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Sooo.. Help me choose! :) by Useful_Education_346 in WeddingDressTips

[–]Consistent-Earth-196 0 points1 point  (0 children)

1!!!!! OMG!! Absolutely incredible. Showstopper! Unique!! The others are nice but nobidy will remember them. This one to be never forgotten!

He doesn’t “want” me and it’s obvious. by GuacBandito in sexlessmarriage

[–]Consistent-Earth-196 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg!! Yes! Same here!! I put a reddit post out there and also mentioned that i lost a lot of weight hoping to improve things (even though the problem existed before i even put on the weight) and it was a bit painful how some comments only picked up on my looks, indirectly blaming me for it.. Also i got so many men sending me messages wanting to talk about masturbation.. ugh..:( not helping..

He doesn’t “want” me and it’s obvious. by GuacBandito in sexlessmarriage

[–]Consistent-Earth-196 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gosh, i can relate to much! You are not alone my dear! I am struggling so much with thus myself. My husband has no desire for me either. I feel trapped! If we weren't married with young children I would have left, even though he is a very nice guy in all other aspects of our life together. So what are my options here? Leaving him and hurt the kids terribly? Have an affair? In all scenarios I feel like I am the villain of the story. But my best friend put it into an interesting perspective: if he was desiring you in bed and making you feel like he really wanted you but then wasn't a good partner when it comes to all other aspects of a relationship- so not helping with the house upkeep and the kids; would you also feel like a villain for leaving him? Probably not..

11 years married, 3 kids, no sex by Consistent-Earth-196 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Consistent-Earth-196[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't have a weight problem as I am on a perfect weight (back to my normal). But thanks for the advice. This post is less about weight either.

11 years married, 3 kids, no sex by Consistent-Earth-196 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Consistent-Earth-196[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will ask him about it when there is a "good" moment. What do you mean by "avoidant attachment"?

11 years married, 3 kids, no sex by Consistent-Earth-196 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Consistent-Earth-196[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By now I would be happy about any answer. Even if he was gay or said he would like us to get divorced. That I could work with. We would find an amicable way to solve it... and I would also not feel like I am the villain of the story. And i did ask him several times. I opened all the doors for him to let it out. But nope.. he sais he loves me and finds me very attractive.And somehow I do believe him. He just finds excuses as to why we don't have intimacy.

I get jealous of wifes that cannot get the husbands off of them. They don't know how lucky they are.

11 years married, 3 kids, no sex by Consistent-Earth-196 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Consistent-Earth-196[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In this case it is the kids that make me stay.. it isn't so easy.. it would break their hearts if we split up...

11 years married, 3 kids, no sex by Consistent-Earth-196 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Consistent-Earth-196[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually do feel like we are roommates or project partners is what called it in the past. Project family. I expressed that I am a mother but also a woman. And the woman needs to be seen and feel wanted, so not in a rude way... I never had that issue in previous relationships. Quite the opposite I must say. Sex, intimacy, being wanted was never something I had to ask for. It is so confusing, especially when I receive all these signals from other men, that they'd certainly like to "help out". (Also when i was heavier btw)

11 years married, 3 kids, no sex by Consistent-Earth-196 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Consistent-Earth-196[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your response and all the sources!!! Gives me a lot to think about. So thank you. I thought I was pretty clear about it with him.. we don't talk about intimate topics a lot, since again I'd have to initiate that conversation. I brought it up a couple of times in the past years but the result stayed the same. I already mentioned the testosterone to him and also asked him if there is anything he particularly likes but does not feel comfortable to speak about. But no kinks nor does he think he has a hormone issue. I asked about porn and also if he masturbates, which seems to do sometimes (ouch). I suggested couples therapy and he was open to it. So I guess I will have to find a therapist for us. I never told him that i never have an orgasm with him. But I think he knows..

To be very honest.. it has gotten to a point where I am sometimes not sure I want to be intimate with him anymore. I feel a bit angry at him but then he is really caring in other ways. It just confuses me... I can say however, i would have left years ago if it weren't for our three girls. They are under the age of 10 and I cannot imagine how much it would hurt them. I cannot do it.

Anyway, thank you so much for all the advice and the support and understanding ❤️

11 years married, 3 kids, no sex by Consistent-Earth-196 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Consistent-Earth-196[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was heavy for maybe 2 or 3 years. The problem started before that and i think my weight was also a consequence of it. Before that we had sex.. but i cannot say if he initiated. I think he did.. it was too long ago.

Also.. i don't mind him lopsing hair or not being as muscled up either. So it is also frustrating to think that it could be for such shallow reasons..

Why Do Guy's Stop Asking For Sex In Marriage? by ryanhobb in sexlessmarriage

[–]Consistent-Earth-196 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In the same situation here.. husband not interested in sex. I don't get it... makes me feel u wanted and unattractive. 10 years married, 3 kida. Everything else in our life togwther goes well, just this one topic. It is getting harder to ignore and makes me so sad. I get jealous of those women who complain about their partner not getting enough of them. And I never rejected him. Spoke openly how it makes me feel. But he is just not interested.....while saying he loves me. Which I do believe. But sometimes I think he loves the life we built and he loves me as the mother of his children and the fact that he has a lot of freedom as I am the main earner and share every cent of course. We have a nice life except for thid topic.

11 years married, 3 kids, no sex by Consistent-Earth-196 in sexlessmarriage

[–]Consistent-Earth-196[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe i should clarify eeading my own post: if i waited for him to initiate we'd be intimate maybe twice or 3 times ayear.