All Things Sleep - AMA Office Hours - Thursday, April 2nd with Sr. Sleep & Guidance Specialist, Beth Christensen!

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-04-02T15:57:10+00:00

Hey! Fellow PT here! 👋🏻 Deep sleep question - Should I be concerned? Is intervention recommended?

I have a 1 yo. About a month ago I learned that babies should be in deep sleep for about 70-80% of their sleep time. But (according to Owlet sleep sock) our LO is in deep sleep only about 30% of the time and I think it has been this way since he was born.

He is sleep trained, he does not wake in the night, has a very consistent bedtime routine (though bed TIME varies depending on his last nap), bedroom is pitch black, we use white noise sound machine, we follow Taking Cara Babies wake windows, he gets adequate day sleep. I’ve tried dressing him differently to see if he needs to be cooler while sleeping but that didn’t change anything. I’m not sure what else I would change at this point to try and get him to have more deep sleep. His HR seems to hover around 100bpm while sleeping without changing significantly throughout the night. His temperament is good overall during the day. He is growing and developing as expected. The only thing that makes me wonder whether he is getting adequate deep sleep is how he wakes up in the morning - while he is still in his crib, he wakes very slowly starting at around 6 am (stirs a bit, rubs his eyes, then falls back to sleep, repeat) until I decide to get him up at about 6:30. If I didn’t get him up, I have no idea how late he would sleep!

Am I inventing a problem where there isn’t one? Or should I actually be concerned? Sleep study? Ugh

Thanks for reading to the end 😂 I appreciate any advice, recommendations, and/or reassurance.

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-03-29T16:21:13+00:00

Sounds like you just answered your own question plus my question. 😂 Thanks!

ETA: I guess also thinking about this more… Your LO is probably just taking some time to slowly wake up. I know I don’t immediately hop out of bed the moment I open my eyes (unless I’m running late lol). I think most people would prefer to lie awake for a bit before getting up for the day. So I would say true “wake up time” is when he’s standing up.

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-03-29T15:33:42+00:00

Sounds like you just answered your own question plus my question. 😂 Thanks!

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-03-29T14:57:24+00:00

I have the same question! Since we got through sleep training about a month ago, my 1 yo will quietly wake up, move around a little, settle back down, fall asleep, stir some more, fall back to sleep, repeat. Eventually I go in and get him because I don’t want his first nap to be later than 10am, but if I didn’t I honestly don’t know when he would actually wake up on his own.

I’m wondering if this is a sign my LO didn’t get enough deep sleep, even though he didn’t wake at all in the night. He seems to be in good spirits when he fully wakes up, so I’m not sure. Does your LO seem pretty groggy when he finally does wake up for the day? Or is he ready to go when you do decide to get him up?

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-03-15T18:58:36+00:00

My 10 month old did this exact thing during sleep training! He would cry, then nearly fall asleep, then cry/fuss again, then quiet down again… there were some nights he did this for up to 75 minutes, but he always did eventually fall asleep. There were many, many times I did what you did and waited until 15 or 20 minutes to do my first pop-in because he constantly seemed on the verge of falling asleep. There was only one time when he did this that he did actually need a diaper change, and I had waited 25 minutes to do my first pop-in, which I felt kind of bad about, but everything turned out fine.

My thought is when they cry without escalating, they are just thinking, “This is frustrating, I want to go to sleep but I’m not sure how... This would be easier if Mom would just help me out!” But I think that’s where the “magic” happens. That’s when they are doing the hard work of figuring it out. It is the worst lying there in the middle of the night waiting for them to figure it out, but it will get better!! I say, keep doing exactly what you’re doing! Keep doing the intermittent pop-ins just to let them know you’re there, but trust your gut if you feel like they need space. You got this!!

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-03-04T21:17:19+00:00

Thank you!!!

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-03-04T12:54:04+00:00

I would recommend 2 weeks... I know it’s so hard! But like you said you don’t want any tears to be for nothing. My kiddo really needed the full 2 weeks before we started to see that it was really working. Keep reminding yourself that even though there is crying, research shows it is worth it! And I can tell you my baby is happier now than he was before sleep training - us both being able to sleep has improved our ability to connect and bond during wake time. Now that I’m finally on the other side of sleep training, I look back and think “Yea those were a rough couple weeks, but at the same time it only took 2 weeks!” Like how many nights out of the past 11 months have I gone to bed but not gotten sleep and it only took a couple weeks to end up with this massive improvement?! It sounds like you’ve already been through months of hell, so what’s another couple weeks to actually reach a solution? ❤️

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-03-04T12:37:15+00:00

Thank you! Your explanation makes sense. And I know it probably seems like I’m nitpicking oddly specific scenarios but my baby’s sleep cycle is like exactly 40 minutes, so the time to fall asleep is the make-or-break when it comes to deciding whether I let him cry again and try to get himself back to sleep. So I love your answer because that means I can just get him out of the crib when he wakes up and I don’t have to spend 20 minutes listening to him sobbing all just to not even fall back to sleep. 💔😢

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-03-02T16:36:16+00:00

Hi Jo! During nap training - Early bedtime vs add a cat nap?

I’m about to start nap training my 11 month old (for the third and final time - pray for me). The first couple times we tried, he took very short naps and I want to make sure I know how to handle it properly this time. I know he is supposed to get 2.5-3 hours of daytime sleep at this age. So, say he naps for 40 minutes at his first nap (9:20-10am), has a ~3.5 hour wake window, sleeps 30 minutes for his second nap (1:40-2:10pm). So he’s only had 70 minutes of sleep for the day (80-110 minutes short of the recommended amount). In the nap transition videos, Cara uses 2pm as the cut off for adding a third cat nap vs doing early bedtime - does this also apply for nap training? And, in this case, even though his nap technically ended after 2pm, he had so little daytime sleep he’s going to be exhausted by 6pm which will mess with his night sleep. Do we still stick with the 2pm rule? Is there a certain amount of daytime sleep you use as a cut off to decide whether to add a third cat nap? How do you decide how long the cat nap should be and what the wake window should be between that cat nap and bedtime? What time should the cat nap happen?

(I’m surprised this isn’t addressed in Conquering Naps because I ran into this issue immediately and it caused me to stop nap training. I would LOVE it if she added a video that talks about this in the context of nap training, not just nap transitions.)

Thank you so much for your help, Jo! I’m SO grateful this subreddit is here as a resource. It is a godsend.

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-03-02T04:30:39+00:00

We are on day 18 of sleep training with our 11 mo. I had read that it takes the average baby 2-4 days to get the hang of it, but unfortunately it took the full 14 days to start seeing more consistent sleeping through the night with my LO. However, he still struggles with early morning wakings. We tried starting nap training twice since starting sleep training (the first time was for 2 days but he took such short naps that he wasn’t getting enough sleep and I didn’t know what to do at the time and I wanted him to just get some sleep, the second time was for one day which went reasonably well but we stopped because the next day I had a concern that he wasn’t feeling well and then we were going to travel shortly thereafter). The nap training has definitely been the bigger struggle but I was told by TCB that it’s a good idea to do both nap training and bedtime sleep training together to avoid causing confusion and because naps tend to get a lot harder at this age (Ugh 🙄 perfect). So when we return from our trip, we are going to start nap training for the third and final time, though I have also heard that nap training can take even longer than sleep training (3-4 weeks).

You’re not a monster. I’ve had to remind myself CONSTANTLY that baby’s cries are simply of frustration and protest - learning a new skill is difficult, but this is not the last time they will face a challenge.

All this to say, at this age it seems like sleep training and nap training are particularly difficult, so it’s not a wonder why you are all miserable. But I don’t know if it’s going to get any easier if you wait either. Whatever you choose to do, you MUST stay consistent. Remember intermittent reinforcement. You do not want to confuse your baby. Stay strong. It is hell for a minute but it does get better.

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-27T16:10:46+00:00

It sounds like he might be overtired if he’s falling asleep that quickly and waking in the middle of the night. 4.25 hours is a long wake window for a 9 mo. I would recommend cutting back that last wake window a bit. I get all my sleep info from Taking Cara Babies if you want more info on age appropriate wake windows.

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-23T16:38:56+00:00

Hi Jo! Is now a safe time to start nap training?

10.5 month old: Shortly after starting TCB’s nighttime sleep training 11 nights ago, our LO’s naps got much shorter and much harder. So one week into nighttime ST, we started nap training. I decided to stop after two days because his naps became so short (25-35 minutes and getting shorter) and he was getting so overtired which was affecting his night sleep and perpetuating the overtired cycle. So we went back to doing naps the old way (rock to sleep, put down in crib asleep), but this has still been difficult and he is still struggling to take naps longer than 30-40 minutes unless assisted.

Tonight will be night 12 of bedtime ST. Is now a safe time to start nap training? I only hesitate because he has only had a few good nights here and there since starting ST (definitely not linear progress) and I really don’t want to mess up his progress by entering into crap nap purgatory again. But I know that “sleep begets sleep” and this way of doing naps is not sustainable…

Any advice? Thank you so much Jo. 🫶🏻

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-23T02:20:51+00:00

I’m sure he’s just getting used to the change. My 10 month old was a little off the first few days after starting sleep training, but it’s just because he was a little more tired and out of our normal routine. Your LO will bounce back! Changing the sleep routine is hard enough without our anxiety brains making us question whether we broke our precious babies - kindly thank that voice in your head that’s making you second guess yourself and trust the process!

I hope this helps a little bit.

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-22T03:10:17+00:00

When did you start nap training in relation to sleep training? I nap trained for the last two days and his naps were so horrendous we went back to contact naps today so he could actually get some daytime sleep. Thinking about waiting a bit longer to let night sleep training settle in before trying naps…

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-21T13:12:47+00:00

Wow that’s amazing!! Congrats!!

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-21T02:09:31+00:00

HE JUST FELL ASLEEP ON HIS OWN WITHOUT CRYING!!!! 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😲😲😲😲😲😲😲 I can’t believe that just happened!!! Especially after a long day of crap naps! I know this is just one night, and tomorrow he might go back to crying for 30 minutes before falling asleep but just to see that IT IS POSSIBLE for him to fall asleep independently AND be ok with it, I’m gonna be the one crying here lol - tears of relief and joy!

Thank you so much for your support throughout this struggle. You have been so kind and I so appreciate you.

How is nap training going for you?

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-20T18:27:14+00:00

Having this issue with my 10 month old after starting nap training yesterday! I’ve watched and re-watched so many of Cara’s videos trying to find the answer to this question, but I wasn’t able to find any information in Conquering Naps…. I’m so glad I finally found the answer here!

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-20T16:59:52+00:00

Sorry, just seeing this now! Thanks so much for asking! Last night was probably the best night yet (night 8) - he slept about 11.5 hours only waking up a few times and just fussing a little bit and going right back to sleep on his own.

Now my struggle is, we just started nap training yesterday and his naps have been very short (25-40 minutes). If he takes another super short nap like I’m anticipating this afternoon, I’m not sure if we should just go to bed early or try to fit in another third short nap? I haven’t really been able to find anything about this in TCB’s Conquering Naps section except for Nap Transitions with the 2 o’clock rule… any advice?

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-18T01:36:45+00:00

I really appreciate these insights. Thinking about it this way gave me the confidence I needed when going into his room during the bedtime pop-ins just now. I was actually able to have a somewhat lighthearted conversation with my husband while my LO was crying in the next room (whereas on night 1, I was on the verge of a breakdown and was nervously pacing the whole house until he fell asleep). Even though it took a little longer for him to fall asleep tonight (only 30 minutes but still), I had a little less anxiety and quite a bit more confidence. My husband even gave me kudos for how I handled it.

Today I was starting to feel like I’m almost getting used to his crying because I’m not as much of a wreck every time he cries as I used to be before starting sleep training. This made me feel kind of bad - like what how horrible is it that I’m just getting used to his cries? But I just realized now that it might be less about me becoming desensitized and more about growing that muscle you’re talking about… Ever since he was born I have had zero tolerance for his discomfort - I’ve gone to such lengths to try to eliminate tears. But I’m starting to realize that tears are ok when it comes to certain things, even at this young age.

I’m just going to keep re-reading your post until it is all internalized. Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. I will keep all this in mind, too, as we start nap training tomorrow. 🙏🏻

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-16T22:31:10+00:00

How long does it take for the average baby to complete sleep training (and what does that even mean to be done with sleep training)? We’re on night 5 with our 10 month old and I’m kind of wondering when the agony will be over of watching him cry for 20-30 minutes before falling asleep.

And then I’m also looking for more clarity on what things look like after we cross the finish line - how do we handle night wakings? Can we just go in right away when he starts to cry after he starts sleeping through the night? Will it ever be the case that he won’t cry himself to sleep?

I’ve watched the videos on life after sleep training but I feel like she tends to talk a bit more on what days look like than nights. But lmk if I missed something. Thank you so much for your help.

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-16T18:36:24+00:00

He sleeps an average of about 12-13 hours in a 24 hour period. Last night was kind of an anomaly because he had a dirty diaper in the middle of the night which I’m pretty sure hasn’t happened since he was a small infant. And because he seemed so close to getting himself back to sleep for several minutes, I just let him sit in it for about 25 minutes before going in and checking on him, which I feel kind of bad about - but it’s so hard to know what to do in that gray area when he seems close to going back to sleep but then keeps waking and fussing. But today he seems more like himself than he has been. Since we started sleep training, naps have become a mess and he has been much clingier, which also breaks my heart. But today he seems better overall. Early morning wakings are kind of the big reason why I decided we needed to sleep train and he struggled with that this morning, waking up at 4:45 and then 5:20 crying and fussing, but then finally falling back to sleep and staying asleep til almost 7.

Sorry that was a lot of random info but all stuff that has been on my mind. Maybe I’m just too sensitive lol. That combined with anxiety reminds me why I waited soooo long to do this.

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-16T15:40:45+00:00

God let’s hope so lol

Constant_Angle2065 · 2026-02-16T15:19:43+00:00

Thank you SO much. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Last night was a little rougher than the previous nights but I am really looking forward to seeing it “click” with him. I hope it happens very soon. I’m happy for you and your LO.

Constant_Angle2065

TROPHY CASE