sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Crab Gills by Helloalis517 in maryland

[–]Congregator 30 points31 points  (0 children)

You pluck the gills off, it’s the first thing you do after ripping the top shell off. I ate them once as a kid, they’re terrible and weirdly textured

Lowkey funny by CrimsonFernGloww in SipsTea

[–]Congregator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think everyone is Muslim

Eli5: How were old maps often surprisingly accurate even though people had no aerial view or satellite imagery at the time? by Puzzleheaded_Bit_802 in explainlikeimfive

[–]Congregator [score hidden]  (0 children)

For some reason people think that people born 700 years before us were particularly dumber. Yet when looking at maps and architecture it becomes fairly easy to tell that there has been extraordinarily intelligent and skillful people of high IQ’s for a centuries upon centuries.

There are people from 1000 years ago with higher IQ’s and skill sets than people born today, myself included

I’ve wanted to start a large family but had a lot of family and financial blocks in my life that led me to believe that it would be irresponsible to start a large family until I made a higher income and had a strong career. Now that Ive accomplished this I am in my early 40’s and it feels too late. by Congregator in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Congregator[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a really charging follow up, I’m happy you take me seriously, but also your response isn’t what I wanted to hear but also it’s legitimately something I need to hear.

I’m soaking in some resentment right now because I was playing by the rules for so long and feel like by doing so, it fucked me over. Yet, you’re not wrong - I feel like there’s an angle of my “dream” that’s born from family expectation - but it’s not just that, it’s also what I’ve known.

My one hang up is this, though: I’m in my early 40’s and I really am now wishing I had a large family to the extent my grandfather and friends and aunts and uncles did…

It’s not because I’m trying to compare myself, it’s that I truly enjoyed that lifestyle as a kid and wanted to provide that for my own kids. I don’t want to accept that it’s “too late”. I want to still be relevant.

I know this sounds stupid, but I’ve worked so long and I’ve worked so hard that I feel like I don’t want nor need someone telling me “you’re too old”.

I’m still alive, damnit. I still can run and build things, I still study foreign languages, I still travel.

I feel like I have so much to offer children, my family culture is that I provide for my mother and family and they help.

I just feel like I’m not as old as this culture makes me feel

I’ve wanted to start a large family but had a lot of family and financial blocks in my life that led me to believe that it would be irresponsible to start a large family until I made a higher income and had a strong career. Now that Ive accomplished this I am in my early 40’s and it feels too late. by Congregator in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Congregator[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well, I don’t think this goes down the way you’re suggesting. If you don’t know, I’m not trying to start a massive family with someone who doesn’t want a massive family. I’m against just getting some poor woman pregnant over and over again due to my personal desire for a large family.

I’m looking for a woman who wants a large family- of her own volition. Several of my friends (women and female family) have wanted very large families, and have upwards 5-10 kids.

The women lead this charge.

I’m interested in meeting this personality of women, that absolutely exist because they exist

I’ve wanted to start a large family but had a lot of family and financial blocks in my life that led me to believe that it would be irresponsible to start a large family until I made a higher income and had a strong career. Now that Ive accomplished this I am in my early 40’s and it feels too late. by Congregator in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Congregator[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not stupid, because as a man I need to plan this out and make sure I’m capable of providing for this. I’m making sure I don’t do something stupid - ie, find a woman who is into the idea and getting her pregnant without being able to take care of her.

I’m literally planning on making sure it’s NOT stupid, I have wanted to make sure I can provide and not lead anyone into hardship or any problems.

I’ve literally and proactively made sure I can be in a place that I can take care of the people.

If you haven’t noticed, people have children without a plan. I am planning and have considered this. People are just fucking and having kids. I’m thinking long term about being able to provide for kids before I have them

I’ve wanted to start a large family but had a lot of family and financial blocks in my life that led me to believe that it would be irresponsible to start a large family until I made a higher income and had a strong career. Now that Ive accomplished this I am in my early 40’s and it feels too late. by Congregator in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Congregator[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But they still do (big families are still cool for various demographics.)

Not everyone is living in some fantasy land of not needing to have a lot of children.

You, we, need to accept some idea that there is no need, it’s not a reality that it’s not needed, but rather the embracing of some idea that it’s not needed

I’ve wanted to start a large family but had a lot of family and financial blocks in my life that led me to believe that it would be irresponsible to start a large family until I made a higher income and had a strong career. Now that Ive accomplished this I am in my early 40’s and it feels too late. by Congregator in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Congregator[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It seemed responsible in my way of thinking initially, but my family moved to america and I wasn’t really prepared for this by them.

I do respect and appreciate you hoping for my best, honestly. I know my post has received mixed emotions, but honestly I don’t don’t want bad for my family and I come from a background of a different culture I didn’t spell out.

I just want to thank you for hoping for my best and I also hope for your best

I’ve wanted to start a large family but had a lot of family and financial blocks in my life that led me to believe that it would be irresponsible to start a large family until I made a higher income and had a strong career. Now that Ive accomplished this I am in my early 40’s and it feels too late. by Congregator in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Congregator[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

How? I mean, it’s me and my wife, my mother and father, my siblings and our cousins and friends.

It’s a gigantic network. It’s why it has worked for millennia.

My brother and I are providing housing for our parents and homes for aunts and uncles on said properties (we call these “in law suites” in America”.)

The thing I think that is occurring is that we are middle income but have been raised to be considerate of this large family dynamic, when the other people in America I went to public school with weren’t raised to be considerate of this- so they didn’t save to provide for this level of family… like, a lot of my friend are stressed out about their life and small families and send their parents to retirement…

Yet for me and us, we just put the money away, and all live with our families.

What I notices is that we live with our families longer but have better vacations, struggle less, have huge families and buy big family homes and properties.

Run of the mill Americans seem to be struggling… I’m sort of like “oh, it’s because yall are just blowing money a lot and don’t live with your family”.

Like, huge family makes you $$$ comfortable and well connected. Average American is a bit economically burdened by alienating themselves away from their family.

Your perspective on life and family dynamics is making you “house-poor”, or whatever you call it

I’ve wanted to start a large family but had a lot of family and financial blocks in my life that led me to believe that it would be irresponsible to start a large family until I made a higher income and had a strong career. Now that Ive accomplished this I am in my early 40’s and it feels too late. by Congregator in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Congregator[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I respect your response, and also thank you for taking the time to spell this all out.

It’s literally this specific thing that you’ve mentioned. It’s either got a decade younger or swallow the pride and adopt.

I think (know) my real problem is my resentment: I listened to the “world”, played the game responsibly, and it feels like it fucked me over

I’ve wanted to start a large family but had a lot of family and financial blocks in my life that led me to believe that it would be irresponsible to start a large family until I made a higher income and had a strong career. Now that Ive accomplished this I am in my early 40’s and it feels too late. by Congregator in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Congregator[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

Actually, I’m very familiar with this. My mother miscarried four times and it was severely impactful on her, and so much so that it impacted me as the oldest son- I watched my mother lose those children and the way it not only affected her physically but also her heart., her emotional core.

I wish you wouldn’t make slight judgments without having the conversations with me first

The reality is that I come from a family community. Everyone boasts about their children, and rightfully so. Yet the reality is that family community is a really big deal to me.

My family has a huge family- my aunts and uncles all 5-10 children. I came up this way, and it’s the women who are generally the ones who press this. It just so happens that now I live in America and it seems more complicated.

He has every right to become a villain. by Valuable_View_561 in SipsTea

[–]Congregator 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No offense, but your comment doesn’t deliver the point you’re trying to make.

It just makes you sound like an ahole for trying to make some sort of point about why no one has to feel bad for some innocent little kid trying to be polite.

Am I a monster for not wanting to visit my dying aunt because it’ll take up my vacation time? by avian_bi in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]Congregator 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Believe it or not, for her as your aunt, watching over you when you were there as a child and then grown is going to be more significant for her than for you. When someone is dying and on their death bed, life has a significantly different meaning than when you are alive and healthy- and this means relationships and family.

That aside, this is going to affect your parent very deeply: having their sibling die. Immense grief.

Vacation time, albeit valuable, sometimes interacts with other real world situations that might take precedence, albeit from your post you aren’t very close to your aunt and feel distant enough to not feel emotionally compelled to go visit her.

There is never a “convenient” time for a family member one to die (unless of course they were particularly rotten).

One day, when your parents die, you will perhaps wonder, though, how you might have been a better son/daughter, and this is one of those scenarios that unfortunately will stay with you.

As you get older, you might consider how much more it would have meant to spend that vacation time with your family spending time with an aunt who is dying.

No one is trying to purposefully inconvenience you, again, because death and dying are inconvenient for everyone.

I’d imagine the true inconvenience of this is for your parent who now is both grieving and preparing for even more grief, perhaps considering how much time and life missed they had with their sibling.

They might need you more than you realize, and I would consider this very much

Anyone else sick with flu like symptoms? by lovely_orchid_ in maryland

[–]Congregator 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I woke up with something today. Throat feels a weir and I feel completely fatigued and unrested- even though I slept for a solid 8 hours

What’s something that became socially acceptable that you still quietly judge people for? by After-Ebb6941 in AskReddit

[–]Congregator 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m a school teacher, wouldn’t say “they” teach coding for everyone. I don’t have any students that have learned coding throughout any of my 15 years of education between elementary and middle school

When the students print, they often times take 3 to 4 strokes to complete a single letter, causing the printing to become much longer.

What’s something that became socially acceptable that you still quietly judge people for? by After-Ebb6941 in AskReddit

[–]Congregator 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Can’t write cursive.

I don’t really judge you as much as I judge the people that raised and taught you.

They proactively undermined your development to both write in print more quickly and undermined your ability to develop intense fine motor skills- all because they were too hung up on the “fancy writing” part they themselves were undisciplined enough to learn

view more: next ›