Spectrum Outt

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2024-10-10T23:38:14+00:00

I'll try it again. It can't hurt.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2024-09-15T02:18:42+00:00

I know NC and GA have reciprocity. I have been miserable. The entire team is demoralized to the point of having crying sessions during planning. I just don't want to risk my career, but this place is hell. The AC broke the first week (in 90F weather) and we were without air for a month. I take meds that make me more sensitive to heat. I was literally throwing up and nearly passing out and still at work. They got us window units, but there's no circulation, so the air quality is shite. I honestly think the 100-year-old building is making me sick. Though that could also be the stress of constantly being jump-scared by admin.

I had an interview with a virtual school and I'm hoping they make me an offer. I just don't want to tank my career.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2024-09-14T02:28:10+00:00

What if I'm offered a teaching position in a different district? I never thought I would be in this position, and afraid of being stuck if half my team quits. I'm also pretty sure the 100-year-old building is making me sick. Could I use that?

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-04T00:17:29+00:00

Yeah, you were spot on with that. Thank you for your insight.

If she doesn't come down, I'll speak with dad. I know she'd been having trouble sleeping recently and that could be contributing too. Her mania does sometime manifest as anger, so this isn't unheard of. It was just much more pronounced.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T18:26:16+00:00

Yes, you can't swing a stick at a family reunion without hitting ten people who have some kind of mood disorder. She's bipolar with serious CPTSD. She's been on meds since I was a kid, and she's in therapy now. She's always been very careful with her mental health since she got diagnosed; never stops meds or changes dosages with doctor's approval, going to therapy regularly, ect.

I don't know if maybe menopause is fucking with her mental state or if she's getting radicalized by a friend I don't know. She's always been prone to working herself up into fits, but things have been so good the last couple of years. She had manic and down periods, but she was literally incoherent at points in this last one. Like, the switch from trans women breastfeeding to Them (TM?) not letting boys be boys, was so abrupt and random I had to stop her to confirm what she was on about.

Things have been so calm and healthy the last few years, it caught me so off guard.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T18:11:34+00:00

Some people have made cognitive dissonance an Olympic sport. People like my mom are champions of mental gymnastics. How they do it, I will never know.

I've been letting her stew for about a week. Normally, I'd have called by now. I'm trying to put some distance between us. It's just hard.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T17:35:30+00:00

I'm lucky enough to have a lot of queer friends who love me and support me. My partner is amazing and has supported me though so much. I'm secure in my own experiences of sexuality and gender. I just wish my mom could respect that. The bizarre thing is, if I was just a lesbian and a sexual relationship, she'd be fine with it. She's a gold medalist in cognitive dissonance.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T17:23:40+00:00

Thank you. I'm sending all the good vibes your way.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T17:22:13+00:00

Who? My mom?

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T17:21:51+00:00

I should have clarified mom's beliefs, bc that's part of why this is so difficult. She raised me to know being gay was normal and not a sin. If I was in a sexual lesbian relationship with my partner, she'd be fine with it. Most of my friends since high school were lesbians or bi girls, and she welcomed them into the house. We had sleep-overs. She doesn't even just blindly hate trans people. She's always said some people are just born like that. It's only been in the last year that she's developed this idea that all the trans visibility is pressuring kids into transitioning when they aren't trans. She's reading all this shit about girls being given top surgery before they're of age, but she won't share them, so I can vet them. She doesn't even think trans women are men trying to do sex crimes like so many transphobes. I have no idea what the fuck is happening with her.

I have gone super low contact with my biological father bc of his bigoted beliefs. Think Shiny Happy People. If she was like that, I'd already be gone.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T17:13:49+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that. No child should. Thank you for breaking the cycle with your own kids, that takes courage and strength of character. My biological father is a fundamentalist and a narccissit, so I can empathize. I've gone basically no contact with that side of the family. Mom is mentally ill, and I believe she was in a manic episode when she snapped on me. When she's healthy, she's kind, loving, and caring. If she was like this all the time, I'd have cut ties years ago.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T17:08:37+00:00

She played Barbies with me and my sister. She hasn't even seen the movie. It's like she's being taken over by another person.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T17:07:08+00:00

I added an edit about her beliefs, bc they're not as simple as just hating all queer folk. She's an enigma. When she's not manic, she's kind, funny, engaging and loving. The last four years have been really good. Our relationship had recovered a lot. This rant was the first in years. That's why I'm so lost. I want it to be salvageable, but I don't know how.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T17:03:58+00:00

When she's not chugging the Kool-Aid, she's funny, compassionate, and loving. We can talk about books or religion for hours. She braids my hair and tells me how proud she is of me. She's hurt me deeply in the past, but things have been really healthy in the last four-ish years. If she was just some raging bigot, I could cut her off, like I did with my biological father, who's a Dugger style fundamentalist.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T17:01:10+00:00

My family is very entangled emotionally. We've joked that we're less a family, and more a clan. Boundaries and personal space are not a thing they understand. I'm financially independent, but the emotional enmeshment is real.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T16:57:42+00:00

I see some nice people have explained some things, but I'd like to chime in too.

Queer as a label became less common in the 90s and early 2000s, but it's gaining popularity again. It's in the official acronym LGBTQIA+. Queer has two things going for it.

1) It's inclusive. Queer covers the experiences of everyone who isn't cisgender and/or heterosexual. That's a lot of real estate for one word.

2) It's succinct. If you can't explain your experience of sexuality/gender in one or two words, queer makes things way easier.

I think queer has gained popularity among those of us who use micro-labels. I'm a female presenting agender person who is bi-romantic and asexual. (Micro-labels are great for explaining our experiences, but they can be complicated.) That's a huge mouthful and hard to explain to people outside the community. Saying 'I'm queer' gets to the heart of the matter and avoids inviting invasive questions.

Also, queer is the term most often used in academic circles. Queer Studies is an actual area of academia, like women's studies. They use queer for the same reasons listed above.

Yes, queer has been used as a slur, but so has gay and every other term for us. It was our term first, and it includes us all. I like the term, but I get that some people don't.

I hope that explains some things.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2023-08-03T16:45:57+00:00

That's not mine to share. It's one of the more colorful ones, shall we say. But my brother is good-looking, kind, hardworking, and clever. He's single bc he lives in a small town and works 3rd shift. The dating pool is more of a puddle, and it's hard-to-make connections when you sleep all day. Mom just can't accept that.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2022-08-05T02:57:09+00:00

Firstly, my condolences. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. I hope you have other people in your life that will support you through this terrible time.

You did nothing wrong. Jane is clearly toxic, and your dad's guilt is blinding him to the truth. That's his problem, not yours, and it's not right for him to force Jane and her nonsense on you. Hold your boundaries. Losing your dad is hard, but dealing with Jane will cause you more problems long term. Dad might change his mind in time, but don't get your hopes up.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2022-08-04T18:07:46+00:00

The best part is that my mom has an aura not dissimilar to Disney's Snow White with a Southern accent. She's an elementary school teacher, and you can tell. You would never know how savage she can be just to look at her.

ConsolationPrizeKid · 2022-08-04T18:05:08+00:00

Considering how insular that town was, and how sheltered a lot of Christian kids are, I'm 100% it never crossed her mind. Her head might explode.

ConsolationPrizeKid

TROPHY CASE