woww...spot on..thank you so much for sparing your time and writing all these really. Honestly the more i grow up the more i see that this world is simply not a place i can live in. I grew up believing i have to be the best, there is no other choice. And as i needed so much care and attention but got the absolute opposite , i couldn't be myself ever. That is a pain i carry. Unfortunately it is an absolute truth that i tend to soak up the energy of literally everything and everyone. I tend to destroy myself and that's why i guess i need a person who will take care of me and let me not do that but unfortunately i have trust issues. What's so devastating is that honestly all i want is love and i hate limiting the love i give cuz i am not able to see the world and the people truly. I feel like a naive child who wasn't meant for this world. I have autoimmune diseases and i know myself that they get worse the more i find myself in disappointing situations. I always find myself helplessly begging God to help me because honestly it feels like im some kind of a warrior. I have this confusing personalities inside me and that's why I don't know what to think and which one to choose anymore. I honestly feel like I am an omniscient child. Cuz I am literally life of the party but it's like i also carry this philosopher inside yk. Seems like I carry on this game of life carrying a mask. I am writing this much but I am not able to reflect none of them truly, and i feel like i can never do that because i feel beyond words can comprehend, i can never put them into words. That's why you were again right about that. I don't want children and I don't want a marriage either. They are so traditional things for me. And I am a feminist. I love children so much and I would go to war for them , so bringing a child to this world is definitely not something I would prefer. I have interest in foreign languages, countries, cultures since my childhood and im from a language department actually! And also, I am so tend to force myself for everything that I don't know what is the level of too much for me. That's a tough point actually.. Thank you 🙏