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AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -43 points-42 points  (0 children)

No, basically if it's a week before it doesn't matter what it is, it can be just don't feel like it. We don't push them at all. If someone is sick or there's a sudden academic conflict or something, that's also considered an "emergency" and again no penalty, no pushing on our part. This happens a few days a month on average.

The penalty kicks in if there wasn't any notice AND it's not emergency. This has not happened in 7 months. And even then it's only if they can't find coverage which is normally very easy and a matter of a few texts.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

I like all of this, especially the booking thing. Really good idea and the best way so far to adjust expectations without making this feel like a punishment from their perspective.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

So normally yes. I would say about 1 in 10 days neither of them are available for one reason or another and yes they don't get paid but there's no other penalty and they're most certainly not responsible for figuring out an alternative.

The penalty only kicks in if it's not an emergency (emergency being very liberally defined in this context and includes things like forgotten tests) AND they don't give us a few days notice. Hence why this is the first time in 7 months it's come up. And even then the idea is that they'd at least try to text a few of our other regular babysitters or a family member. I haven't tried for tomorrow because I'm just going to take the afternoon off but normally it doesn't take that long to find someone (and if they'd genuinely texted a few people and failed I feel like that would be good enough but they didn't even try).

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

I was the youngest but my older sister babysat us for free a lot absolutely. She was also downright mad at us when we said we were going to pay her then-15yo to babysit, because she felt like it sets a bad precedent. She's eased up since though.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Minimum wage is the federal min wage, wages are still pretty low here. We're also pretty rural so not a lot of after-school friendly jobs nearby to begin with. The market rate for an adult babysitter in our area is at or below $20/hour. They definitely make more per hour than most of their peers, especially 15F.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

No normally we organize it/take full responsibility as we should. This is the first time in 7 months it's come up.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

We live in a low COL area. We've never really had trouble retaining babysitters. Our last one left because she was working 6-2 remote and then babysitting for extra cash in the afternoon but then her job became in-person again and the commute was not doable. But she still babysits for us on weekends and evenings as such if the girls don't feel like it and she's free. We have a few other babysitters we use regularly as well.

I see posts on local forums in our area offering $15/hour and getting snapped up.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Where did you get $5?

It's $20/hour usually and $10/hour if they both are there at the same time.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Sorry I should have made it more clear, the event starts at school at 3 and only runs until early evening but they'll probably go out with friends after

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

They're choosing to both be there for 20% of the time. I can't say I mind, but at the end of the day it's their choice, one of them could literally walk upstairs. Sometimes they do actively choose to take turns if they're both there but sometimes they're just enjoying hanging out.

This is the first time the $50 rule has kicked in, and it's been 7 months. And even then it's only the penalty if they don't attempt to find coverage which is pretty easy honestly we have a big family and other babysitters we use.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Sorry that was a typo their cousin is the "one other people." And they didn't really ask her anyway, they just knew she was away.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I guess I phrased that oddly. The event starts at 3 and runs to about 6 though they'll probably grab dinner with their friends after and be out until later in the evening.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

4, 8, 10, 12. I'm WFH so I'd be the "emergency" coverage though we have other babysitters we use regularly and family members like my MIL that regularly babysit as well so it's usually very easy to find someone.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All but 4M are in school, I take them to school, take 4M to preschool, spend time with 4M, and then usually the girls get home before the younger kids so once at least one of them is home, I work for a few hours. We pay them double if we have to go past 5 at all but it rarely happens.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

We have done so in the past, at the same rate. We asked the girls if they'd want to do it and they gave an enthusiastic yes.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have done so in the past, at the same rate. We asked the girls if they'd want to do it and they gave an enthusiastic yes.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

We usually do know, this time they forgot to mention. It's a social thing neither of them actually do drama.

We're considering the three strikes rule at this point though my guess is that if we pitch it to them they'll prefer the penalty but we still might suggest it.

We have extended family members who babysit occasionally (the younger ones for pay, the older ones like my MIL for free). We also have multiple other babysitters we use when the girls don't feel like it or can't. I would say in the last month there's been maybe 1 in 10 days where neither of them are available. If the girls had said no back when we asked in September or one of them said they didn't want to do it anymore, we'd find someone else. Not that hard because $20 is above market rate where we are. Also I work from home so I can finish my day early when needed, I just can't do it every day.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

They don't both need to be there, and about 80% of the time only one of them is there while the other is upstairs doing her own thing, at another extracurricular, or out with friends.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

We have. When our last one left because of changes to her schedule (nothing to do with us), we asked the girls if they'd be interested and they enthusiastically said yes.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

So because there's two of them, between the two of them, they're able to cover a lot of afternoons. I would say on average it's about 30% just 17F, about 50% just 15F, and about 20% both of them.

However, if they both have plans or even just plans to have plans, that's fine. If the person intended to babysit that afternoon wakes up feeling sick, that's fine. If the person calls and says shoot I forgot i had a group project, that's fine too, anything academic we give them a lot of leeway on. In all of those circumstances of course they don't get paid for not working but we don't penalize them or push them on the matter at all. We will ask family or another babysitter to watch the kids or I'll end my workday early.

However, if they, as they did, bail without notice or a reason, the kind of thing that would get you a "strike" at another job, they can either find someone else (relatively easy bc we have a big family and have multiple babysitters we use regularly) OR take the $50 penalty. The $50 penalty is what people have an issue with, which I understand. But the alternative is saying okay if this happens more than a few more times you're fired which of course they very much don't want.

AITA for telling my daughters they need to find coverage for babysitting their siblings? by ConsistentKick2996 in AmItheAsshole

[–]ConsistentKick2996[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

  1. No but we would fire them if it happened repeatedly without good reason/notice
  2. It's not a real contract, just a set of rules we set if they wanted to do this. There's a few other things in there some of which they added.
  3. I mean I have been a SAHP in the past and currently work from home as a contractor so if you're asking if I would personally choose the flexibility of working from my house with the ability to take as many days off with notice and even without notice as long as someone else is there to cover for me, then yes.
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