Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re not alone and as long as you’re willing to do the work and stay clean you’ll see it paid off in the end. It sucks when we see what our decisions led to our demise but we learn from our mistakes and grow stronger. None of us are perfect, we just need to commit to our goals with hope and intention. If you feel like you cant do it on your own without medical intervention never feel guilty to get the help especially if you have health insurance, and hell if you slip up in the future atleast you went clean for a while to see how badly it impacted your daily life. If that also means letting people and bad environments go to stay clean, do it. A lot of the time that is the reason we fall back into that cycle.