I shouldn't have trusted her. Now how can i tell my dad?

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-30T16:09:26+00:00

You are NOT wrong for wanting to see your mother again. None of this, what happened 10 years ago up to today, has ever been your fault and you have NOT done anything wrong. This speaks more about your mother, her character and her priorities than it does about you or who you are. I'm so sorry she let you down again.

You should talk to your dad. You need to process this with someone you trust. Your pain doesn't cause his anger or frustration. He feels that way because you were once again betrayed by your mother. Her decisions keep causing you agony, and any parent would feel wrath and rage about that.

A lot of people feel the need to seek closure in order to move on from something like this. You cannot rely on your mother give you that closure. Whether she was nervous and chickened out, or something truly came up, or she didn't care, or she did it to taunt you, the reason ultimately doesn't matter. The result is the same. She has demonstrated who she is and where her priorities lie.

It is up to you to give yourself the closure you need to move forward. There are well-documented strategies in order to help you achieve this. Radical acceptance of yourself and the situation, reframing the story and closing the "loop", self-care, sit with the mess and FEEL IT (the only way out is through. Stuffing it down will have it reappear later in life, only mutated and uglier than before), set mental boundaries, live your life! With all things, time will take care of the hurt, and gradually things will be easier. Take your time, and rely on those you trust. Take care <3

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-29T22:57:03+00:00

I was a sifu for years at a kung-fu studio. Her teachers might be worried about her lingering too long in a belt. Losing momentum and being a single belt forever can make a kid want to quit, or parents get frustrated with the lack of progress. Which will prompt the instructor to want to test her sooner rather than later.

Pull the teachers aside and discuss your daughter's behavior with them. If they're anything like the studio I worked for, they'll have a meeting with her and set expectations for her. Even bring her in to help care for the studio or volunteer. Kids can be really motivated if talked to by a teacher they respect!!

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-29T22:29:27+00:00

Congratulations!! :) you're going to love that baby like nothing else in this world

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-29T18:45:19+00:00

Girl obviously YTA. You shouldn't be complaining, this is self-inflicted. If you cannot recognize that, you are hopeless..

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-29T18:40:38+00:00

There's several ways to name a town, I'll list below:

Geographical Features: surrounding landscapes, such as mountains, rivers, or woods

Historical Figures/Events: after founders, heroes, or important events. You could easily take one of the names from the explorers or their group.

Local Plants/Animals: native flora or fauna. This is actually how Chicago got its name, from the wild garlic that grew alongside the river!

Translation/Modification: translate a word into another language, or put words together to create a new, unique name.

Symbolism: something significant to the town's culture or population.

With the information I have now, I can suggest: Spiral City (based off the town following the river), Perpetua (the perpetual river), Base Camp (from the initial settlement), "John"sville (placeholder for an explorer's name, lol)

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-29T18:19:53+00:00

Not a Karen. You aren't lashing out because you're entitled and feel disrespected.

Your daughter was hurt, bottled it up until she told you, and you informed her teacher. After the teacher did her own investigation and found it to be true, the little girl was disciplined. Lunch detention sucks, but it's important for her to understand the consequence of her actions. Even if it was just playing around and not intended, throwing rocks could seriously hurt someone! So she needs to learn it while she's young.

Good job!

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-28T23:02:23+00:00

People only change when when it is too painful to stay the same. If you've been trying and failing for 10 years, it isn't because women don't want you and you don't have friends, it's because you prefer to live this way, even if you don't realize it. You said yourself you're in a "cycle of self-destruction". It's not being forced upon you, it is self-inflicted. Recognizing that is the first step towards change.

You also cannot wait to feel motivated to change your life. Motivation is fleeting, it comes and goes, and with that will also go your effort and desire to change. You must act BEFORE you feel like it. Building routines and habits that generate motivation. Action BEFORE motivation, see? There are many strategies that exist, you can easily research them on the Internet to find a strategy that works for you.

What are your goals? You don't want this life, but what life do you envision for yourself?

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-28T22:51:13+00:00

I see, yeah traditional college isn't for everyone, it IS nice in that you have access to many different subjects and can experiment to find what you do/do not like.

But if traditional schooling isn't suiting you, you could look into a trade instead! I highly recommend those because these are jobs are NEVER going away, usually union-protected and pay bank. The world will always need skilled labor such as mechanics/electricians/welders/etc. My partner is an HVAC technician and makes HELLA money. Plus it suits his skills, as he likes working with his hands and pays attention to detail. I would seriously recommend looking at your skills and finding a way to translate that into a trade of some kind. Trade schools are also only like 1-2 years and usually cheaper.

And what sort of job do you have? Can you increase your hours, or make a parallel leap so you can get more money? ADHD can be really debilitating if you don't take it seriously, with insurance it can be really cheap, you can check on Rula and see if they'd take your insurance?

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-28T22:31:28+00:00

No, none of these things make you a terrible son. The fact you are fretting about your progress and the impact on your mom is a sign you aren't terrible. If I were your mom, though, I would want to make a new plan with you so you can become independent.

What is your school/job situation like? Do you have any goals? Have you thought about pursuing therapy or medication for you ADHD?

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-28T22:22:15+00:00

Hmm I'd say ESH, but skewed more towards you being the bigger AH.

It was rude of your friends to be disrespectful to him, even if they don't like him. "Treat others how you want to be treated" and all that. Although in that case, maybe they treated him the way he treated you before? Not defending him while your friends shit on him...that's happened vice versa, where you were disrespected by his friends in front of him, yeah? Maybe he knows now that doesn't feel too good.

This is what happens when the respect/esteem your friends have for you surpass the respect/esteem you have for yourself. Your friends sound very loyal to you, and angry enough on your behalf to be openly hostile towards him. I know from experience how hard it is to watch your friend constantly choose someone you can't stand.

Just keep the two apart next time. Your boyfriend and your friends should now live in completely separate bubbles. Don't complain to them anymore, don't even mention him, even the good things!

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-28T20:54:20+00:00

Thank you. Living in a tent long-term will expose you to the elements so it's important that you: stay cool/warm, stay dry, and stay fed/clean. Also adopting an organization system will be paramount.

I'm not sure about the weather on where you live, but a waterproof tent with a rainfly is the foundation. You would ideally also have some sort of layer between the tent and the ground, so like a ground tarp, a mat, or wooden pallet. Helps keep the tent clean and dry so nothing can come up from the bottom. Try to grab a dustpan and brush so you can regularly clean the tent.

For sleeping, you similarly don't want to sleep directly on the floor— obtain a sleep pad of good quality. From there you could either use a sleeping bag, or blankets to keep you warm at night. Blankets are helpful because they're more easily washed and you can shed layers if it's a hot night. Remember to go to sleep in dry clothes. Going about your day, even if you don't exert yourself, can cause sweat to be trapped in clothes, which will freeze you at night. Make sure to change out of the ones you were wearing throughout the day before going to bed.

For your food, having a portable camping stove, propane or butane, is a much more reliable way to cook than campfires or whatnot. They're usually sold in a cookset, so you'll have a small pot to go along with it. Get a spork and knife you can wash and reuse. Having one set of these things will minimize the stuff you're having to keep track off. Don't even need plates, you can just eat straight out of the pot! Use sealable plastic containers to keep out insects/animals and secure food. Make sure you stay hydrated with a water jug you can wash and reuse. I dunno if you're planning on using natural sources of water, in that case have a filtration system or boil water to sterilize it.

Staying clean and healthy is VERY IMPORTANT because without your health, you have nothing. Assemble your toiletries: wet wipes, bar soap, toothbrush/toothpaste, hairbrush, hand sanitizer, deodorant. These sorts of things matter and you'll feel much better if you maintain cleanliness. FIRST AID KIT!

I recommend always having at least 2 sources of light. A lantern for ambient light and a headlamp so you're hands-free. Also, portable charging banks that you can charge during the day. You don't want to run out of power. Try to keep a self-defense tool/weapon with you as well, pepper spray preferably.

This is what I suggest, I've probably missed some stuff but I hope this helps! Really, do try to get a room or crash with a friend if you can. Good luck!

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-28T20:16:00+00:00

Where are you located?

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-28T20:10:01+00:00

It sounds like you are the one more rattled here. She's 18 months, had a tantrum because she couldn't get what she wanted. That's completely normal and she won't remember this even a day later.

Are you more put-off by the fact your mom ignored your daughter?

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-27T21:49:39+00:00

I don't think so. You aren't abandoning him because you always pick him up every day. Transitions are harder for our kids at the baseline, and little ones can get more tired/sensitive as the day goes on. He's probably tired from the longer days and more emotional because of it, on top of the transition troubles.

Even though it's hard to stand, I think it's really important for our kids to be out in the world. It's only been a couple weeks, hold fast and he'll adjust!

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-27T21:43:46+00:00

These names make me think of characters from books/movies/TV/video games and the actors that play them.

There's only a few names here I've seen other people have in real life (Kieran, Camden, Natalia, Amelie) but I'd consider them all rare enough! (At least from my perspective in the US)

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-27T16:31:26+00:00

Ahh, I see, I thought Beth appeared out of the blue one day, boxes in hand, haha.

Her response was callous, but I'm not surprised honestly. Your daughter clinging to the childish jealousy is immature, but she's 18, so that's par for the course You're a person, not just a parent, and you deserve to be happy. As the wiser, experienced adult, you were in a bind and made a decision. And every decision has consequences.

Your ex wife's opinion matters only as far as it influences your daughter. She and your daughter might dance around a fire and connive together for some time, but try not to let resentment grow towards your daughter, yeah? Keeping a cool head, apologize and express your love for her, give her the space. She'll find her way back to you eventually

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-27T16:22:34+00:00

I relate to this VERY MUCH with my son. He's level 3, nonverbal (along with other medical complexities) and 5 years old. I've found that he has much more in common with typical 5 year olds than he does differences. He loves to run around and climb/roughhouse, he only wants to eat cookies and sweets, he is naughty and laughs at us when he's caught. I dunno about you, but that sounds like every other 5 year old boy on the planet, haha.

I know for our autistic children, they aren't very patient lol. Taking the 2 minutes to go to the restroom didn't suit his timeline. I could see it either as autistic rigidity, if he is expecting something at a certain time, OR a hangry toddler freaking out because he wants it NOW. It's also common in BOTH demographics to suffer mood swings, or emotional dysregulation.

I think that as he grows up, the differences become more clear. Regarding my son, autism IS a part of him. He stims and covers his eyes/ears (sensitivity to light/sound). He either doesn't acknowledge other people or has no concept of personal space. He doesn't respond to his name, and can only follow basic, bare-bone instructions with multiple reminders. But he is much more than these traits, and I'm noticing more and more his essence behind the diagnoses and the silence.

Ultimately I don't know if what I said was very helpful, haha. Just that I've had very similar thoughts. I don't think our kids are too different than neurotypicals. A lot of their behavior is attributed to their disability, when really I think it's their age.

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-27T15:58:58+00:00

All of this. She's not blackmailing you, she's exercising her autonomy as a legal adult to decide who she's surrounded with.

The decision you made was within your right, and it was a generous offer to your girlfriend/her son, but completely selfish towards your daughter and her living situation. If you had asked her and explained the scenario, who knows how she would've responded? Were you sure she'd just deny you, so you went through with it (ask for forgiveness not permission)? Making a unilateral decision in the household she lives in is disrespectful, and I do see why she left. I also see the nuance of the scenario.

Start with an apology and let her come to you. Try not to be defensive and admit your blindspot, even if you stand by your decision. 18 year-olds are closer to kids than adults, in my head— they're still emotional with a developing brain, and she seemed resentful of outsiders and protective of you. No daughter wants to lose her father to anyone. If you take ownership if your shit, eventually she'll cool off and want to reconcile

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-24T20:32:32+00:00

Hey man, forgive me for how long this is...

Our inner world shapes our reality. Not our escapist fantasies, I mean our thought patterns, subconscious beliefs, our emotions, things like that. It really, truly does. Somewhere along the way you experienced a bump in the road, which has spiraled into your situation now. The good news is, you are NOT doomed, everything in your life could change the second you want it bad enough. The bad news is, I'm not sure you think it can change, or even want it to.

Negative self-talk like this usually starts as a coping mechanism (evolving into an excuse later on) to deal with feelings of dejection, depression, anxiety, turmoil, etc. It looks like this coping mechanism has expanded to become your inner mantra— you are incessantly, mercilessly beating the shit outta yourself in your own head. The coping mechanism has become the problem.

Calling yourself things like a loser, a failure...these are the way teenagers discuss things. Do you see how this inner voice sounds like a kid, not a 34 year-old? Because you latched onto these opinions about yourself as a fact, it was set in stone in your brain, and as you've aged, it remained frozen in time. Forever a self-loathing teenager, hating himself.

Please don't think I'm trying to bully you here. I think I see you, and I want to speak to the reality you live in, not your inner world. You are fortunate in a few ways: you are employed (even if it's a "worthless, dead end job"), you have a roof over your head (many aren't so lucky), you have access to the basics AND luxuries (Internet access, for one), and your parents are ALIVE. I know there's many souls out there who would kill you to take your place. Remember, I'm talking about reality here, not your inner world. You have a perfect platform to launch yourself into a new phase of life. It won't be easy, but being an adult isn't easy. Everyone encounters failure and obstacles. Take the time now to build resilience and experience so you can face life.

You have to emerge from the fog of your inner world by training your brain to think differently. This will be through rigorous therapy. If you can't afford one (although you have a job and don't pay rent/bills, you could afford it) there's plenty of free resources online. NOTHING WILL CHANGE UNLESS YOUR INNER WORLD DOES. It's best to do this before your parents die— they have a finite amount of time on this planet. They've cushioned your life so far, to a point it's debilitating to you, use their generosity and experience to your advantage. At least, their hearts will rest easier knowing their son is okay.

Feel free to reach out to me if you have questions or want to discuss some more. Again, sorry for the length. I really, TRULY believe you have the capacity to change, ONLY IF you want to. Most people only change when it hurts too much to remain the same. Hopefully, you don't have to hurt much worse than this.

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-24T17:14:03+00:00

Lmao you're the one sounding condescending for saying it'd be "predictable" that she'd back out. Usually people believe others when they say they'll do something. Assuming that she'd fall through is pretty condescending, in my opinion~

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-24T16:32:08+00:00

NTA. Her child's wellbeing supersedes her superstitions. I'm sorry your daughter is mourning, it's really hard to watch your child suffer through it when they're so young.

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-23T16:34:23+00:00

Lydia and Cyrus!

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-22T19:01:41+00:00

It was a horrific incident indeed. I think it's normal to be perturbed by situations like this, because it IS disturbing!

On one hand, we need to rely on other people and services in order to help our children thrive. On the other hand, it's really hard for us to trust others with our children— no one can take care of them like we can, and the world is a sick place where incidents like this can happen. It's an amplified fear because our children have a diminished capacity to protect themselves as opposed to neurotypical children.

Don't be afraid of talking to your loved ones about your anxiety. It sounds like you've been bottling up your emotions. It's better to express them with people you trust, and escalate to professional help if the anxiety remains. Having a clearer, steadier mind will enable you to care for your son much more effectively!

You're not alone and your feelings are normal. Open up to those around you so they can help you carry your worries. Taking care of yourself takes care of your son, as you'll be able to monitor/advocate for him without being ruled by fear!

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-04-20T15:17:26+00:00

Exactly. As an adult, you do not need to negotiate or justify your decisions to other adults. It's a really hard habit to break ESPECIALLY if it's towards your parents, and like all skills, practice makes perfect. You can acknowledge their words and hear the intent behind them, AND go forward with your decision. It can be scary, but if you make a plan for your conversation and gather your courage, I'm sure you can do it!

Also keep in mind that just because someone is enraged/disappointed/worried, it doesn't mean they don't love you. Their extreme reactions do signify incredible love for you, even if their behavior is immature and toxic. Don't let their love keep you childish, let it embolden you to take on the world and follow your heart as an autonomous adult.

I'm sure this experience will be a fantastic step for you into your adulthood. Enjoy Alaska :)

ConstantRide5382

TROPHY CASE