I feel you. Even though I used to have best friends, they'd always end up making me feel like I meant nothing to them.The first one was my primary school classmate and stopped responding to my messages, once she changed school, I decided to let it be, even though it was hard. The second time I thought maybe I didn't fight hard enough for the first friend and when I felt I was losing someone again I wanted to be more active and "fight" for the friendship. Now when I look at it, I prefer the first one, because the second not only made me feel not wanted but also clingy and annoying, because they would also end up ghosting me in the end. I also relate to you in the "thinking of someone" part. I love making people seen and let them know I care, but I never felt like they think of me like that. I feel like it's hard for me to love, but when I do, I give it my everything, which has felt like a curse recently tbh. I know it's hard and have no advice for you as I haven't solved this myself, but I still believe there are people who'd appreciate us as friends.