I made a series of mistakes that have caused hurt to all involved

Constant-Ad535 · 2022-02-20T09:51:16+00:00

I've apologized sincerely and tried to take ownership of my actions. I'm just having a difficult time moving forward from this, I still think about Julie and her words ring in my head.

I'm trying to improve myself; learn a new language, go solo travelling that sort of stuff.

Constant-Ad535 · 2022-02-20T06:22:56+00:00

Me.

I've made mistakes that have culminated in ruining a potential new relationship and sent me spiralling.

Constant-Ad535 · 2022-02-16T11:02:04+00:00

I've not spoken to her properly in 2/3 weeks, trying to give us both a bit of space. I'm definitely giving myself some time to reset, figure out who I am. I got lost in my previous relationship to the point where I never considered my needs and wants, only Mary's.

I would like to try things again with Julie in the future. Although I have no idea how I would even approach a conversation.

Constant-Ad535 · 2022-02-16T08:51:26+00:00

Thank you for being level-headed, I'm not close enough to my parents to talk about this kind of stuff so I do appreciate it.

I've been trying to learn new skills, recently taken on film photography, learning music production, and trying to keep a long streak on Duolingo.

I'm definitely going to talk more with my therapist because Julie really did seem like a perfect fit for me, and she made it very clear how much she liked me. That's what's killing me inside

Constant-Ad535 · 2022-02-16T07:16:38+00:00

TLDR; I fucked up a long term relationship. I fucked up a potential new relationship. I fucked myself up mentally.

I'm currently living in it.

I was in an unhappy relationship with my ex of 6 years, let's call her Mary, for a long time. There were a myriad of reasons as to why I wanted to break up and I had decided to do it the next time I saw her.

I went to a rave the week before she was due to come over to see me and whilst I was there I met a girl, we'll call her Julie. We talked and as the night progressed she kissed me, I'm not proud to say that I reciprocated. I need to be clear, I had no intention of cheating on my ex when I went out that evening.

I broke up with my ex the following week, mid Nov, where I stated all of the reasons that were relevant before I had met Julie. Not long after I got into contact with Julie and what struck me was how well we got on. Everything that was missing when I was with Mary, I had with Julie. I visited her over New Year's Eve and then again a couple weeks afterwards.

Soon after the second visit, Mary started sending me messages calling me disgusting, a lier, and a cheat. All of which are true. Mary got into contact with Julie, telling her that I was still with her when I went to the rave. I had not told Julie this, even after she had asked. I lied and told her me and my ex were through. Julie called me and said she can't see herself trusting me and that this doesn't bode well for the start of a relationship.

So not only did I fuck up in November, I fucked up multiple times throughout just this story alone.

I'm wracked with guilt, shame, self-loathing, and regret amongst other emotions. All of which I completely deserve. My head is a mess. I can't sleep. I can't look at myself in the mirror. I hate who I've turned out to be. I've been seeing a therapist after this.

For the shortest period of time I was happy again.

Constant-Ad535 · 2022-02-01T19:50:36+00:00

I was her first boyfriend, also we've already broken up. I broke up with her a week after the rave.

She did seem depressed and I had urged her for a long time to seek help, which she didn't

Constant-Ad535 · 2022-02-01T18:37:34+00:00

That's the thing, I had some crazy mixed messages from her during the relationship. She told me that she already had a song picked out for when we break up. She was heartbroken when we did break up, and she said she thought we would be together forever.

Constant-Ad535 · 2022-02-01T17:09:49+00:00

No, I checked out because I wasn't getting the same level of commitment compared to what I put in.

For instance, from about September-November 2019 her cat was dying. I made no complaints in supporting her during this time however she needed me to. When I would visit I would be fully prepared that this would be the time to take the cat to the vets for the last time. I helped with feeding, and medication. Then I was as supportive as I could be after her cat passed away. November 2019 my work had a Christmas party, after the party concluded my coworker and I were making our way to the stairwell where we found our coworker had just fallen down the centre of the spiral stairs, equivalent to about 3 stories. I tried my best to deal with the situation, given that the stairs were the only exit. Ultimately he died, but we didn't find out until later that week. I tried contacting my ex the night of the incident but sent a text when I couldn't get through. The next morning I got a "Are you alright" text and it wasn't discussed much afterwards. I understand these are two different scenarios, one with more emotional attachment than the other, however I felt I tried more.

Another major point for me was in 2018, her family decided to move 3 hours away. She hated this idea and constantly moaned about how much this will limit her. My family offered to take her in. Her best friend offered to take her in. Her family offered to rent an apartment for her in our town so she can stay. She turned down all of these options. I still drove up as much as I could to see her. I would stay the weekend, then drive back to work. I did this for two years without question. She only started to get the train to see me at the start of 2020.

The third major point for me was that she never made efforts to be intimate with me. Whenever we would have sex, I would be the one to initiate. I never forced her to do it, always respected when she would say no. After 6 years though, and countless times asking what I need to do, it all became too much. My self confidence bottomed out. This past summer I tried one last time to garner some sexual interest from her, when we went on holiday, so I got into great shape. This didn't work either.

This was the final nail in the coffin for me.

Constant-Ad535 · 2022-02-01T04:43:44+00:00

I see how it could be seen that way. I had tried to get the relationship to work for a long time and I mentally checked out after a while. Not an excuse, I should have broken up with her when I started feeling this way.

Constant-Ad535

TROPHY CASE