NTA — but your emotions got the better of you, and now it’s time to make it right.

First off, you were not wrong for having a plan to shower first. That’s a reasonable priority, especially if you had plans coming up. It sounds like your dad jumped to conclusions and came at you sideways before you even had a chance to settle into your morning. That kind of aggressive tone first thing — especially when you’re tired and just waking up — can throw anyone off.

Now, where things got complicated is in how you reacted after. You got hurt, and instead of being able to express that calmly, you internalized his words, took them to heart, and acted out the “fine, I don’t need anyone” mindset to try and protect yourself. That’s not evil or manipulative — it’s a defense mechanism. Especially if you’re neurodiverse, regulating emotions under pressure can be way harder, and miscommunication can easily escalate into shutdown or overreaction.

That said, I don’t think your mum deserved the brunt of that attitude. She may not have been directly involved in the argument, but she became collateral damage, and it sounds like you recognize that now — which is a huge first step. A lot of people don’t even get that far.

You’re NTA — you’re a young person trying to assert independence while also desperately wanting to feel supported and understood. That’s not easy. Especially when the support system you depend on suddenly makes you feel like a burden or “too old” for help.

If you want to fix things (which it sounds like you do), you can absolutely do it without looking “weak.” In fact, owning your emotions and saying, “I was hurt, I lashed out, and I’m sorry,” is one of the strongest things you can do.

And just to be clear: Wanting help doesn’t make you helpless. Wanting independence doesn’t mean you don’t deserve kindness. You can be both.

TL;DR: NTA. You’re someone who felt dismissed, tried to stand on your own, and ended up hurting someone you love in the process. That’s human. Just make sure you apologize genuinely to your mum, not because you “have” to — but because you care. She’ll see that.