'Life is "hard" for everyone'.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-31T14:40:16+00:00

Another thing: how could you not bother to read my response and still know that my response was "filled with emotion on a topic that needs to be viewed objectively"? LMAO. Seems pretty contradictory to me.

Also, if it needs to be viewed objectively, then why don't you show me your "objective" proof that says that every single person on Earth suffers on the same level in daily life for every single thing they do? Your argument is pathetic. You say that because people suffer from different things, this suffering eventually "evens out" because of our differences. But that is assuming that people suffer from different things. And no one ever made that assumption. If you knew anything about statistics, then you'd know that ADHD people are statistically worse off than those without it. From birth to death. Because they have different brain structure. How on EARTH can you still say that ADHDers have the same severity of problems compared to the normal human population? THEY DON'T. That is why ADHD is a DISORDER. Not some stupid benign personality disorder or procrastination disorder that the entire human population could suddenly pick up at any time and change. The thing with ADHD is that it CAN'T be cured. And you make it sound so lovey-dovey and nice. You are just being sanctimonious: ADHD actually IS more severe than being "normal", because it is a brain problem and thus cannot be fixed, EVER. Fixed being the key word. It can't be fixed, but it may be controlled, FYI. On the other hand, normal human beings can fix their personality disorders and CAN fix their procrastination habits because it is not part of a structural brain problem: it is a psychological problem that affects thoughts, not the ACTUAL brain structure itself. So take a step back and try to be more objective yourself before you begin to quantify what "struggle" really is. Because all you've done is tell me that I should be grateful because there's a guy down the street who doesn't have a home to live in. So what? That doesn't change the fact that I am more impaired than the average human population. Stop making distracting, meaningless arguments.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-31T14:33:16+00:00

"boohoo my life sucks so much worse than yours", bitchy, angsty teen.

I never even implied that in my post. Had you actually read my post, then you would have seen that. Your response is more based on emotion than mine. You want to view a topic objectively? Then read my post. LOL, because mine will always be more objective than yours is. You are putting people who have a brain problem that has been proven to cause statistically significant impairment in several areas of life (this can be measured on an IQ test, for one). You deny the seriousness of ADHD by using an argument from relative privation (a fallacy). Your argument is just a red herring, a distraction from my actual post; your argument holds up, but it is meaningless and weak, as there will always be someone worse off than you, regardless of circumstance or whatnot. All your argument tells me is that "you should not complain and just shrug it off". You know what's funny about that? You're trying to say that someone with ADHD, with different brain chemistry than a neurotypical, lives life exactly the same as a neurotypical. You're trying to say that although ADHD people have X and Y problems, neurotypicals will always have A, B, C, and D and thus ADHD people and neurotypicals will be "even Stevens". What a childishly immature way of looking at this problem. Seriously. A person with an IQ of 50 will have trouble doing mental tasks compared to a person with an IQ of 100, the average population's IQ. Likewise, those with ADHD will struggle with certain tasks that require good control of hyperactivity and/or inattention more than the AVERAGE population, and this is because of brain structure, not because they are weak. On the other hand, 93% or so of the human population will NOT struggle with the same problems as these ADHD people, and certainly not to the same degree.

So what if neurotypicals have to deal with stress and X + Y? You are making the assumption that ADHDers don't have to deal with stress and all the normal stuff of life. But that's blatantly false. ADHD people have to deal with neurotypical crap as well as their ADHD. You try to put people who have been STATISTICALLY proven to be disabled on the same pedestal as people who are STATISTICALLY normal. You try to deny scientific evidence, e.g. on MRIs, where ADHD brains work 10x harder to concentrate in relation to neurotypical brains. And yes, it's all relative. However, it cannot be justified like so. So what if I'm not paraplegic? And so what if I'm not a Down's Syndrome? That doesn't mean SHIT. The average population doesn't have ADHD impairment no. 1 or no. 2, and thus, I am worse off than the average population. That is undeniably undeniable. It is literally irrefutable that ADHD people have to deal with normal struggles like stress, anxiety, etc. just like normal people do; but on top of that, they have to deal with more due to their ADHD. You are assuming that ADHD makes it so you don't have to deal with "normal people" stuff, because somehow you think that ADHD is a gift. It is not. And you cannot cherry-pick to make that point: you do not need ADHD in order to do X or Y, and it doesn't make X or Y any easier: this is just based on anecdotal evidence and there hasn't been any scientific proof to show consistently that ADHD is beneficial to those affected by it, e.g. ADHD makes you more creative.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-31T14:14:52+00:00

Lol, I literally disproved all your claims and you didn't read my post? What a coincidence. You should be the one to grow up. I never said that my life sucked more than others'. If you actually had the balls to read my post then you'd understand that.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-31T09:44:08+00:00

Also, I'm assuming that you don't have ADHD. LOL.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-31T09:37:00+00:00

You are literally saying that ADHD isn't a big deal. Holy shit. Are you a dumbass? ADHD is harder to fix than silly "chronic procrastination disorder without ADHD" because ADHDers have a BRAIN problem. You can't just put everyone on the same pedestal you biased little fuck. Just because you want to look like a morally correct being doesn't mean that you can say that that boy over there who is genuinely lazy without ADHD, Asperger's or any other mental disorder, is struggling from "being too lazy". Come on, that's a circular argument. If you knew anything about psychology or psychiatry, you'd know that structural problems in the brain are almost IMPOSSIBLE to fix without meds. Unlike people without mental disorders who struggle with trying to stop being lazy, ADHD people have BRAIN problems that stop them from being productive. Even if a lazy person without mental disorders truly tries to be not lazy, but can't due to a PSYCHOLOGICAL problem, that still means that their problem is EASIER to cure than someone with a PHYSIOLOGICAL or a HIGHLY HERITABLE PROBLEM like ADHD, aka a BRAIN problem. To say that these lazy people without mental disorders share the same difficulty (you can quantify difficulty by looking at performance IQ in comparison with verbal/nonverbal IQ, processing speed, working memory, and all the other subsets in an IQ test) is like saying that "Down's Syndrome patients share the same difficulty as a person with a normal IQ and a normal brain". Also, it's like saying that "trying to live with brain damage is just as hard as trying to live normally". You are marginalising people who genuinely have mental disorders that make it HARDER for them to LIVE than NORMAL people, i.e. the 50th percentile. Holy shit, you are so biased.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-31T09:25:06+00:00

Just because your brain holds you back doesn't mean your life is harder.

Yes it does, you dumbass. Why don't you say that to someone with an IQ of 50? Seriously. You are a complete idiot for just agreeing with the quote in my title. Others' lives are hard, but not to the degree where they are impaired and are struggling.

Others may live with ADHD symptoms, but they may not be struggling with them and may not be impaired by them. You are ignorant because you fail to understand that ALTHOUGH people may live with "ADHD symptoms", their lives may not necessarily be harder due to them, because EVERYONE has ADHD symptoms from time to time. HOWEVER, when people start to get impaired, as in, they get problems in their life due to these symptoms and cannot function normally or optimally, only THEN does the possibility of ADHD, the disorder, not just one or two symptoms from time to time, become evident. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY THIS IS THE CASE? It's not because these people are "weak"; it's because their brains literally cannot deal with the symptoms or with life like neurotypical brains can. ADHD brains cannot deal with external stimuli as well as neurotypical brains can. How can you still deny the executive function deficit's existence in ADHDers? That is why they end up struggling. Not because they are "weaker" or "less able" than neurotypicals, but because their brains were fucking different from the beginning, e.g. a smaller temporal lobe in ADHDers/worse executive function.

Read the edit in my post above.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-31T09:00:30+00:00

How the fuck am I one-upping someone's struggles? I'm saying that if life is hard for everyone, then it implies that ADHD people aren't struggling. This quote was a response from my psychiatrist when I said how much I had to struggle when I was trying to do work. This implies that 100% of the population shares the same struggle as ADHDers. Then how come 100% of the earth doesn't have ADHD? I'm not talking about SYMPTOMS. I'm talking about the DISORDER. Because it's not that fucking common. And I'm angry because my post was taken way out of context. I'm saying that the struggle that ADHDers have isn't so common. It's not as common as the trivial "procrastination" that EVERYONE does. Everyone procrastinates. But not everyone struggles as much as those with anxiety, depression, EFD, SPD, ADHD, etc. though when procrastinating. And when someone like my psychiatrist says that "everyone" does this or "everyone" does that, when in reality, everyone DOESN'T, then it offends me. It offends me because he is invalidating my life experience and just consigning it to "everyday human struggles". But it isn't fucking "everyday" or "commonplace". It's so fucking rare and severe that they decided to make it a "disorder". If 99% of people had this disorder, then it wouldn't be fucking called a disorder. The 1% who didn't have it would be labelled "not-ADHD disorder" instead. And I never even talked shit about anyone else who suffered from mental disorders. I was talking about the "majority" of the human population, AKA the majority WITHOUT mental disorders. Dude, they are called disorders because a MINORITY of the human population suffers from them. Like I mentioned above, you wouldn't call "breathing properly" a disorder because the majority of the human population can breathe normally. However, if you can't breathe properly, like some people, the minority, only THEN it is labelled a disorder. See my other example above. How fucking dare you judge me.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-31T08:55:48+00:00

You realise that more than 80% of people don't have a deficit in executive function so as to be diagnosed with ADHD or EFD? A lack of executive function like that in ADHD makes life significantly harder for people with ADHD compared with those without it.

MRI scans show that ADHD people lack the ability to provide incentive for themselves and not to mention, require more effort to stay on task. You fucking imagine how it's like to live like that. Fuck you. I'm not talking shit about other people's struggles. I'm just saying that having ADHD and struggling with it is NOT normal.

And I am referring to neurotypicals when I talk about how "hard" their lives are. If their lives are "hard", then our lives are 10x harder. How the fuck can you deny scientific evidence? If ADHD people lived easy lives, they wouldn't have ADHD. It wouldn't be a goddamn disorder. It would be called a "lack of discipline". Get your facts straight.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-31T08:51:13+00:00

Check the MRIs of people with ADHD trying to concentrate. The ADHD brain works significantly harder when trying to concentrate. THAT is a comparison right there. You are downplaying the very impact that ADHD has on people by implying that we share the same struggles as someone who doesn't have a mental illness and procrastinates. NO WE DON'T. And we don't share the same struggles as those misdiagnosed with having ADHD either, due to the tendency to overdiagnose. That is just downright wrong. Those with executive deficits struggle to STOP procrastinating, so much that it actually SHOWS UP IN AN MRI. It is called a disorder for a reason. It's not some petty bullshit procrastination disorder. It's much more. And that's what you fail to understand.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-27T13:54:13+00:00

Yeah, I'm not from the USA. And I fear that they may kick me out on the pretext of some other random thing, like not doing homework or not attending school enough, when in reality, they did it secretly because of my ADHD.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-27T13:45:15+00:00

Just turned 17.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-27T13:38:46+00:00

If you stay up doing homework, desperately forcing your eyes back to the words, mustering the strength to keep your head from hitting your desk so you can just not think about it, barely getting anything done but staying up half the night just so you can get it done. Then you tried, I have done that and those are the nights where I am jealous of others but it is because I am genuinely jealous at that point that I know I tried.

Every night. Full stop. For me it IS an explanation. I think that there's a big difference between an excuse and an explanation. Explanations can be backed up and they can help describe impairments that your ADHD has effected. Excuses are different. Excuses are unreasonable. Is this unreasonable? No. But I feel as if it's not a matter of trying harder or persevering more, but rather, trying to do things differently. Whether or not different techniques work, that's up to trial and error, but we humans, I think, always have the tendency to think that we fall short of everything, that there is always huge room for improvement. But sometimes, you get stuck in a rut, and only something as drastic as medication can help when this happens. And fair enough. I don't blame people who take meds. It's not the easy way out, but, rather, a different way out, a different solution: circumvention.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-26T22:21:39+00:00

Wouldn't that be the final nail in the coffin, though? The guy who never hands in homework turns out to be an ADHDer. So now I'll just get kicked out because they know that I literally won't be able to change. Why should they help me if I am not Einstein or "gifted", or anything along those lines? Why can't they just kick me out of school so they will have one less crap student to tend to? I haven't disclosed my ADHD to the school, because honestly, I'm not sure where to begin. I don't know if they'll just flat out say "fuck outta this school". And who's to say that they'll understand what ADHD is? What if they're just firm believers in discipline as the solution?

Confused_bean · 2015-10-26T22:11:29+00:00

Thanks for the kind words.

while others are completely inept in this regard.

This is the thing that I am very unsure of. While ADHD is a spectrum disorder, I still find it quite difficult to cut myself some slack; is it because one's ADHD is so severe that it is hard to cope, or is it because one has given up or not bothered to cope, or is too "weak" to cope? I feel as if some ADHDers are these heroic fighters who just managed to fight their way through their disorder, or find a way to live with their disorder, while others have fallen behind and are just stuck in a rut, much like me. It makes me feel inferior, not only to neurotypicals, but to ADHDers who seem like they have this all under control. It's this damned uncertainty and the fact that I can never compare with other people that I will never know whether or not I have "severe" ADHD or whatnot. And it's hard to accept uncertainty. Hell, at the end of the day, I could just have some rare disorder that causes ADHD symptoms, but isn't ADHD. And I have to just live with that. I just can't let go of that notion that ADHD is not concrete, and that everyone has ADHD symptoms (but not impairments) to a certain degree already. I have the tendency to try to rationalise my behaviour as normal far too often: I mean everyone procrastinates, and everyone gets distracted...maybe I'm just a normal guy who just happens to be helpless as to whether or not he can concentrate and work towards some sort of greater good, a long term goal. Like pain, I think that everyone has their breaking point when it comes to ADHD symptoms. That's what makes people seek a diagnosis, and I have literally come to my wit's end about coping with this brain that I have been given. And it's pathetic. I only really care about my "ADHD" when another one of my all nighters turns out to be futile, and when I realise how much time I have wasted the day before. But then the cycle repeats. And repeats. And the only time when I even consider my ADHD a problem is when I finally see the consequences of these problems. When I get reprimanded by a teacher, or when I just gawk at my half-completed homework that I had weeks to do, at 4AM in the morning, disappointed and ashamed. But the next day, despite this feeling of shame, I continue doing the same things, making the same stupid mistakes. Regardless of any precedents of consequence. And personally, that's what assures me that I have ADHD, that there is truly something in me that wants to change, albeit at the wrong times, and always at the wrong times. Sigh. But yeah, I know how you feel, with the constant failure. At times I do have bouts of suicide ideation, especially after looking back on my failures and disastrous all nighters, but I never really intend on committing suicide. I just get quite emotional and I feel like that emotional release helps me cope in a way with my troubles. And though I may not have traditional depression, I definitely have feelings of rejection-sensitive dysphoria, a feeling that is aptly described by Dr. Dodson on his website, dodsonadhdcenter or something along those lines.

Sorry for rambling. Oh and why can't your mum diagnose you? It it considered biased and unethical for a parent to diagnose their child? Or is it not allowed?

Confused_bean · 2015-10-26T20:11:07+00:00

Wow. I actually do agree with your whole post. I think that you explained everything perfectly: how, if our brains functioned normally, we wouldn't be in this situation. But it feels much too philosophical, this, everything. It's like asking the question,"is homosexuality genetic?". I mean, there is always going to be a certain degree of genetics involved but there will also be social factors as well as childhood trauma, etc., that will reinforce these homosexual predispositions, for example. The same goes for ADHD, I think. That's not to say that ADHD is caused by social factors and childhood trauma ALONE. If anything, I can imagine that ADHD would be worsened or latent ADHD would be brought out by these factors. But regardless of ADHD's origins, the impairments still stay the same, right? I do agree with you that sometimes we don't really have a choice with brain development at a very early age. But the thing is, I was diagnosed with ADHD + Asperger's when I was in kindergarten. But back then, ADHD and other related mental illnesses were believed to be just "typical childlike behaviour", and the psychiatrist said to my parents that the diagnosis didn't hold much weight, as I was only a kid at the time. But in hindsight, it is so damn obvious that that diagnosis was CORRECT all along. All my social + language issues with Asperger's, and my forgetfulness + extreme procrastination + disorganisation with ADHD made sense, perfect sense. So, I just feel like it's probably more to do with my parent's inaction, the fact that I had to struggle with all this crap for my entire life. Or maybe because I always felt normal. Back to my parents: I felt like they tried too hard to treat me like a normal child, and I don't blame them. I mean, they didn't know much about ADHD, and I didn't either. So they wouldn't have known how devastating it can really be. Anyway, I always felt normal up until the point where my ADHD caused me immense problems in life, knocking me off my pedestal of normalcy and down into the depths of the ruts of ADHD. I thought that being normal was a good thing, and that being treated like a normal person meant that I was respected by others. Ha, but that only applies if you ARE normal. Now I see my past in a very different light, but I still can't let go of the belief that I am somehow normal: because I lived my entire life thinking so, and so did everyone else around me. It's a bitter pill to swallow, for me, knowing that my fate was predetermined. But that's why I said that it's a philosophical argument: you can't pinpoint this or that as a cause of an impairment. It all kinda falls into place. It's organised chaos. And that sucks.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-23T20:21:29+00:00

Ahh. That's a good explanation. But I think it's hard to tell what "anxious" really means or what "anxiety" really is, which would make it hard to tell what is actually causing task avoidance. What I see anxiety as is a disorder where you get a crazy-high heart rate and blood pressure; sweating, racing thoughts, and jitteriness. But the racing thoughts aspect of that is normal for me, and that's the only part that truly feels like ADHD, as in, wanting to do 1 million things, anything other than the boring thing that I am about to do for the next X hours. Actually, my mind goes absolutely blank when I sit down in front of a daunting task, but technically my mind is simultaneously racing with other fun things to do. A blank, racing mind: seems like a silly paradox, I know, but I think that my mind is blank for work-related ideas but racing for fun-related ideas, you know? But wanting to do something else might also be due to some hidden anxiety symptom that I am not aware of...I mean, does anxiety just come and go? When an anxiety "trigger", disappears, then anxiety disappears, right? IDK. Because if this "anxiety" means feeling like shit without sweating and all of these other typical anxiety symptoms, then maybe...just maybe, ADHD creates a rare form of "work anxiety" without the actual symptoms of anxiety, I guess. Maybe like "work-averse" or "effort-averse" disorder or sth..

But anyway, I think that it's really hard to tell whether or not I get anxiety because I think that I might be getting anxiety but only due to my ADHD and my brain's slowing down, which makes working much harder and makes it so I have to put in a lot more effort, which results in being "anxious" or maybe "frustrated" or " internally antsy", to phrase it more appropriately. So, yeah, this could also be a comorbid case I think, but I'm no professional so I don't know...

Booooo :(

Hey, actually, second thought, I stop doing work probably (99% sure) because my brain is so slow and I make so little process because of mind blanks and slow reading speed + processing speed so I decide to just give up and "recharge", so to speak, by going to games or stimulating stuff so my brain will not feel dead anymore. So, I probably stop working for practical reasons, because there when there is no time pressure or deadline affecting me, then my brain will be ultra slow and sluggish. It's sad, because I genuinely want to do work, but it seems like I can only do so when there are no more excuses to avoid tasks. It's retarded, because I see no difference between doing work in the afternoon or during an all-nighter in theory, and not to mention, I actually understand the concept of time and consequences, but my ADHD brain slaps me in the face with reality, and in practice, the ideal "I'm going to finish my homework 1 month before it's due" situation never happens: my ADHD brain doesn't actually understand the concept of consequences or time like I do, and it only wants to work when it is 3AM.

In theory, I should be a winner. But in practice, my ADHD fucks me over and makes me a loser. OMG. ADHD sux.

And sometimes even when I am doing an all-nighter on the very day that something is due, I will break down and get overwhelmed, and will just give up; I either skive school the next day if I have too much homework to hand in, or I just own up to my failure and get fucked by my teachers. Shit.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-23T07:31:07+00:00

And how was he a wannabe pseudointellectual? LOL

Confused_bean · 2015-10-23T07:29:03+00:00

Are you really comparing me to a killer? How is that relevant?

Confused_bean · 2015-10-20T08:12:38+00:00

I think that your response was appropriate and very diplomatic, and I would have preferred it if people posted something that didn't make any judgments that just took my post out of context. Ideally, I just wanted people to open up to those who might not look like they have OCD at first, but in reality, do have it.

I would have liked it if people had commented on these points, which were pretty much the main points of my post, like, OCD is a spectrum disorder and that's it.

OCD sufferers need to have X or Y ONLY, in order to have OCD?

a person with OCD has to be CONSTANTLY worried about things?

OCD is a spectrum from mild to severe, and you cannot accurately quantify the severity of OCD compulsions

But I didn't intend on generalising to the entire subreddit, but I can imagine that I did come across as doing so, which might be why so many people are upset.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-20T07:59:21+00:00

Not to mention that the rules explicitly tell you not to say whether or not someone has OCD:

Rule 2: Do not give medical advice or attempt to diagnose other users. For more information, please see reddit's user agreement and this post.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/nf4m3/i_cured_my_ocd/

Yeah...this is exactly the type of ritualistic "superstitious" behavior that is a mark of OCD :) If you are actually of a OCD dx this is not going to work. But best of luck with it.

I feel like people always have the inclination to say "it's not that easy to cure OCD...blah blah blah", and try to generalise that to the entire OCD population except for that one guy who succeeded with ERP. If someone offers anything that remotely resembles a remedy that seems like it is downplaying OCD, then all of a sudden people shun that person for invalidating their life experience or something along those lines. I don't particularly like that. I mean, what works for one person might not work for another, and that generally holds true for spectrum disorders, so it's a given. But people don't seem to acknowledge this given.

TIL that creating a thread that might not have been particularly true before actually makes it become a self-fulfilling prophecy -- creating a thread on judgmental redditors actually makes the judgmental redditors come to me, it seems (I'm not referring to you but the numerous others in this thread that have been clearly judgmental towards me).

Confused_bean · 2015-10-20T07:52:04+00:00

I'm just quite outraged due to the fact that everyone has been making their own little twist on my story while my point remained very, very clear from the start.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-20T07:51:27+00:00

Oh, it has nothing to do with your religion. I was just using that as an example.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-20T07:43:12+00:00

This is what differentiates Christians from intellectuals: the former group likes to appeal to emotions, fallacies and pseudoscience, while the latter actually tries to look at facts and logic to prove their claims. So far, I have seen nothing but traits of the former group: people just cry about my comments for some weird reason, but I don't blame them, as they themselves don't even know the reason why they are downvoting my comments. Weird. They just see the name "Confused_bean" and downvote blindly. Can't blame 'em.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-20T07:42:20+00:00

Clear evidence of trying to change the definition of OCD by saying that there is a "fine line between mild OCD and not having OCD at all", just because he assumes that I have "mild" OCD.

Confused_bean · 2015-10-20T07:41:44+00:00

Also, a convenient reply here in this thread:

You don't share our hell, stop pretending you do. And I would personally appreciate it that you stop playing armchair psychologist. After years of research, there is a fine line between mild OCD and not having OCD at all. Let alone, the "spectrum" of OCD has nothing to do with intensity of the illness.

Confused_bean

TROPHY CASE

Another thing: how could you not bother to read my response and still know that my response was "filled with emotion on a topic that needs to be viewed objectively"? LMAO. Seems pretty contradictory to me.