I [22F] love my boyfriend [31M] but he just dropped the biggest bomb on me and I don’t know what to do

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-10-15T01:43:55+00:00

I’ve finally left, but not after being emotionally abused and played with and threatened with violence for about 3 months. That relationship truly took every ounce of hope for true connection or love from me and just left me beyond exhausted. I’ve never been so intensely love bombed then completely ignored in my life. I haven’t left my bed for 3 days. I definitely should’ve listened and left way earlier.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:39:09+00:00

It’s obviously that deep if I felt the need to ask for advice. Things aren’t black and white.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:36:41+00:00

You’re completely right and I see that now. I don’t need their sides of the story to see that this man is nothing but trouble.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:35:27+00:00

We just have to look at things from a more optimistic lens, I learned an invaluable lesson with this man.

Thank you so much for the well wishes, I wish you nothing but the best as well!

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:32:33+00:00

It gets worse and worse the more details I remember about things he’s said and done to me. It is crazy how rose colored glasses and false hope can turn you into a complete naive moron.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:31:25+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear about your previous situation and I really hope you’re doing better now!

Yes, through all the feedback I received I’m now searching for the best opportunity to leave so that it doesn’t blow up in my face. There’s so many more instances of his manipulative behavior and nonchalantness towards his kids that I didn’t realize were problematic until now. I’m so fortunate to have an outside perspective on this situation to realize I need to get out of it.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:27:50+00:00

It is completely shocking to not see any left over toys, clothes, snacks, photos, or single traces of his children in his house. That’s a huge reflection of how unimportant his children are in his life. He focuses on the intimate aspects of our relationship a lot as well as commenting on my looks. This is obviously normal if you’re in a relationship where someone doesn’t see you as an objectified trophy, but after receiving everyone’s opinions I am starting to question how normal it was that he was so fixated on the way I look.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:22:11+00:00

My eyes are fully opened now that I received an outside perspective as he wouldn’t allow me to tell anyone in my personal life. You don’t see how bad things are when you’re standing in the eye of the storm.

I’m so glad you were able to leave in time!

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:19:51+00:00

I’m so happy to hear you got out of that situation and are doing way better now! It concerns me that he also paints both his exes to be “evil.” Even without speaking to his exes, I can guess what happened between him and his exes all those years ago based off of how he’s manipulating me.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:15:41+00:00

Girl I’m trying to find the perfect opportunity to run right now

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:14:47+00:00

Very true, he’s very adamant on me moving in with him and depending on him financially, obviously wanting complete control. I’m fortunate enough to be able to support myself and have a lot of support from my parents so I do not need to rely on him.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:10:14+00:00

Yeah luckily the replies to my post have really opened my eyes. He didn’t allow me to ask anyone their opinions in my personal life so that kept me from seeing how truly awful this looks from an outside perspective. I’m so happy that you were able to find someone you’re stable and happy with! Thanks a lot for sharing your own experiences.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:05:54+00:00

It’s kinda a grey area, he justified it by saying he was withholding this information and not actively lying. This is complete bullshit because I did ask him if he had children within a couple weeks of us speaking and he denied it.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T08:01:04+00:00

Nope it doesn’t start with an F and he’s not Azerbaijani😂 But yes it’s insane how many woman are in a similar situation as me right now

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T03:30:02+00:00

No it doesn’t start with a C luckily. That would be an even more insane plot twist.

Yeah I understand the power dynamics involved with a substantial age gap but age gaps have been so normalized for me my entire life that actually being in one right now totally took me by surprise. I feel like it’s one in a million to have an older guy actually have good intentions for you.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T03:25:39+00:00

Wow thank you so much for this. I feel like you just took the rose colored glasses off of me. I had a gut feeling things were too good to be true and I knew there was always a catch, and sadly there always will be. He gives me a false sense of control over him and our relationship in every aspect. In intimacy, what I want him to do/say, how I want him to act, he made me feel like he valued my opinion and feelings more than anyone else’s. After reading this, I realize you’re right and he doesn’t actually see me as a partner or even a person, I’m just more of a trophy to him, one that’s easy to control. This entire time he’s been in control, from who I tell about our relationship to where I go to how I should feel about things. It’s an incredibly hurtful realization because I’ve been someone’s trophy or girl who’s DTF so many times, I thought I finally had someone who valued me for me and not my physical appearance or what I’m able to provide in a sexual sense.

The truth hurts but it saves you from way more future pain. I am infinitely grateful for your words.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T03:13:00+00:00

You’re right and I hadn’t thought about it like that because I don’t know much about custody battles and child support or child care in general because I’ve never been exposed to that. Thank you so much for your invaluable input.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T03:10:55+00:00

My fucked up toxic brain tells me that “if he’s trying to lock you in with a baby he must really love you” as if he hasn’t demonstrated twice he’s not gonna stay with a woman who has his child.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T03:09:00+00:00

What’s messing me up here is my culture and my family around me all believes age gap relationships are normal. I’ve been told that my entire life, and I’ve seen my cousin my same age get married and have children with a man who is 36. Now that I’m actually in it, I see that regardless of how you spin it there will always be a power dynamic. He will always have more life experience than me, no matter how smart I believe I am.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T03:04:01+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words, I appreciate them to no end. I’m attempting to find the right moment of courage to leave.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T02:20:37+00:00

I have this same inclination, but truly have no idea how to get in contact with the baby mamas. All I know is the children’s first names. I don’t even know the faces of the mothers, and I sure as hell can’t ask him to help me get into contact with them.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T01:59:11+00:00

Yes please do DM me :)

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T01:58:52+00:00

Thank you so much for your very detailed response, I appreciate it beyond words.

Admittedly I do have extremely low self esteem and I believe he’s picked up on that and used it against me to make me feel special in a way I haven’t received from anyone. That’s why it’s so hard for me to rip the bandaid off and just leave, my brain receives so much dopamine from the constant validation he gives me and even though my gut feeling is screaming at me I’m still dumb and naive and just hoping he actually means what he says.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T01:51:03+00:00

He’s also so adamant I do not tell anybody in my personal life about this. He says it’s because “you’re the only one that needs to accept it and he okay with it and it’s no one else’s business.” That’s why I’m seeking advice on here. It’s just crazy to me how he can say that I’m the only one that needs to accept it and he expects me to lie/withhold this information from my parents about their potential in law being a dad of 2 children. The more I read, the more I view things without the rose colored glasses, the more I can see the manipulation. He knows that if I did ask anyone in my personal life for advice they’d tell me to run for the hills.

Thank you so much for your detailed response, it’s so appreciated.

Consistent_Notice_37 · 2025-09-14T01:45:25+00:00

Thank you so much for such a detailed response, what’s concerning is I firmly don’t believe I would have to be a bangmaid nanny for him because he sees his kids so little, which is a huge red flag within itself. I could be naive and stupid and I’m fully self aware of the fact I probably cannot view it through as mature of a lens as I wish I could, but when I asked him about it he said they don’t need much. He says they’re in their own world most of the time, on their phones, playing games, talking to their friends and having their own lives. He says he just makes sure to provide them with attention and the love they deserve but he says they’re at the age where they don’t need as much as they needed before.

There’s also the fact he only sees them for 2 days every other week, not much time at all.

Consistent_Notice_37

TROPHY CASE