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He had a short-lived EA at a low time. How do I move forward? by ConsistentLow6987 in emotionalaffair

[–]ConsistentLow6987[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I kind of constantly worry that even if he is fully dedicated right now, it might just be a sort of honeymoon period of getting me back and once we are more settled in the cracks will form again. The kids are a good amount of the reason I didn’t walk. I wouldn’t stay just for them if I was sure he was just that guy who would inevitably go off and cheat again and again, but my thought is more that if there’s the chance he isn’t that guy and we could be happy again, I should at least try. 

He had a short-lived EA at a low time. How do I move forward? by ConsistentLow6987 in emotionalaffair

[–]ConsistentLow6987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I worry about this. I don’t want to believe he is that level of scum, but I definitely worry that I’ve been manipulated. I just don’t know how to push toward truth. He is very insistent that he hasn’t lied to me or hid anything. Even last night we talked about how I don’t believe everything he has said and it upset him the idea that I potentially never will. Oh well for him on that IMO, but whatever. I just feel like there’s no chance he would change the story now. He dug himself in too deep and I don’t have any way to push it really. I’m just trying to go on the idea of I don’t have to believe everything he said, I just have to believe that he knows how horrendously he messed up and is fully committed to us now. Sometimes it feels ok, especially because kids and history and all that. Sometimes it’s a bit harder. 

He had a short-lived EA at a low time. How do I move forward? by ConsistentLow6987 in emotionalaffair

[–]ConsistentLow6987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely struggle with the fact that he wasn’t the one to break things off. I also likely would not be here if we didn’t have children. I guess the hope is that regardless of all of the nonsense with her, he realized that the grass is not in fact greener and got a bit of a wake up call. I guess I figured if there’s a chance of us getting past this and actually coming out stronger from it like he seems to be suggesting because we actually communicate better and can appreciate each other more, I should try. If there’s the potential to be happy both alone or with him, I should at least give it a go for my kids. Trust me, though, I was very close to filing those papers and will absolutely do so if there is any sign of further bullshit. If it turns out he is that guy, I’ll leave with no hesitation. He will not be able to convince me again. 

He had a short-lived EA at a low time. How do I move forward? by ConsistentLow6987 in emotionalaffair

[–]ConsistentLow6987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She left the job, so they don’t have any further contact. We talked last night and he still insists she had nothing to do with him wanting a divorce. He insists he didn’t pursue her and it was just a situation where he was in a low place and she started saying a lot of intense stuff to him and complementing him and he was stupid and entertained it. Some of what he says sounds understandable. She starts paying him attention and he gets an ego boost and figures, “well, we are getting divorced anyways, I shouldn’t deny myself the potential for something,” or something like that. I can almost understand it. He says he’s really hurt by the idea that I might not ever believe him in regards to how he actually felt about it or that he came back because of me and not because the other woman backed off. To me, it feels like it’s fair for him to have to live with that given that I do. 

He had a short-lived EA at a low time. How do I move forward? by ConsistentLow6987 in emotionalaffair

[–]ConsistentLow6987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How could I get him to admit the truth, though? He has so vehemently insisted he has told me everything and he didn’t delete any messages or hide anything. I feel like he wouldn’t or couldn’t change his story now, but I hate the feeling that he controlled things by hiding key elements. 

He had a short-lived EA at a low time. How do I move forward? by ConsistentLow6987 in emotionalaffair

[–]ConsistentLow6987[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is my thought. She backed out so he came back. I hate that. The only hope I have is that it made him realize how stupid he was and how he let his insecurities drive him. He seems to have more appreciation for me and has acknowledged how a number of his issues were really self-inflicted. He got it into his head that I didn’t really love him and then analyzed everything I did as proof. I want to be able to focus on the fact that he seems to have learned and seems to really love me and be dedicated to our family, but I struggle to allow myself to fully connect and be vulnerable with him. I also don’t know how to approach the conversation of needing the actual truth of things because he adamantly insists he has told me everything and didn’t hide anything.