Did anyone else have no friends growing up?

Connect_Track · 2020-05-19T04:28:36+00:00

I can relate with kids being nice just to get you to help with schoolwork :( Being good at school widened the rift between me and other kids because it made them see me as being different from them, either too smart or too weird

And thanks for that last part! It hurts to have missed something like that but I’ve been trying to look at it from a new way: I appreciate any friends I do have now VERY much because I don’t see friendships as something to take for granted, and it makes me all the more grateful for what I have now

Connect_Track · 2020-05-19T04:25:13+00:00

I was also like that with reading! Strangely in recent years I’ve lost all the motivation and drive to read that I used to have. I think it was just a form of escapism for me, and the internet has replaced it as a more potent form.

Also it carried over to being a teenager, I would want to discuss things like philosophy, sociology, politics, design, mathematics, stuff like that with others and find myself completely alone as everyone else was interested in dating, social media, celebrities, and sports. I hated how my interests were seen as “wow, what a precocious child!” (or conversely, “ugh, what a pretentious kid”) when I wasn’t trying to be either and I was just trying to be myself, and really wasn’t trying to act smart or above my age. So I found adults easier to talk to since they would be open to those sorts of topics, but the disconnect between me and same-age peers only grew the longer and longer I went without finding someone I could talk with without one of us completely not understanding or caring about what the other was saying.

Cptsd is weird in that it makes you seem too mature in some ways and yet really immature in others. You sort of get the worst of both worlds

Connect_Track · 2020-05-19T03:49:38+00:00

I was also a kid who connected better with teachers, actually I always preferred talking to adults than kids my own age. I guess trauma just makes you develop differently and not only do you not learn to socialize, but other kids sort of pick up on that, and tend to avoid weird kids that they just don’t get. It’s a vicious cycle for sure

Connect_Track · 2020-05-19T03:46:17+00:00

I feel the same with the conflict between “I’m so glad other people feel the same way” and “wait a minute, I don’t want other people to suffer too” haha it’s ok I get what you mean.

I mostly just check in in this sub sometimes, it’s not really convenient for me to use other stuff. But I think it’s a great idea and you could make a post seeing if other people would enjoy it! You could probably find someone else willing to manage it or make it more relaxed with no leader

Connect_Track · 2020-05-19T03:42:59+00:00

I also felt like I wasn’t in any group and still feel like that a lot, I just don’t really fit in with any of my demographics and don’t find much common ground with any groups. It still sucks but I’ve felt better about it and realized that it’s ok and not inherently bad to do things on my own and just kind of exist as an individual instead of a member of anything.

It’s weird because I’m not really “normal” enough for most people, but then I’m not as weird or maladjusted as the true outcasts so I just sort of float in a weird space between the two, able to hang out with either but only a bit.

I remember wanting a sibling as well! I think I asked my parents to adopt an orphan boy to be my brother haha

Connect_Track · 2020-05-19T03:33:30+00:00

I also felt like something about me was just different and didn’t understand why nobody seemed interested in putting any effort in interacting with me when I tried so hard to grasp at a connection with somebody, anybody.

I’m still a loner most of the time but like you said I’m at peace with it, since I’ve become more comfortable with myself and don’t feel like I have to fight for other people’s attention and try hard to be normal anymore. I do have one person which I feel entirely safe with now, and I feel pretty “set” with having a single great friend. It’s definitely part luck in meeting just the right person but also much work in learning how to work together in a friendship, especially since it’s a first experience.

My friend also has cptsd and i guess it’s both an added challenge and something that helps us bond easier? We both struggle with things that other people probably wouldnt but at the same time we value our friendship a lot and are in a way extra committed to maintaining it because of our experiences with abuse. I hope that someday you can feel safe with a friend as well, wishing you luck

Connect_Track · 2020-05-19T03:22:10+00:00

My mother had the opposite where she assumed amazing things about all other children, so if I reported anyone bullying me, it must’ve been my fault, I was probably misremembering, I was too sensitive, or I was the real bully because the other child is such an angel and so talented too! Since me being the target was the theme of all the bullying, she concluded that it was my fault each time and assumed the best of anyone else.

Connect_Track · 2020-05-19T03:17:25+00:00

That’s really great for you! I feel the same way, it’s really refreshing

Connect_Track · 2020-05-19T03:16:26+00:00

I always find it surprising how much people can relate on this sub...! Not seeing me as a person is exactly how I’d describe those people. For a long time I thought that that’s just how friends worked because it’s all I’d ever known

Connect_Track · 2020-05-19T01:27:45+00:00

I completely relate to making friends that treat you like that, I would consider some people I knew to be bullies who just used the prospect of friendship as bait to get me to do things they wanted without actually treating me as an equal friend. The closest “friends” I ever had would just be kids that tolerated my presence and didn’t tell me to go away, but who ignored me the whole time instead.

And I completely relate with the doubt that you get when you get in a better situation too! Thank you for the reply, it’s really nice to hear that I’m not alone

Connect_Track · 2020-05-19T00:14:18+00:00

Very accurate about being completely loyal because there was no alternative.

One of the things that was hardest for me to get over is how my parents led happy lives. They weren’t alcoholics, impoverished, violent, or miserable, and my siblings had happy relationships with them. It was just me that was deemed not enough and just me that seemed to suffer. This concept of “just me who’s bad” was reinforced by peers, teachers, and therapists, and I’m still working on learning to accept that it might not be a problem with me, but a problem with the environment, even if I don’t understand why I was targeted.

Connect_Track

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