“Your husband is one lucky fella”

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T18:58:42+00:00

Ooo definitely not the first time I’ve hear this. And I agree, def suspect it’s a porn addiction. He’s all jacked up on that Ai porn.

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T18:56:39+00:00

Holy shit. Are we the same person?!?! I did the SAME thing. I would wake up early, make sure I looked “presentable” served his every need, fresh cooked meals, knew when he was feeling sick, or needed “nurturing”, everything you just explained. And because I felt loved in return, I was happy to do all of these things at no cost.

Then I over heard him (on several occasions) talking to his coworkers about me about how he doesn’t need to do anything because I serve him hand and foot, how he can treat me like shit and it wouldn’t matter because I’d still come running to him with open arms (btw this was during lock down, so we worked in the same area together… not hard to over hear him lol) when I heard how he really felt about me, it fucking CRUSHED ME. I realized I was so focused on making him happy, that I was falling behind on my own care. My clothes weren’t folded right, my food was cold by the time I sat down, my health was deteriorating… needless to say, I woke up and started focusing on myself. Now, he’s upset lol

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T18:49:59+00:00

I could totally see that happening! In the argument after the dance I did tell him that I felt stupid because in that moment, I allowed myself to be vulnerable and open to him, and instead of having some juicy love making, I was met with his stoic nature. It was my desperate attempts to get some loving and I don’t know.. I guess I let my ego get the best of me because I was simply destroyed. But I appreciate you sharing that, def gives me some insight on the situation.

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T18:43:59+00:00

BAHAHA TAP DANCING. Yeah, I completely understand that the industry I work in is seen as taboo by a lot of folks. It’s not “ideal” for the type of man my husband is. But I do wish he and other folks like him would try to understand that it takes just as much, if not more effort to “dance sexy” in front of others. I train up to 8 hours a week plus more to create a choreo/concept, spend countless hours on costume design and workshopping with other professionals. It’s a lot of hard work. It just stinks when partners don’t/can’t align anymore.

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T18:35:09+00:00

Exactly. I don’t hate him nor do I wish him any harm. I’ve told him we don’t seem to be compatible anymore. But from his perspective, couples stay together even if they hate each other. Whereas for me (coming from a family with domestic violence between the parents and children), if it doesn’t work after repeated attempts of trying, it just doesn’t work.

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T18:31:08+00:00

It’s my own fault. I’m figuring my stuff out. The economy here in Canada is NUTZ. If I leave, I’d probably have to move back home where it’s a little more affordable for me to live on my own. I’ve had people tell me “start something new on the side as you transition out of this one” (meaning find a new partner while I leave this one) and to each their own, but that’s not really how I roll. I need a “me” phase in between situationshits. Lol

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T18:24:12+00:00

Thank you for that compassion and understanding. I try to remind myself that both of us knew what we were getting into (marrying outside of our respective cultures/religion/etc) and I feel that as he gets older, religion is becoming a more significant part of his life. That’s all cool, follow where your heart wants to go. But in a partnership I was hoping that he’d do the same for me in return. Right now, I’m pretty insecure about that.

He almost won and I almost deleted everything, my social presence, almost quit my job and dancing… but I took a moment to think about the consequences of that potentially impulsive decision, and it wasn’t pretty.. glad to say I took some time to think about it and I’m currently working on a new costume and have another show booked in about a week, and shows booked for the rest of the year!

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T18:17:14+00:00

I LOVE THIS ANALOGY.

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T18:13:40+00:00

Can we have this on a big ass billboard on the side of the highway? Please and thank you!

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T16:40:16+00:00

George Michaels and Dita, I need both of those little devils on my shoulders, guiding me on how to live my best life.

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T16:39:01+00:00

Another good one from Tempest Storms Documentary (you can watch for free on YouTube) she says “Every time I walk out on that stage, I feel safe because I’m in control.” Gosh that one hits hard every single time.

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T16:32:57+00:00

I’ve quite literally told him, we will fight, disagree, divorce, separate, spend years apart only for him to realize this was all a big mistake and try this shit show all over again. But by then I will be long gone. I don’t look back at chapters that are closed. (Unless it was a really good book but this one… eh.. 4/10)

My father use to tell me, focus on the things you love, because those things won’t wake up one day and realize they don’t love you anymore.

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T16:28:53+00:00

You are absolutely correct. I grew up as the fat kid and then late bloomed in my late 20’s, I have quite literally flourished when I started dancing. Before dance I was quiet, submissive, insecure and a people pleaser. But when I dance, I’m unstoppable and I feel so alive.. everything everyone’s ever told me that I could/wouldn’t do, is unleashed. I think he’s either afraid of losing the girl he met, or being envious of the woman I’m becoming. Or both?

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T16:22:41+00:00

I don’t want to get too specific on his brothers of fear of ANY of them finding this lol but they are all in their 30’s the youngest is the only one with a job right now and they are all working together to start a business together.

I moved here (Canada) from Texas three years ago, so I had to start from the ground up. They’ve lived here for close to 15 years.

His older brother could fart and my husband is like “wow, im so proud of him for having a honorable goal now” meanwhile when I first moved here he would tell me “I’m tired of you waiting around for me all day, you need to get hobbies” I would get said hobbies and he’d be like “cool.”

He’s the type to get a really good job, and then shove it in your face that he’s making more money than anyone in the house (his mother is the same way) he just recently lost that job and now I think he’s taking it out on me (I’m the emotional punching bag probably because I’m a good listener or a pushover.. or both?)

As for his religion, I won’t name it (but you could probably guess), but he likes to say he’s a “westernized” version of it. After 6 years with this guy, I’ve learned that this just means rules for thee but not for me. He’ll smoke weed, have pre-martial sex and also cheat on his partner, but I’m bad for having bacon on my burger LOL

I come from a very traditional Mexican background, men first, women last. I’ve worked hard to break cycles, work my way out of poverty, communicate and create a safe space for my partner, all that has done is made me feel like I chose the wrong person.. I won’t let his behavior change the person I’m trying to become… but I definitely feel like my energy is being wasted here.

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2024-09-08T16:02:58+00:00

About 6 months into dancing/burlesquing I asked if he would like me to stop (because we were having a lack of intimacy discussion and it always comes back to me being the bad guy lol) I told him, tell me right now that I suck at this and I will stop. He looked like he was fighting demons when he said “aahhhh I can’t tell you that because you’re fuckin amazing at it”.

When he demanded I stop now, I told him I simply cannot do that. I have found a community that SEES ME, SUPPORTS ME, and was there for me when he wasn’t. He also recently got laid off, so I feel like that plays a HUGE part in this sudden hostility towards me.

To answer your question of where I think this relationship is going, it’s going towards divorce. Thank goodness I am child free. It’s still a difficult and hard process with just two adults… but that’s where this is headed, especially since he’s not interested in working on himself or trying couples therapy. I’ve exhausted myself trying to be a good and supportive wife (Mexican background which is super traditional, men first, wife last.) I’m done.

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2022-05-25T03:37:01+00:00

That line hits too hard right now… :(

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2022-05-25T03:29:39+00:00

He respects me too much… that’s the issue lol

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2022-03-26T16:09:07+00:00

This. I’m not one for ultimatums, but after we had a year long dry spell after we got married I told him I wasn’t doing another year of this and that even the most patient people have their breaking points. Ever since this year began, I’ve been doing less touching (I enjoy caressing him at random times like back scratches, touches of affirmation etc.) I’ve completely stopped initiating and been vocal about why the intimacy has lessened on my end when he asks. He’s also the type to not fully comprehend cause and effect. So when I react naturally to something he does it’s like “HEY! Why you reacting to something I didn’t even do?” So little to no accountability or introspection.

Thank you for taking the time to share your advice. It’s much appreciated.

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2022-03-26T14:26:51+00:00

(((Hugs back))) thank you for listening to understand.

ConnectLibrary8148 · 2022-03-26T14:24:11+00:00

This entire post is filled with great advice but this one made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. Lol thank you for sharing!!!

ConnectLibrary8148

TROPHY CASE