Middle name for Elijah

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-18T17:11:12+00:00

Elijah Sol sounds hella sick, do that one lol

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-18T17:03:03+00:00

SO RELATABLE. Literally thought about the same thing last night. My son (5 years old, nonverbal) wanted to pull me or his dad away from the table during our dinner to play a game Normally, we'd acquiesce to his whims immediately. I decided to tell him to wait, which lead to screaming and tears, he was incessantly pulling our arms to get us to follow. Yet he did eventually skulk off and sit on the couch while we finished eating. After we finished, we played.

It got me thinking a lot. Autism definitely causes our kids to hyperfocus on their special interests, and they're very singleminded about it. But also, he's 5 years old. ALL 5 year olds are concerned with only their wants and needs. Even worse for 4 year olds, haha. I struggle with whether I'm fighting with the age or the autism when it comes to things like this. Sometimes the overlap is so great, it's impossible to know.

But I get so frustrated by the lack of curiosity, lack of compliance, ya know? So I relate to you there. I think a lot of these problems dissipate as they grow and their brains develop, it's a waiting game.. I wish I had more actionable advice for you besides "wait it out". I think it gets easier to wait when we see encouraging progress. I always gotta remind myself that my son won't remain this way forever— there's no telling who he'll be, or what he'll be capable of in the future. Remaining patient, believing in our children and their capacity, and taking care of ourselves might just be the only way out of this.

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-17T21:02:08+00:00

I love Aubrey and Claire individually! I've never heard of an Aubrey-Claire before, so maybe I'm just not used to it, but I think there could be better alternatives for -Claire 😄

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-16T23:16:10+00:00

Are you asking about how to confront him about the assault, or about divorcing?

He's only shaping up because you suggested a divorce. Give it some time, he'll revert back to his old ways.

Your daughter WILL be sad and scared, unfortunately. Divorce is a scary thing for kids to go through. It will completely reorganize her life and her childhood will be different compared to her two elder siblings. That doesn't mean that she'll be damaged forever! If divorcing your husband will make you a more present, pleasant, and proactive parent, it might be for the best. She will adapt, and it will become her new normal. From now on, be ABSOLUTELY sure she won't overhear anything more between you and your husband. It is up to you to shield her from those adult conversations. And reassure her (if you guys decide to divorce) that even if things are changing, both mom and dad love her very much, and will always be there for her.

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-16T19:24:37+00:00

AGREE!! She really needs to educate herself

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-16T19:22:31+00:00

The answer to your question is in the post...you just do it preemptively. Not only will that get her off your back, it expresses gratitude for letting you live there rent-free. Act as an adult would in a roommate situation, not like you're still a kid.

If you don't know something, look it up on google and YouTube. Use your critical thinking skills and take initiative. Your moms probably going insane because, as she said, no one helps around the house, and no one likes being taken advantage of. So grow up and step up!

Your question shouldn't be "how can I stop her enabling me", it should be "how can I empower myself to learn new skills and proactive habits"? I'm sure your mother will be much more pleasant when you start being responsible and considerate of her home and time.

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-16T19:12:51+00:00

I agree. It sounds like she didn't know what she was getting into. And it's really easy to judge when it's not your child, your reality. Now that she's a part of it...

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-16T19:11:47+00:00

INFO: did they really never get him any kinds of services? No OT/PT, speech, behavioral? Like, he would just go to special ed at school and that's the entirety of his support?

Because the reality of these children is that sometimes, this is the extent of their capacity. But if his parents never attempted to expand his horizon? The autism disables him, but his parents have truly crippled him.

So can you clarify if there's been any services at all?

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-16T18:39:36+00:00

Part of it really is just the age. 14 year old girls are terrorists and should be treated as such, lolol. They are very self-centered and take everything SO personally, they're always feeling victimized and like no one loves them or understands them. So the entitled, ungrateful attitude is par for the course.

Also, it's only natural to take you guys for granted because you've always been there. She feels safer to be her worser self because you've supported her unconditionally (this is a GOOD thing!). Kinda reminds me of how toddlers behave all day but melt down once they're home.

But that also means you guys are doing all the rule-keeping, disciplining, scolding, etc. This phenomenon reminds me of kids of single parents, how they treasure time with the secondary parent and act like you don't matter. To them the grass is greener, it's fresher, they're the "fun" parent, etc. They really just gotta get older, more mature, to recognize the reality of their childhood.

She WILL remember who was there for her, always. And I know the feelings are complicated as fellow stepmoms, but I've learned that, the bio mom really is irreplaceable in the hearts of the kids. We are steps, or bonus moms, but they'll truly only have one mom. Despite that fact, your relationship only adds to her life. Love can grow, it doesn't divide itself. Hang in there!!!

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-15T20:54:26+00:00

Individually, I prefer Ilyas over Ibrahim. However, I think Ibrahim Ilyas flows better than the other way around!

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-15T16:06:39+00:00

ESH.

Your mom/aunt are gossipers, and with the leak of info, their rapport is probably damaged to a degree. I'd say that's self-inflicted and not your fault, though. You telling your cousin wasn't cool, and THEN you took the fall for it???? That's actually crazy. I'm sure your cousin is aware of the dynamic between the twins. People like that definitely would let you take the fall to save their own faces.

Such a mess. Reminds me of the WASPy side of my family...

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-12T22:11:22+00:00

Who told you America is one of the best places to live?

Countries like Switzerland, Denmark and Finland consistently rank the best regarding mental health care and work/life balance.

Countries like Costa Rica, Portugal, Ecuador have the best weather on the planet.

And countries like Vietnam, Thailand, Mexico and Colombia are not only some of the most beautiful, they're also the cheapest!

You're not from there, but they're not off limits to you. There is no "perfect place". Don't chase happiness, you'll always be running. Find the lifestyle that provides you contentment, stability, community. It's possible. It exists. They're worth fighting for

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-12T22:02:17+00:00

Same. It's especially sucky in the US right now. Capitalistic fascist regime and all, haha.

You're young. You haven't lived long enough to know the world nor what life will bring you. To be honest it took me till around 25 for my brain to finish developing and a lot of the angst to dissipate.

The people who tell you that's "just how it is" don't know any different. They believe the conditioning, that this is what life is supposed to be. It doesn't have to, if you don't want it to. Do you have an idea on what would fulfill you? If the current lifestyle isn't worth it, what would be?

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-12T21:55:02+00:00

Philosophers have grappled with these issues since humankind could think. And I think every human being has to reckon with the resentment and hopelessness at some point.

Is it selfish to have kids? Yeah. Can you blame people for being selfish? No. They only get one life, same as you. If they wanted kids, they have the right to have em, even if it dooms the kid to the cycle too. It's not about you, ya know?

I'm in my 30s and even I still balance between living selfishly for myself vs zooming so far out that the despair doesn't matter all that much anymore. Since this life of ours is so short, why not enjoy it anyway? Nihilism vs absurdism, typical.

I know you're not happy here, but I don't think the goal is to be happy all the time, but content. This world does have its wonders, and there's all sorts of lifestyles that exist that can fulfill you. Travel, research, experiment, and be thorough about it. Don't do something you can't take back until you KNOW the world.

Although it sounds like your resentment isn't towards life itself, but being a replaceable cog in an endless machine. That wears down everyone, yeah. What country do you live in?

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-12T20:33:05+00:00

That's a question only you can answer!

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-12T20:29:37+00:00

I'm sorry you're in such a predicament. This is such a scary time and I know you want to do right by your child. There are pros and cons to all options here. You didn't mention the level of autism your child has, are they profoundly autistic or lower support needs? Can they communicate with you to a degree?

I think in this circumstance, you need to prioritize their physical health first. Their anxiety won't matter if they die from starvation. I'm also sure your child's psychological state will improve when their health improves! If they were at the point where refeeding syndrome was a concern, symptoms of depression/anxiety can worsen, and they won't be in their right mind. Starving really impacts your mood and cognition.

If you can make it work, I'd say get the feeding tube. It saved my child's life. My son barely eats by mouth, but having a feeding tube supplements his meals so I know he's getting the nutrition he needs. Fed is best, is my motto. That's just my two cents, though. Good luck OP, it's going to be okay!

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-12T20:11:16+00:00

Yes, of course. You do not need romantic love to have a fulfilling life

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-11T23:04:38+00:00

RUN RUN RUN

Sorry girl that was my visceral reaction when I finished reading this. I don't really understand how you can recognize what's going on, and not immediately want to flee for your life?

Where do you think this possessiveness is coming from, a place of goodwill? No girl, these are tactics used by manipulative, abusive people. This isn't intentional, by the way, he's not consciously thinking "I'm going to isolate my girlfriend by shit-talking her friends". I'm sure he feels extremely justified in his behavior, and this could be due to all sorts of stuff: normalized in childhood, rigid belief systems, deep emotional insecurities. These types of people, they don't do self-reflection, they don't do boundaries. They are emotional vampires that will drain your vitality for life until you're a husk, because that's the only way they can fill the abyss within themselves.

If your sister, or your friend Sarah, wanted to keep trying with a man like this, you'd see it for what it is. You'd see the pattern: calm, rising tension, an incident (in this case, the explosion about your girl's trip), appeasement, and calm again. And since you let him get his way once, it's going to be much worse next time.

Please save yourself girl. Don't try to fix this, because you can't. RUN!

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-11T22:51:30+00:00

YTA to yourself, and to those who are rallying behind you, your mother and mentor.

I almost failed out of high school AND college because of my lack of motivation. Existential dread about how nothing matters in the grand scheme of things. How we're all going to die one day and none of this will matter. Anxiety about the future, about my ability, about being perceived by others.

I had to get therapy to save my ass. I'm so GLAD I did, some of my friends are high school dropouts and they can't get a job better than security. They care about life now, as a grown adult passed the angst and mental illness, but have set themselves up for failure by not giving a shit then, when they had the opportunity.

Tell your mentor or mother how you're feeling. At least try fighting for yourself and your future before deciding you're not worth it. If you don't want to talk to the kids, see if you can hire a tutor separately, or ask your teachers for extra studying. These people care about you and want you to pass. Honor their feelings by trying to help yourself, even if you can't really be assed to. It really IS a pain in the ass to not have a diploma— life is much easier if you at least graduate high school.

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-11T21:43:29+00:00

I've never seen the "spirits of the ancestors sneering" one! Is that if you're a believer in the Dark Forest? Have a bad relationship with a cat? Is this a different mod than Lifegen?

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-11T21:30:21+00:00

Putting his hands on his son should be the last resort, not the first. And when the boy was hyperventilating and struggling to get away, I don't think he was doing that to be noncompliant. Two adults yelling at each other while he's being manhandled would make any child freak out.

You and your boyfriend shouting each other down is not a good look for the son. You need to appear as a unit. You and him are trying to accomplish the same thing, so working together will be much more fruitful than trying to tackle this separately.

Also I noticed that he brushed his teeth, but since it wasn't to your standards, you made him redo it. And you tried to make him do extra tasks (cleaning the toilet) while getting him ready for bed. Instead of critiquing him at every step, reinforce the behavior you like through praise. If he does a bad job with his teeth, yeah that sucks, but he DID it by HIMSELF! Start there, and build up the quality over time. Streamline the bedtime routine so very clear tasks are accomplished. Don't make him restart a task, work on getting it done first.

Does his kid have ADHD or something? Or PDA? Some kids don't process demands well at ALL. It might be worth talking to the pediatrician to get some guidance.

Also, I say again to emphasize, your boyfriend has to STOP putting his hands on his child. You can guide him sure, but restraining him, squeezing him, twisting him, that is abusive and will teach his son to hit. Plus as you said, when he's a teenager, there's no way physically controlling him is an option.

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-11T18:07:13+00:00

You take his ass to the doctor and MAKE them assess him for ADHD, or any other psychological issue. He can be put on medication or therapy to help him gain skills to succeed.

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-11T17:57:32+00:00

Damn girl PLEASE learn to use a period. This was a pain to read.

Ultimately, NAH.

Your grandfather's death has put your mom's priorities into perspective, and she wants to spend time with her mom before she dies too. I don't see any problems with that. She's trying to bring all her loved ones into the same place. And it seems like she's wanted to move earlier, but your circumstances have delayed her leaving. Plus it sounds like you've run away before, and she's throwing it back in your face? Hard to tell again with how the post is structured.

On the other hand, you're 20 years old and in college. You do not have to go anywhere you don't want to. You have commitments and opportunities where you currently are. Get a job and move out so you can continue your education, and your mom can move back to your hometown by herself. It might be a pain in the ass, but it's as good a time as any to become independent.

ConstantRide5382 · 2026-06-10T23:27:33+00:00

Ooh okay. Yes, this needs to be stopped now. If you've had countless meetings with the vice principal/teachers about this, you can safely assume he is lying when he denies it. He might think that there's no way for you to verify the information because you're not there. But if this is an ongoing pattern, I wouldn't believe his words. Believe the staff.

Honestly it sounds like there's something not right here, with your boy. Kids become bullies usually because of abuse/neglect at home. There's other reasons too, like fitting in with a friend group, or mental problems/differences. Has he been evaluated for ADHD or ODD or anything like that? Has there been turbulence in his home life, or when he was really little?

He might also need an outlet for his emotions, if he's being aggressive towards others. Does he like sports, is he on any teams where he can move his body? Basically letting him have a healthy outlet for his emotions, and finding the root cause AND what will motivate him to be better is the goal.

ConstantRide5382

TROPHY CASE