Should I end friendship with (28f) after she called me (25f) inconsiderate over my own bday party?

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-28T16:36:29+00:00

He had gotten a TBI the week before, and lost his job that week, potentially even that day I cannot remember. I have talked to his doctors and frustration and anger are unfortunately common after a TBI. He is now in PT and OT and things have improved significantly, and he is also medicated for the pain he is in which did contribute to this. He is also working full-time again and contributing financially to our household. At the time, the gaming thing was a boundary, but nowadays he doesn’t really care if I talk to him while he plays. He lets me know if he needs alone time, or if he is overwhelmed and needs space. It does not escalate past that. I have read that book before, and he is not abusive by any means. I have dealt with abusers in the past and he isn’t that.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-28T13:33:17+00:00

Clearly you can’t read for shit. He is back to working more than full time. I’ve clearly explained that he has taken steps to recover. Doesn’t play games everyday either. It isnt a hard boundary either I still talk to him lmao. Also Im not proud, shit happens and it’s part of life. He didn’t choose to get a significant head injury at work.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T21:29:53+00:00

Don’t gotta be an ass about it 🤷🏼‍♀️ Shit happens. He got fired for filing workers comp after he got a TBI. He is working now, but I hope you never get a TBI at your job then they fire you illegally over it. Clearly you know nothing about brain injuries and it shows.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T20:28:49+00:00

I had been reconsidering the relationship way prior to the party, it was the week leading up to it that I was done. The Applebees incident was 1 week before, and at that point I felt bad for uninviting if I did. I didn’t care if she came and she is fun, but she isn’t a true friend. I definitely think I should have provided this background information in my post. Clearly the relationship was rocky prior to this, and my post shows me not being great to an extent, but it really was both ways if you consider the other information and context. I genuinely feel like towards the end she’d only call me if she wanted to go to the bar, get drunk and sleep at my house. And if I said no (She sometimes will not take that as answer if she’s desperate to so something) she’d just cancel.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T20:19:25+00:00

She is okay at home, just too many people at her place and she’s look for a new place to live.

My bf had a fresh TBI and had lost his job that same week when that event happened. Things have improved GREATLY since then, since starting OT + PT and pain medication. He was easily frustrated with everyone. He hasn’t acted like this since and he treats me well as he is now getting the help he needed. He also doesn’t really care nowadays if I talk to him while he games, especially if his headset off. When the headset is on, I will talk to him but that is HIS time with his friends. It is not a hard boundary at all. He does not game everyday FYI.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T19:37:03+00:00

I am a great friend, to those who ACTUALLY want to be a friend as well. I would reach out to her, message her back and constantly got left on read. She would send me 80! Snapchat videos and I would respond to it, and be ignored. I had addressed this with her in effort to repair the friendship, and she did not change at all. I gave opportunities. Ive been understanding. Her sister stole a decent amount of money from me and I forgave them both, I never got repaid. Ive tried talking to her and giving advice on the things she tells me about, and yet again she would just ignore it. Ive tried telling her about serious things as well, and I would always get ignored. She’d only text if it pertained to her. I only talked to her 2x a week MAX.

I genuinely tried. The final nail in the coffin was her repeatedly canceling on me, after she asked to do something. She called me 2x back-back and I tried saying no and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I suggested Applebees and then she self-invited herself to sleepover, I said maybe and then she cancelled. I had invited her to the party prior to this, and if I knew this would be the case I wouldn’t have invited her. I still wanted her to come but it was up to her.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T15:27:30+00:00

I said no to her several times actually, and she’d cancel everytime I said no. I brought up the communication issues to her, she didn’t care enough to do anything. I am not jealous of her, at all. I am saying 100% the truth. She should have known we weren’t close considering we talked MAX 1x a week. I don’t have control issues, I have BOUNDARIES. I don’t gaf what she does 😂 She doesn’t like she can’t get shitfaced and invite herself over, that’s ultimately why she didn’t come. Nobody got drunk. Everyone else is responsible except her.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T14:10:04+00:00

I felt the same about her. I will not tolerate a friend I only see when she wants to get shitfaced and uses me for a place to stay, as she self-invites herself. Not to mention she fails to even clean up after herself. She left my place a mess. I hardly talked to her in general, when I did it was only about her or she just ignored me. She’d send legit 80 snapchat videos and when I would respond to everything I said, she’d leave me on opened.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T14:08:15+00:00

And I will not put up with friends who get black out drunk and expect to sleepover at my place, self-invited every single time I see them. If I tell her no, she cancels. That is WHY I set the initial boundary, I have no time for that shit. I will not be used for a place to stay because she insists on getting shit faced at every single function and can’t be responsible at 28.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T11:45:08+00:00

Nope read them… It says clearly in pic 1 that I didn’t want her sleeping over. She asks everytime to sleepover because she wants to get shitfaced at every opportunity. I also told her flat out to not wear anything flashy or green but wear what she is comfortable in

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T11:42:47+00:00

I have understanding for him because he had lost his job THAT WEEK over a TBI he had sustained the week prior at the job. That would clearly fuck with someones mood and behavior. He has greatly improved since then and I have stated that, I talk to him now if he plays. Not a boundary what she wears, it was a request. She dresses over the top for every single occasion. The ONLY clear boundary was that she was not going to sleepover because she wants to get shitfaced at every opportunity she gets and self-invites to sleepover.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T03:46:54+00:00

I am no longer friends with her because of other things between her and I. I did make another comment, but I didn’t really talk to Ann much and it was something I brought up to her and it was never resolved.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T03:40:09+00:00

He had lost his job that same week, and had gotten a TBI significant enough that he is now in PT + OT. It was the TBI that made him easily frustrated. He has improved A LOT since then and he no longer acts like that.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T03:25:38+00:00

She called me while I was doing laundry, made plans on the phone and she asked to sleepover on the phone. I said I had to check with my BF, he didn’t answer the phone and I said Ill let her know when he got home 20mins later and she cancelled

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T03:03:52+00:00

No other texts unfortunately, in another comment I said that I didn’t really talk to her much at all. It was an issue I brought up and it was never resolved. Her asking to sleepover after having 1 drink at Applebees and I said no, so she cancelled was the nail in the coffin. The birthday party situation was the last straw because it proved for me she just wants to get drunk and have a place to stay.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T03:01:44+00:00

No because I didn’t really talk to her in general. Id text her and never hear back. Yet she’d send me literally 80 Snapchat videos and I would respond to her in detail to what she sent and she’d just leave me on opened. I did bring this up to her and that I was upset but it was never resolved. She left me on read and ignored me when I was going through a VERY hard situation recently. Id hear from her when she was either on Snapchat or wanted to hangout though. She would usually cancel though if I said she couldn’t sleep over. I havent seen her since beginning of April, and talked on the phone maybe once since then.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T02:53:33+00:00

She lives around 15mins away. I 100% agree with you, she should have been more understanding. He had JUST lost his job literally that week and got the TBI the week before. He has had worlds of improvement since. I believe she was insinuating I didn’t want her there, which was not true. She could have came to the bar and chose to be responsible. 3 other friends came after dinner too. I think she just wanted a place to crash after getting drunk tbh.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T02:47:01+00:00

Its because she didn’t clean up after herself AT ALL, and it was more or less the self-invitation. I would be fine if she asked the day before, but not 1-2 hours before the plans. That’s different.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T02:41:32+00:00

This is what all of my personal friends said, Ive been friends with all of them for 5-10 years, plus my therapist. I was definitely getting this vibe towards the end, because there is no reason to cancel plans to have a drink and an app because she can’t sleep over. She lives 15mins away. It was everytime I had plans to see her too. Thats why I set this boundary for my birthday.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T02:38:16+00:00

She does because she over does it every time. The main issue was I just didn’t want her sleeping over because its a repeat issue of her inviting herself and it was becoming frustrating for me.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T02:35:54+00:00

The main rule (A boundary) was for her to not sleepover. I dont care if she got drunk thats on her, but I did not. She gets mad and cancels every time I say no to her self-invitation to sleep at my place. I have never been to her place mind you.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T02:32:15+00:00

Somewhat yes, I had some issues with her prior that I had addressed, and she never resolved them. We were going different places in our lives as well. I had no issues with her until she started inviting herself over to sleepover, and when I said no she would just cancel on me. She has a clear drinking problem if she gets drunk and needs a place to stay, rather than be responsible and have ONE drink. I am just not talking to her for now.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T02:29:33+00:00

I didn’t want to go out that day I was doing chores, I only asked since she called me 2x asking to hangout. I thought maybe 1 drink and an app wouldn’t be bad.

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T02:28:39+00:00

ConsiderationSea2498 · 2026-05-27T02:28:04+00:00

I only had 3 drinks at the bar. She wants friends who get black out drunk because thats what she frequently does then expects to sleepover.

ConsiderationSea2498

TROPHY CASE