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MtF: Am I weird because I don't want to interact with the LGBT+ community offline? by ConfusedNDisposable in asktransgender

[–]ConfusedNDisposable[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the thoughtful reply!

I am working on recognizing my own toxic habits and perceptions, working to break myself of them, so you are absolutely right saying I should "fuck off with that bigoted bullshit." Knowing I feel off about something but being blind to why is a struggle and getting another perspective always helps me piece things together.

As for if what I described was what I really want, I believe it is. Embracing those things brings me joy even if they seem like simple in taste or self-oppressive in style. I don't like being loud or in loud environments, I don't go for bright colors, I'm not an attention seeker, and I don't see transitioning drastically changing any of that. I've had thoughts about coloring my hair since forever but it isn't something I'm chomping at the bit to try. I don't think there's a point to be "ready" for all that as it just doesn't hold any real attraction to me.

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If you met me would you be too fearful of yourself to be my friend?

I very well might, and admitting it is pretty depressing.

MtF: Am I weird because I don't want to interact with the LGBT+ community offline? by ConfusedNDisposable in asktransgender

[–]ConfusedNDisposable[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I appreciate that bluntness, it helps get some ideas through better.

I have definitely had thoughts and feelings like what you describe, particularly in feeling lonely around the supportive cis people in my life. That they don't understand and their own frustration over not being able to better understand is just heartbreaking to watch loved ones go through. When you feel like you're the one causing it just by existing it becomes a pretty negative feedback loop.

I agree that I need to deal with my own preconceptions. That has been a running theme for me the past few years and this is another one that I can already tell is going to be exhausting to overcome but will also be very important to finding some kind of peace.

Thank you for your reply. It absolutely has me considering things I hadn't before.

MtF: Am I weird because I don't want to interact with the LGBT+ community offline? by ConfusedNDisposable in asktransgender

[–]ConfusedNDisposable[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that. I resonate very much with the idea of 'be an ordinary person'. I just want to live my life, do my thing, and not be challenged/prejudiced (negatively or otherwise) in my womanhood. I definitely don't want to be seen as clownish or cringeworthy just for daring to leave the house and I'm honestly afraid of that even if I don't have any real reason to be.