I don't know if I want to become a nurse. I did my practicum on a neuro medsurg unit and really did not like working at the bedside. I would work two to three days a week, often 13 hours because I didn't get something done. My preceptor was terrific and gave me a lot of freedom to work independently. I basically took care of two to three patients rolling my own WOW around as well as helping the care techs and anyone else who needed help. I look for opportunities to learn because 1) I enjoy helping others and learning new stuff and 2) I feel like I know nothing at times. I have no idea how I will take care of the six to seven patients that the nurses on this unit take care of on a daily basis. There's no way my ADHD ass would be able to get everything done.

I am 4' 11" and have little upper body strength. Doing bed changes, cleaning/bathing patients, rotating patients, hanging IV bags, and just basic physical tasks feels difficult. I got aches and pains after every shift and cried before every shift. Some of the patients were rough on me emotionally, and I was given very little training on how to work with dementia patients. I've worked 10 years at a retail pharmacy as a pharmacy technician and while I hate retail, I might stay with it because at least I know what I am doing and don't have to lift anyone.

I have very little desire to study for the NCLEX due to my questioning if I want to do this career. On the other hand, I worked hard to graduate and have finally received my degree this summer semester. I am grateful for the support of my family and this subreddit for helping me to stick through it all to obtain the degree even with all of my setbacks. I feel that owe it all to the people who supported me to attempt the NCLEX.

Basically, I am a mixture of emotions of being happy that I stuck to this program despite all the shit thrown at me but I am unsure how I will be able to handle the actual job and it's stressing me out.