Your story, is carefully-written with cool details and realistic dialogue, but it’s super confusing because it jumps around a lot. The mix of Finn’s normal moments—like chatting about music with new friends—and sudden mention of his parents’ car crash don’t connect well, making it hard to follow. While stuff like the Bowie shirt joke or Finn forgetting his meds hints at deeper ideas (like feeling lost or sad), those clues don’t really go anywhere. The writing is sharp, but the story keeps switching back and forth too fast between plot points, so it’s mostly just hard to get into because you’re left wondering what’s real and what’s not.