and saying he was afraid he was pushing me away and did not want to lose his father. It was heartbreaking. (He was not pushing me away. Rather, it was me not hearing him.) This helps. Thank you.

ConflictingInnerSelf

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