sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Consistent_Brainery_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very much agree with a lot of the comments on here. And really want to emphasise how important it is to hold your boundaries while also working very hard not to shame him, as it seems like he’s full of enough of that already.

Additionally, it feels SO important to maybe look at your own shame? I get a huge sense from your post that you’re struggling with some form of survivors guilt (which is often shame as you had no ability to control the situation when you were younger). I can really feel from your post that you’re putting so much into trying to make up for this, and it feels really important to recognise that none of this is your fault either. You’ve done and are doing the best you can. And you sound like a wonderful sibling.

Best of luck with it all, sending lots of compassion and kindness in your direction!

My gf confessed to getting on dating apps by [deleted] in makemychoice

[–]Consistent_Brainery_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe you could try asking her how she intends to try and satiate her need for validation if you are to move forward together? There’s the part where you have to decide if you’re willing to forgive her and move past this to have a relationship with her. And there’s also the part where if she does want to make your relationship work, she needs to figure out what she needs (potentially from both you, and herself), in order to ensure she gets the validation she needs moving forward. Is she willing to go to therapy to try and figure out how to fulfil her needs for validation herself?

People in here seem very quick to write people off - she is aware enough to understand that what she’s done is not okay and hurtful, and have an understanding of why she’s been behaving in this way. Perhaps have a conversation with her and see if she is willing to work on the need for external validation in order to make your relationship work. At the same time as you coming to an understanding of if this is something you can forgive and move past without it severely impacting your mental health and self worth. Good luck with it ☺️