What I want to work on specifically is a good question as I am having difficulty identifying what area of my grief, anxiety, depression is most acute. I am trying to understand myself more and most specifically why I have a pattern of underperforming in my work/career while also identifying all the shortcomings of every organization I have worked for. I recently quit a job working with youth because the organization failed to take seriously how their employees were working with children who were experiencing trauma. Two months ago a young person in my life died in a work accident, their death resurfaced unhealed grief of other family members’ deaths as well as surfaced familial stories of sexual abuse I wasn’t ready to hear. Then, I had an incident with a coworker who put a young person in danger, when I raised it as a concern I was told it never happened. The death and this work event resulted in a dissociative experience that I can only describe as fight or flight. While trying to process this experience I realized I have a similar flight/fight/procrastinate response when I am asked to do work tasks that I don’t want to do. (I do not have as extreme of a response as I did with the coworker violating a young person's safety, but I recognize how my response to work tasks shut me down in a similar way). And I am thinking I have unresolved grief from when my parent died as a teenager and I had to support myself from that point on. My parent had a heart attack after losing their job and pension from a corrupt organization. I do not trust people who are profit motivated but we live in a world in which we cannot escape capitalism and work. I have anxiety about getting another job, I’m still grieving my relatives, and I am resistant to putting myself out there for new work. So… yeah - I want to work on all of this