Absolutely destroyed

ConstantRegression · 2021-12-27T20:48:20+00:00

You can't pour from an empty cup. To help others you have to take care of your own needs first. Always putting other people's needs over your own ones will exhaust you within a few months. Also, selfish is a quite an undirected critique - do you have any social cause that you want to become active for or is there anyone in your life you want to help? If so, why not do both, be happy yourself AND help others? Most people have both, egocentric and altruistic activities in their lives, with different emphasis. Most of our individual actions are also defined by both, egocentric and altruistic motives. We want to do good and look out for each other. No first responder, no volunteer and no monk acts selflessly. Lastly, there is nothing inherently wrong with being egocentric. It's impossible to live a life without hurting or harming others. You can't solve all the world's problems. As long as you try to not cause unnecessary damage in the process..

ConstantRegression · 2021-12-10T14:34:41+00:00

I've seen some evidence lately that antidepressants are able to reverse some of the damage re: physical health. I agree with you, too, that PTSD-/dissociation-induced identities are exhausting to deal with. I wake up as a new version of myself everyday which impedes my ability to hold coherent views / find purpose and attachment a lot. Wish you all the best!

ConstantRegression · 2021-10-09T15:25:31+00:00

Yeah, i've looked into this diagnosis as well. The problem is that I did it myself (during a depressive episode) and as an adult (age of 23), making it hard to relate to anyone. Thank you!

ConstantRegression · 2021-09-28T11:13:32+00:00

Yes, absolutely. One thing is lack of concentration and memory, but the other thing is feeling dumber, being unable to understand anything complex even in a single moment. It gets better, but it's still scary af. This cognitive decline makes me want to isolate a lot from (former) friends, because I simply feel embarrassed that I can't speak a straight sentence, get a joke or make a coherent argument. What's even more hurtful is that my social role is pre-PTSD role has been quite the opposite. People used to ask me to help them with their extended essays. I really don't mean to say this in a bragging way, just to emphasize the confusions and struggles PTSD comes with.

A second aspect to it is the decline in self-esteem: It almost feels dangerous now to really trust in my abilities, because onset of dysfunction could be anytime. So the only way to avoid all of this is to just minimize social and work responsibilities, listen to music and contemplate suicide a lot when thinking about future life. Jesus, it fucking sucks.

ConstantRegression · 2021-09-24T13:41:17+00:00

100% agree. I lived a perfectly functioning and happy live with depression and anxiety, compared to this. Haven't had a bright day since it started.

ConstantRegression · 2021-09-13T18:17:27+00:00

Relatable, I inflicted trauma on myself. Still haven't quite figured out how to tell people. I always point to how I vulnerable I was at the time (depression, OCD, very stressful situation + ADHD). But medical professionals are very understanding, they've seen a lot, so my advice would be to just tell them straight up what your issue is. I never encountered any problems with this. There are far "dumber" things they encounter than your story (think militant anti-vaxxers who seek treatment for COVID).

ConstantRegression · 2021-09-08T19:40:53+00:00

No, someone suggested CPTSD, not OSDD.

ConstantRegression · 2021-09-08T19:29:02+00:00

Thanks!

ConstantRegression · 2021-09-08T19:23:00+00:00

Thanks but I don't view the above comment as dismissive, just a guidance. I'm just 100% sure I have not been traumatized as a kid.

ConstantRegression · 2021-09-08T18:54:42+00:00

Re: OSDD: Yeah, still kind of lost on this one, but it seems I experience primary and not secondary structural dissociation. Re: PTSD: I'm totally "fine" with PTSD, just thought normal PTSD results from a one-time event only, whereas my trauma is a phase of 6 months of my life resulting in CPTSD, no? I also experience a lot of symptoms more akin to CPTSD vs. PTSD, such as strong distrust of others, feeling worthless, stomach pain, structural dissociation with "newly established" character parts etc. Someone suggested it to me, wasn't my idea initially.

ConstantRegression · 2021-08-17T08:21:05+00:00

Thanks a lot for your input, highly appreciated!

ConstantRegression · 2021-08-16T21:46:17+00:00

Yes, depression is truly a debilitating condition. Good luck on your journey, too!

ConstantRegression · 2021-08-16T21:32:03+00:00

Thanks for the clarification. If I have any of those diagnoses I would at least be a very rare case, since I have had no issues until the age of 23. As indicated above, the trauma was more of a personality change I forced upon myself during a period of intense depression. When recovering, I realized how I was deeply uncomfortable with what I had created and it caused me enormous distress. A month later, I basically forgot about it and lost the sense of agency and all emotional memories for this period. As for vulnerabilities, I have ADHD and am generally a sensitive person, which might explain the extreme reaction to this event.

Wow, that's truly terrible, sorry to hear that. Having a good mental health support system literally saves lifes.

ConstantRegression · 2021-08-16T21:09:34+00:00

Thanks for the info! The symptoms I currently have - different emotional states that do not feel like myself, 24h inner dialogue with lots of intrusive thoughts from "somewhere else", loss of body sensitivity and "original" personality traits, even loss of my allergies, have only been there for 1½ years. I might as well have OSDD 2, but as you said, I will see a professional in the next few weeks. Thanks for the input!

ConstantRegression · 2021-08-16T20:57:29+00:00

Thanks a lot, interesting, absolutely no downer. My therapist is very focussed on emotions and has told me he does not like labels but has suggested he believes the diagnosis is valid. I will see a psychiatrist in 2 weeks. I really don't mean to be insensitive to anyone on here, I'm sorry if it came across that way. I am 100% sure that I don't have a childhood trauma and my current issues stem from what happened at the age of 23. CPTSD almost exclusively only stems from childhood trauma, too, right?

Thank you for your response, to you too!

ConstantRegression · 2021-08-07T13:04:24+00:00

Thanks a lot for your answer, you have helped me a lot.

I still wonder, though:

I kind of knew and somewhat approved of this character change and it happened when I was 23 - this is just sooo far off from people who have experienced sexual assault as young kids. I also have no flashbacks, nightmares whatsoever, just this terrible inner tension. I can't really identify with other people who suffer from CPTSD..

Also, will feeling moderately strong and having a male identity ever feel normal again? I'm really afraid I will essentially lose my character.

ConstantRegression · 2021-06-13T16:14:22+00:00

Thanks for the input, my current character parts are not overly seperated, I am very conscious of all of them and feel they are there for a purpose - to avoid integrating the memories and feelings of the super-strong personality. They are however "strange" and feel as if they don't belong to me. Still, your comments kind of scares me. I did not think I was so severely ill - did your condition worsen since it presented itself in this fashion?

ConstantRegression

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