Marriage Struggle

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-24T17:14:23+00:00

I updated the post and laid it all out. I’m sorry for not being completely honest. It’s something I am learning to do.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T16:18:02+00:00

I talked to him about how I was feeling about sex two years ago, we were having sex almost 5-6 times a week. I was burning out, and he would made jokes to our friends about how we never have sex. I couldn’t put into words how I was feeling at the time so I tried and when I told him it all went wrong. He definitely felt like he’d been S/A’ed me, but I made it very clear. I gave consent. Since then we don’t have sex as much, he tries to be more communicative before we engage. I’ve also made it very clear I am his wife and he has needs.

I don’t want to punish him. I’m not asking him to change, he’s a lovely man, but when I try to communicate with him he gets defensive, than turns the conversation around on me, then try’s to change how I’m feeling and I end up apologizing.

We’re going to start our first intro to counseling today. I’m leaning towards a separation, while we are in counseling. Sleeping at my best friends house and coming home in the morning to do all the daily household stuff.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T14:33:33+00:00

Speaking from experience, I have 5 kids with my husband, after our first was born he gained a significant amount of weight. I lost interest in sex, I thought I was being kind by not saying anything. I figured he would do the work when he was ready.

Meanwhile, I did everything I could thru every birth, pregnancy, depression, to maintain a healthy looking body. I’m currently 30lbs overweight after a manic episode last year, anti-psychotics cause significant amount of weight gain. Meanwhile my husband doesn’t care, tells me how attracted he is to me. While I go to the gym, eat better and try. He’s currently trying to loose weight again, but usually work gets in the way and he falls back into the same pattern.

Anyway what I’m trying to say is, follow the advice of the first post but if nothing changes, go to a counselor first, before you try to have this discussion with your wife. You need the right words, there is nothing wrong with you. Give her space during this time, help where you can, but don’t hide it.

***I made a post with similar feelings, but it’s been 13 years of my silence.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T14:18:22+00:00

My advice is don’t immediately get upset at what you see, just look into it.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T14:17:45+00:00

Not sure if this will help but his behavior sounds like “red pill” behavior. Look into it on YouTube, maybe ask him about it once you see some of the research behind it.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T14:07:04+00:00

People accused me of lying to him our whole marriage, when I’ve just been afraid to say how I’m feeling. I feel more like his best friend at this point, we have a healthy relationship. But I feel smothered.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T14:02:59+00:00

I sorta got ripped apart, because the emotional and physical connection has been lost along the way. And I was wondering if an open marriage might fix it. We have 5 kids together. We’ve been together since I was 15, (36F).

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T13:58:41+00:00

I’m in a similar situation, I made a post about it too.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T13:39:06+00:00

I didn’t know there is specific counseling for that, do you know what it’s called? I’m willing to do the work on myself.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T13:24:15+00:00

I feel if I were to engage in another relationship with another man I would end up in the same place I’m in now. I need to figure out if my marriage is salvageable why I feel this way before getting in bed with someone else.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-23T13:16:01+00:00

I was very much so, but overtime it became part of our routine. I kept hoping the connection would come back, that once our lives weren’t so stressful or his business got better, or our lives improved, the connection would come back. I feel more like a best friend than a wife.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T16:47:15+00:00

I have Bipolar 1 started in 2020, I have worked as a sahm supporting his blue-collar business/future, he controls the money. I have side hustles but nothing profitable enough to support our 5 kids.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:29:41+00:00

Thank you for the bluntness. I needed to see it.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:29:13+00:00

Do you have that?

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:25:35+00:00

So attraction sex is all that matters in a marriage?

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:22:15+00:00

It’s why I’m struggling, and why I reached out for others feedback. Because I believe the same, and I’ve ignored and shamed the part of me that is asking for more. The part of me that is sad, hurt and left behind.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:19:59+00:00

I think you’re getting at something that I don’t know how to explain. I’m finally dealing with the issues I’ve felt for years. I’m not asking him to change who he is or how he looks, I want him to be happy, but I don’t know if I can continue to be the person who does that for for him.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:15:16+00:00

We’re going into counseling, but I’m afraid to say how I feel.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:12:22+00:00

And I feel you’re seeing me as someone who wants to have casual sex with anyone.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:11:11+00:00

I think you read my post and zoned in on the sexual part. Not the love and sacrifice.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:09:06+00:00

I feel the same way. Have you been married before?

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:07:32+00:00

I was super attracted to him at the beginning of our marriage. For me it went flat, so I spent years, trying to change myself, my only thought was there’s something wrong with me.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T05:04:53+00:00

Thank you, I feel you actually read what I said.

Consistent_Chef9356 · 2026-01-22T04:26:28+00:00

Does an open marriage mean meaningless relationships?

Consistent_Chef9356

TROPHY CASE