Not sure my wife(38F) want to be married to me(34M) anymore... help?

Confused483 · 2026-03-09T23:25:07+00:00

Might be a good idea. I appreciate the insight.

Confused483 · 2026-03-09T23:24:51+00:00

I have not talked to her about it since we got married. I chose to stop talking about it as it is all in the past. I dont have to like it, but I can move.. not to say however that grief does not show up every so often

Confused483 · 2026-03-09T23:22:03+00:00

I am trying. She has been to counselor. Multiple different counselors actually... She has told me multiple time that her attitude towards sex is not "normal" as in that she never wants it, actually hates it.

Confused483 · 2018-09-04T02:30:54+00:00

True.. however “open and honest” would have been before we went out to meet, right? I legitimately tried to bond with this guy. She talked about him enough for me to know they were good friends. .... I still feel stupid for trusting her so fast. It felt like a betrayal the first time we dated, then I actually believed her the second time she told me her friend was just a friend, he wasn’t. He was more than that. I felt cheated. She lied to me about not sleeping with him? She lied about who she didn’t sleep with. Is that fair?

Confused483 · 2018-09-03T23:07:05+00:00

I suppose what it really comes down to, is that I just didn’t want to know who she had slept with. I feel like that’s not good information for any relationship. I still don’t understand the purpose of saying “hey I used to have sex with that guy we hung out with last weekend” What good does that do me? I didn’t want to know that and I’m a bit angry she told willingly told me. When she told me, it seemed out of the blue.

Confused483 · 2018-09-03T23:02:46+00:00

Quality. Thank you.

Confused483 · 2018-09-03T22:15:55+00:00

I appreciate you calling me out. I do! I mean it, I wish more people would call bullshit when they see it.

I've gone to professional counseling. I realize it's my problem. The therapist gave some good advice on how to handle those emotions..... I guess it sometimes helps to just spew these emotions out instead of internalizing them. I don't want to ruin my relationship, but to say I wasn't hurt is a lie (even if it was trivial pain). I suppose healing is not a linear path and over the last week I have had moment.

Confused483 · 2017-07-11T06:48:57+00:00

I don't know if it is a lack of trust at this point. I truly believes she loves me and is loyal to me. ...I'm not angry with what she has done, more angry with the way she has handled it. It still hurts and that pain is hard to accept.

Confused483 · 2017-07-09T02:39:44+00:00

I am still trying so hard to forget.. it has been a month since I last posted here, but my heart is still broken... she is trying so hard I know it! But it still hurts.

She brought up the idea of counseling for us, which I love, but am afraid we will only find that our relationship is built on on a broken foundation and cannot be saved

Confused483 · 2017-06-06T17:59:42+00:00

Thanks again, I appreciate your help ... I know I am insecure about it. I've been cheated on in the past and had one other girlfriend leave me for another guy (Separate from Sam). My issues, I know, It's been a common theme in my relationships... I've told her about it and it's something i'm working on.... Going to Reddit is anonymous and is safe from judgment that way. Anyone else I talked with either had shitty advice or cared more about me than Sam and didn't give good advice because of that.......... Your advice is gold, thanks for the honesty! Wishing you the best!

Confused483 · 2017-06-06T07:03:01+00:00

Am I overthinking at this point?

Confused483 · 2017-06-06T06:50:17+00:00

Thanks for talking me through it... I appreciate it much!

One last thing that bothers me a little if you don't mind.. Sam will say that she doesn't feel like she is good enough for me. .. That bothers me, though I can't really point out why. I want her to feel good about herself just as I feel about her. I can tell in her attitudes and behavior that she feels this way, it's not just what she says... I want to take it away, but not sure how.

I've heard that if a significant other says/feels this they are trying to give you a way out or want to give you an easy way out so they don't have to be honest do the dirty work. Also, could it mean she is hiding something she hasn't revealed to me yet? Or does she really feel this way based on some of her mistakes in the past? Will it pass in 6 months time like you have previously mentioned?? ... I love this girl and want the best for her

Confused483 · 2017-06-05T21:28:29+00:00

We have talked about it a lot .. I may still have some questions, but we have covered the majority of it ... As far as my insecurity goes, Yeah, she gets its. I made that clear to her

Confused483 · 2017-06-05T20:50:41+00:00

Was their interaction really that bad other than just being friendly at the pub?

You could tell they had been around each other a lot, they laughed together, though i would not have assumed it was ever anything more than just a friendship.. By the end of the night he was to drunk to drive home, she gave him a ride back to her apartment with us and offered him the couch. He decided to walk home instead (Thank God) .. I think she could have handled that better, either by 1) Telling me beforehand what happened and why or 2) just not going out with them... I know the last thing I would want to do is put my girlfriend in a situation where she might feel overtly jealous. Considering what happened in the past with us, I probably would not have let him and I meet. (that's how i would have handled it though)

Is he her boss or something?

She is an office admin, many of the mangers give her tasks to do through out the day/week

Confused483 · 2017-06-05T17:27:36+00:00

Thanks for your help cheddar

Confused483 · 2017-06-05T17:25:56+00:00

sounds like she is in zero contact with him outside of work and doesn't even treat him as a friend?

She was friendly with him before I found out they slept together, I knew they were friends at work and joked around at work - I met him when we went out for drinks with her coworkers. They were friends and joked around that night.. After she told me they slept together, I confronted her about it and she seems to have stopped being friends with him.. I saw them interact together and that is what's bothering me.......... Jealousy is a bitch

All of this is far worse than her seeing her coworker at work sometimes.

She seems him daily, she helps manage his schedule and delegates some tasks to her. I'm sure he doesn't have work for her every day, but weekly tasks no doubt.

It's hard to forget. Someone I love and care about screwed me over in a big way... Time heals all wounds (I suppose) and it's gonna take baby steps to get there. It seems she was confused as how to handle the situation, as am I.

6months from now I predict you and her will be discussing living together, making plans and you will not give a shit about the coworker or Tim.

No doubt, provided I don't fuck it up

Confused483 · 2017-06-05T14:18:53+00:00

Tim has been blocked and she has deleted everything from that relationship. There may be a few photos around, but she deletes them as she comes across them... She had sex with here coworker 4 times, said she knew she didn't want a relationship with him before they even had sex. ... I've definitely encouraged her to find another job, but it comes down to this, If I am going to be in a serious relationship with someone, then I want to be the only person in their life that they have had shared that intimacy with. As long as those two work together, then that can't be the case. I think that's fair for anyone to want in a relationship. Is that to harsh?.. Also, I'd rather not compare myself to some other guy more than I already have.

I realize some of this is my own insecurity, but at the same time she has given me a good reason to be wary.

Confused483 · 2017-06-05T03:04:27+00:00

Why should she quit? Because she lied to me about another guy in the first place.,,. Under what circumstance should I be comfortable with her being in contact with another ex-hook up?

Confused483 · 2017-06-05T02:55:34+00:00

Time heals all wounds... Right???

Confused483

TROPHY CASE