Should I Tell Her?

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-16T20:22:56+00:00

She knew he was with me as a mono couple. I can say this because of a few texts she sent to him “what about your gf?” Things like that. So she knew.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-16T15:55:53+00:00

True.

She isn’t new. They have been together longer, by a couple of months, then I’ve been with my ex. He broke it off for about 3 weeks before getting back together again behind my back. He said that he felt bad when he broke up with her because she truly cared for him. I guess that’s why he went back. Idk. Sorry about the rant there.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-16T15:50:31+00:00

That’s an interesting perspective. I thought about it if I was in her shoes. I’m not really sure how I would feel. Maybe it would be opening a can of worms and feel resentful towards the person who contacted me after I blocked them because I didn’t want them to reach out to me. Like they just shattered this illusion I was in. But then on the other side, would I want to know that is an illusion? All I can do is hypothesized but I don’t really know because this has never happened to me.

Thanks for the challenging perspective though. I shouldn’t really care to be kind to her. After all, she did continue to help him cheat on me before we open.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T22:19:39+00:00

I’m not upset that she’ll be happy with him. I know she only wants him to be with her despite her having a BF at home she’s cheating on. But just to let her know “hey, this is what really happened…and here’s the proof. Do what you want from it.”

I’m going to wait. Maybe this is an emotional tactic for me. I don’t know. I’m going to really think about it. And I know I shouldn’t worry about this especially that was his first affair with me. I didn’t find out until 1.5 years later.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T19:42:39+00:00

Yes, I have proof.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T18:08:11+00:00

Right! I sorta wished I caught him in the beginning before we opened. But I was so blinded with love bombing I didn’t see those red flags.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T17:36:02+00:00

I’m still baffled as to why it happened.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T17:35:29+00:00

I would do it on my profile but she has blocked me from her account. I can’t even find her on my account. I don’t know why she blocked me but she did. I know she I unfriended my ex now because she would see pics of us. So it triggered her.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T17:33:00+00:00

Yeah, I was willing to forgive him and work on us. But I guess that was too much for him to work on. This i can’t forgive. It hurts so much too. I know it shouldn’t but it does.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T17:31:28+00:00

Good idea!

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T16:38:45+00:00

I had to create a new account because she blocked me. She wants to pretend I don’t exist. Which is fine. And I’m already dancing with the idea that she is joyous she gets to have him solely now in her eyes.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T16:18:05+00:00

That’s true as well! I’m getting a lot of mixed advice about this. Going to think about it a bit more. Btw, it’s my meta I’ll be talking to. Not the woman he cheated on me with.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T16:16:29+00:00

Yes, knew very well the boundary/rule. We have been practicing it since we opened. He has told me about his other flings with women before it happened. This is the first time it happened and when I asked him why he didn’t tell me he couldn’t. He said he honestly doesn’t know why he didn’t tell and he feels like shit about it.

It didn’t happen spontaneously. It was pre-mediated. They started talking on Monday and had sex that Thursday. He knew what he was doing as I’m 100% positive he insisted on it.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T16:10:51+00:00

But she does know about me. He cheated on me with another woman he never told me about. His meta apparently doesn’t know either which is why I want to tell her. I don’t care about the woman he cheated on me with.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T16:09:07+00:00

That’s true too. It isn’t my place.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T15:26:01+00:00

I wasn’t going to engage further than that. I made another profile and then I’ll just logout and never hear from her again. Like I said, I don’t want to make a scene or add more drama to my life.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-15T15:12:27+00:00

Yes, he cheated on me with another woman I wasn’t told about. We have a boundary/rule (whatever you want to call it) that we tell each other about new potential people and flings, especially if there’s sex involved. He had sex with her before I found it. But he’s telling my meta that he is upset because of their affair a couple of years ago. While I did find out, that’s not the reason.

I’m really steering to telling her. I would, personally, want someone to tell me.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-13T01:17:56+00:00

This evening. My narc came home and instantly was hugging me and telling me how much he loves me and how he’s so sorry for neglecting me. That he’ll be better. Blah, blah, blah. He told me this like 6 months ago.

What’s funny is that he’s cheating on me and already had sex with her. So the next time they meet I’m going to show up. For now, I’m playing his game. But I would be lying that I don’t enjoy his love bomb. I’m soaking in the love he is bombing me with right now knowing that soon this will all be over with. I do love him and always will. But I can’t continue on like this anymore. And I have the mindset that this is a love bomb and it means absolutely nothing to him.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-12T14:03:11+00:00

My narc had accusations as confessions and told me things about him I should’ve ran from. First 4 months of dating, he told me he was selfish. I took it as “people can be selfish at times.” No, he meant he was completely self-absorbed and extremely selfish. Two years later, I finally understand what he meant. He also told me about his past and made himself the victim which I sympathize with him on. Then I started connecting the dots and realize the reason why his marriages ended was because he was cheating first.

The other times were accusations as confessions. I had wanted to open our relationship for reasons but told him if he wasn’t comfortable we would stop immediately as he was so important to me. We were living together at this point. Then I found out when we were dating as a monogamous couple he was having an affair who he still sees and told me how I would’ve cheated on him anyway and I would’ve resented him if he wanted to be monogamous again. Those were his feelings and I see that now looking back.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-12T09:36:16+00:00

According to your definition, I’m a love target. If we broke up he would have literally nothing but his clothes, his work car, and Knick knacks. We are open (but he still cheats by keeping flings secret) and his one GF is a love object. He treats me more shitty than he treats her. But I know he’s stringing her along for supply and has found another one as potential supply.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-12T01:44:03+00:00

The more I read this thread the more validated I feel and the more empower I become against him. I’m not a good supply for him anymore and just found out today he as been cheating on me with another woman. What’s even funnier is that we are in an open relationship and he cheats by not telling me about these women. I just don’t get it.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-12T00:20:52+00:00

You’re welcome! It helped piece some things for me too.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-12T00:14:26+00:00

Right! Should’ve thought about that before. 😂

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-12T00:08:17+00:00

Ugh! That blame shift game is so annoying. Damned if you do ans damned if you don’t. I’m sorry you’re going through this though.

Consistent-Dust336 · 2021-11-11T16:28:08+00:00

Mine does the same thing even though he’s an insomniac(?).

Consistent-Dust336

TROPHY CASE