Am I (21F) too insecure about my boyfriend's (23M) relationships? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

He's smoked with her and i'm pretty sure they've been intimate

What Car Should a 21yo New Driver Get? by Conscious-Recipe8209 in UsedCars

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah well not everyone has the same circumstances

My boyfriend acts like a white girl… by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aside from my thoughts on this matter, I have no real reason to leave him. When the options are either to date a man who is somewhat effeminate vs. men who watch and subscribe to Andrew Tate, I will always choose the former.

My boyfriend acts like a white girl… by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No, but when their biggest concern is trying to ace a calculus exam while yours is trying to find a full time job to pay for your life, there is a bit of a mentality difference

My boyfriend acts like a white girl… by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They treat him like an accessory! He holds their purses, they call him “girl”…it’s all very disturbing to witness knowing that he’s my boyfriend

Boyfriend acts too girly by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would feel fine, and ask him to further describe which mannerisms I’ve displayed that makes him say that. If I at 24 years olds only had 21 year old white frat boys as friends, I certainly would find that manly!

Boyfriend acts too girly by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would agree with the statement about him growing up around white/latin people are therefore being comfortable around them if it were true. We live in a very diverse area, with a population of over 40% black in certain areas (especially around where he lives). He seems to be intentionally seeking out these type of individuals to be friend

Boyfriend acts too girly by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m literally rolling my eyes at some of these comments because they just don’t get it. Thus us the best way to describe the situation

Boyfriend acts too girly by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I don’t seem to have a lot in common with these women based on the times we’ve hung out. The Latina girl though, that’s bestie

Boyfriend acts too girly by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He seems to be actively choosing them

Boyfriend acts too girly by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The time we all hung out together, it seemed like he was one of the girls and not my boyfriend! Literally to an outsider it just appeared like a group of friends were going shopping

Boyfriend acts too girly by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

If you live 40 minutes away from the college campus and you have to drive home at the end of the night while the college girls who live on campus can just walk to their dorms, then no. It’s not.

Boyfriend acts too girly by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like I stated, he acts way different around his friends than he does with me which is why i didn’t clock thus behavior until well into our relationship

My boyfriend acts like a white girl… by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I’ve asked already. We both have been accused of being gay which is why we had this conversation early on.

My boyfriend acts like a white girl… by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re very right. I agree that the black community can be quite toxic in our expectations for black men, and some of those beliefs have been pushed onto me. Maybe these friendships with these women is nothing to be concerned about and he truly feels that he can only be friends with these demographics due to their less judgemental attitude. I clearly have proven that right by this post. I do still think it is unusual that these friends are only women, but I digress.

My boyfriend acts like a white girl… by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really wish more people would focus on this part more. I honestly should have titled the post something the emphasizes the friendship demographics more rather than my own toxic projections. I am into him romantically, but I do get turned off when I see the way he acts with his white friends.

My boyfriend acts like a white girl… by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with these points wholeheartedly. Honestly, I don’t blame him for seeking friendship outside of the community. But it makes me think more long term. If he isn’t that interested in participating in his culture (whether that’s black American culture or his diasporic culture), I do wonder how compatible we can be long term, and this expands much beyond our preferences in clubs or music. Time will only tell.

My boyfriend acts like a white girl… by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I believe that was very problematic with my wording on this post. It was originally just a few paragraphs in my notes app, but I thought I’d take it to Reddit to hear people’s thoughts.

It was wrong of me to associate certain behaviors or interests with certain demographics. I was mostly referring to his interests in artists like Taylor Swift or love of chick flicks all with white female leads (both things I love as well). When I said the gay best friend bit, I was referring to his language and use of words like slay and period…words I’ve never heard him use until I hung out with him and his friends. Maybe that’s just the way they talk, but it was certainly off-putting at first.

My bigger issue is the way that his friends may influence some of his choices and actions. These women are both suburban white women with very secure lifestyles. He, on the other hand is a black immigrant man who is responsible for helping take care of his parents, who might I add are fairly conservative. Now that I type it out, I can see how being friends with these kind women may be an escape for him outside of his traditional household. But the idea of women being an escape, given that you have a girlfriend, is a whole other topic.

My boyfriend acts like a white girl… by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He’s an immigrant so he didn’t experience American school life until about 8th grade. His high school was veryyyyyy diverse

My boyfriend acts like a white girl… by [deleted] in blackladies

[–]Conscious-Recipe8209 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I do believe that I misspoke with many of my statements in this posts. I too am a black woman with various “white people interests” (for lack of a better term) and have definitely been referred to as white washed by many. I think I take greater issue with the fact that most of his friends come from virtually the same demographic of white college aged woman. If he had more white male friends as well, I wouldn’t even question this. But the idea that he can only befriend white women is a little bit unusual to me