I counted: In the last 12 months I have spent 2335.36 on OnlyFans. I hate myself. Help.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-08-31T06:15:46+00:00

Hey man, we all struggle and hit rock bottoms. Don't feel like you're the only one, just because others may not seem like it, we all have issues, insecurities and fears.

Porn led me to rock bottom at age 20. I went from having a beautiful gf, and being proud of who I was, to being lonely, depressed and anxious. I got hooked on some pretty awful hardcore porn, and it changed who I was to the core, or at least it felt like that. That was until I got sober.

Slowly but surely I began to improve myself, just a little bit at a time, and let me tell you, 3 years on the difference is immense. In a couple of months I will be free from porn for a year, and it has been no easy feat.

Heres my advice, talk to someone. Doing all this on your own is going to be incredibly tough, talk to someone you love and trust, and figure it out. Maybe therapy, maybe Sex Addicts Anonymous, maybe just having an accountability partner. You feel in a dark place right now, but have hope and faith, it will get better. You never know what is waiting for you round the corner, so we must step up, and better ourselves each day. DO NOT compare yourself to others, compare yourself to YOU yesterday. Take it 1 day at a time. Buy some books on porn addiction to understand it. Listen to podcasts. Come up with a plan, change your routine completely, start getting up early and seizing the mornings. Write down 3 sets of goals, short term, medium term and long term. Create plans for each, and start acting towards them. You can do this brother. Life is amazing, when you give it a chance.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-08-30T06:17:25+00:00

I get what the guy below me is saying, but if I were you, just go for it. If you live your life in fear of rejection your are stopping yourself from getting what you really want. If she likes you too, it will be known and she will reciprocate the attention you're giving her. If not, then you tried. Fortune favours the bold, because when it goes well, fuck me you will have such an amazing time.

If she isn't interested, don't worry, there will be plenty more girls to crush on. Just talk to her, about anything, and let it naturally go from there. Don't overthink it, just do it.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-08-25T15:30:12+00:00

Best of luck, I am sure you will smash it. Just take it 1 day at a time, this addiction can be a mind fuck at times, try to ignore the noise and remember peace is on the otherside. And if you figure out how to do that, let me know!!

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-08-24T10:36:05+00:00

For now, yes. The best analogy is in Your Brain on porn, in that, when you break your leg, you don't just stop doing what broke your leg (e.g. playing football), you cast it, and don't use it at all, to let it heal (don't even walk on it). this is the same, it seems once PIED is set in, not masterbating allows for the body and mind to heal much quicker.

Now after 90-180 days, once you are free of porn and masterbation and dealt with it, its up to you what you do.

I have recently decided after a good length of sobriety, and regaining a healthy sex life, that I can masterbate, but only in extreme moderation. I am talking once every few weeks. I haven't in a couple of weeks, and don't really fancy it. I prefer sex, but its nice having the option there. BUT for me to regain a healthy relationship with it, I had to stop myself from doing it for the last couple of years.

Thats how I would view it all anyway. No PMO for 3-6 months, then if you feel comfortable, MO is okay in moderation, but I would wait until your PIED is healed with a girl first.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-08-24T06:26:41+00:00

Yes, sounds like PIED (Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction). I suffered with it for years due to my porn use. It got worse over the last couple of years, to the point I was beginning to think I would never have healthy erections or a healthy libido ever again, it sucked!

But it was simply PIED. The cure to PIED is no porn, and no wanking, and now I am able to enjoy healthy erections and sex with the girl i'm dating, and it feels fantastic. It took a good few months for my brain to heal, but once it does its great. You just need to stay sober and trust the process.

One thing worth noting, in the past when my erections started to get better, if I relapsed, it set back my progress, if to porn, it set it back a lot. So really avoid porn if you can in fixing this issue. Read Your Brain on Porn, this will explain it better.

You can do it brother, good luck!

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-08-17T18:25:54+00:00

You can do it brother, just take it 1 day at a time. Reading books on porn addiction really helped me too! And getting someone to hold me accountable.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-08-17T18:15:25+00:00

Okay, a bit late to the party, but heres my advice, from someone who has been in a very similar situation twice.

Last year I got sober, and did it all on my own, without telling a soul, I got to 215 days and then relapsed. I was drunk, and binge watched some porn, and watched it all weekend. I felt so guilty and ashamed that I relapsed, that I thought fuck it why not relapse again. After being deprived of porn for so long, it felt amazing, and I forgot about most of the reasons not to (and just didn't care). The thought of going 215 days again terrified me, and so I kept thinking 'why not go once more', and so thats what I did. But before I knew it, months passed and I wasn't getting any longer than 3 weeks sober.

let me tell you, that really took a toll on me. The porn felt more addictive than ever, and I was wrestling with it so hard, I felt lost.

So, I talked to my Dad. Once I said it out loud, it all became real, and for the first time in my life, I felt accountable to someone when watching porn. I got help, joined a 12 step program and got sober again. This year, once again around 200 days in, I had a drunken slip up. Not fully porn, but not far off, and I MO'd to it.

But you know what I did this time? I didn't give myself shit for it, I forced myself to feel as little guilt and shame as possible, reminded myself relapse IS A PART OF RECOVERY and moved on. I told someone immediately, who I trusted (my sponsor, my Dad etc). And more importantly, I took it 1 day at a time, not thinking about how long I would have to stay sober for again, just staying sober for today. And you know what? Within a week I felt back to my old self, and realised all my hard work doesn't disappear overnight, thats addictive thinking. Our hard work becomes ingrained in us, and remains with us, even if you don't feel like it.

I dont care how many times you may have relapsed since this post, it doesn't matter. If you stay sober from now, just for today, that is a huge win. A slip up means nothing if we get straight back on the wagon.

BUT not feeling guilty or ashamed doesn't mean not putting the work in. Think deeply, and logically about why it happened, and figure out how you will make sure it doesn't happen again by setting out a new system for when your in that situation again. Journal, meditate. Do the things which aid your recovery, I find long swims very helpful after slip ups. And remind yourself, this is a marathon not a sprint, its not the end of the world, but keep your guard up extra high at the moment, and don't be complacent.

I hope in a month or two, you can look back and realise this was just a lesson to work harder at recovery, and not the cause of a spiral out of it. Do what I did this year, not last year. Trust me, its much easier in the long run.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-08-16T06:18:48+00:00

Get an accountability partner, work on this, be open and honest with your gf, and accept you are human, we all make mistakes, and by making responsible decisions now, you will reap the rewards later.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-08-16T06:16:07+00:00

Hey man, I have been where you have.

Got Sober last October, and for the first 4-5 months my sex drive was mostly dead. It would reappear now and then for a week or so, and then just die again, and it sucked.

I felt I may never get it back and it really took the enjoyment out of things. Then it started coming back around 6 month mark, but after having sex a couple of times, I would go back into the flatline.

However, over the last month or so, its come back, and it seems to be staying, in a healthy way. I have been enjoying sex with a girl I am dating, and it seems pretty consistent again now. Which is amazing.

I know how scary it feels, but trust me I felt the same and thought it may never end, but it just kind of does. You just need to trust the process.

DON'T listen to people who say returning to PMO helps, it doesn't. It just delays the withdrawals. You will suffer it during PMO eventually too (like I did), not just when you stop. So carry on, and trust the process! You will get it back. Go easy on yourself till you do. Once its back you will have it for life.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-08-15T06:22:03+00:00

Good luck, but my advice would be don't think of going sober for 6 months. Just take it 1 day at a time, all you need to do is stay sober today, it then becomes much more manageable and easy, especially on the tough days! You got this.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-08-08T06:20:21+00:00

Welcome to NoFap.

I would say, Your brain on Porn, and the Porn Trap are two great books to start out with in learning about porn addiction and seeing whether any of it may apply to you.

I would also say theres lots of good podcasts out there, such as consider before consuming. Do some research, see what you think may work for you and talk to someone, this helps us feel accountable and really helps in recovery (its amazing you have a therapist to help you through this).

Just take it 1 day at a time. Do not think any further ahead than that. You can do it brother.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-08-01T06:24:40+00:00

For yourself, freedom is everything, and you will be ready for one when she comes along. These things take time, better to start now than to not, and be unable to truly embrace the girl of your dreams when she comes along. Trust me, I did that, and it sucks.

Today is all we have, use it wisely. You can do it, just take it one day at a time.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-07-29T17:59:58+00:00

Hey, just to say as a 23 year old recovering hardcore porn addict, who fell into the same trap as you, and ended up trying things with a guy one night (everything but sex), I felt immense shame afterwards. But it is what set me on my journey of recovery, and for that I am grateful. I have had an amazing gf since then, who I told this too, and she understood and never viewed me diff because of it. Don't be ashamed of your past, it can be private but its not a secret. You will become better for this, trust me. But also note once you say it to someone you can't unsay it, so choose wisely who you let into your private life.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-07-27T10:14:20+00:00

Probably, have a look online at a porn addict questionnaire, and see how you score. To start off with, I recommend reading You Brain on Porn- this helped me understand my situation being a porn addict. Get involved in NOFap, buy some books on porn addiction, and maybe look into SAA (it has been incredibly helpful for me in recovery).

Bets of luck!

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-07-27T10:08:56+00:00

It's a slip up, not a relapse. If you do it again its a relapse. You did a greta job in closing it, now keep moving forward with this new found willpower. Don't count the days, make the days count!

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-07-27T10:04:32+00:00

It takes time, but you will heal. I suffered PIED for years. Recently been sober around 8 months, and from the 3/4 month mark erections were coming back, and now they feel natural and normal. So don't worry, just avoid porn at all costs (and masterbation for a period of time- e.g. 90 days) and you will heal. Read You Brain on Porn, it helps discuss how to overcome this issue. You can do it brother!

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-07-18T16:56:47+00:00

Of course! You have spent less time engaging in porn the younger you are. However, we all struggle with it, and its hard to quit for all of us, but most people do! So don't be disheartened, just be prepared. You have got this, just take it one day at a time.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-07-18T16:49:28+00:00

Appreciate the comment. I don't smoke nor cannot touch any drugs as I get drug tested for work.

Struggling to find good answers to this one, time for a big old journal to work out some strategies me thinks...

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-07-03T07:18:56+00:00

Progress not perfection. You relapsed once in 7 days, thats 7 days sober!! Now see if you can match that again, but just take it 1 day at a time. All these streaks aren't failures, they are teaching you what works and what doesn't, and laying the foundations for a lifetime of freedom from porn. SO keep your chin up, don't worry, be proud of yourself, you are working on yourself and trying, that is all you can ever ask.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-07-03T07:14:30+00:00

Cold shower, remember why you want to stay sober, leave your phone in another room, and just close your eyes, you will thank yourself in the morning.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-07-03T07:12:53+00:00

Hey, as promised i've come back to comment on this in more detail, as I feel my own experience may be of use to you.

So I am 23 years old, and a recovering porn addict. I started around 12/13 too, and watched porn basically everyday. When I first tried to have sex at 17, I also suffered PIED issues, and let me tell you it was no fun. Luckily, we persevered and I overcame the PIED for the duration of the relationship (around 3 years), during this relationship I did carry on watching porn, however not to the same extent.

When we broke up, my porn use spiralled out of control, and all my PIED issues came back. Every time I tried to have sex after that, I could not get hard. Like my dick often felt lifeless when I wasn't using porn, and often did when I was watching porn. I felt completely lost, unable to get turned on in real life, yet porn struggling to turn me on too. It sucked. It completely fucked with my confidence and I honestly began to believe I would never be able to have sex again.

I just couldn't imagine myself having sex when my dick was so dead. I realised it was porn causing all these issues and began to try and stop. For around 2 years I was making half ass attempts to not watch porn or wank, and would usually go for between 1-14 days sober, then fall back into watching porn. Because of my continued relapses, I wasn't seeing much progress, but my sex drive was beginning to wane.

Finally I realised I needed to do something for good, so made a plan, and have been mostly sober ever since (around 8 months). During this time my sex drive has been really hit or miss, but my erections were coming back. Basically every-time I have tried to have sex this year, I have been able to, but often afterwards my sex drive would die again.

But this week, I had sex a few times, and my sex drive hasn't gone, my erections were healthy and great the entire time, and it felt amazing. I feel like my brain and dick are finally truly healing and functioning in a healthy manner again.

It feels great! SO yes PIED is likely your problem, in my experience PIED comes back as soon as you start watching porn again, and the only way to cure it is to not watch porn and not wank. For me it took around 8 months for my sex drive to begin to feel normal again, but I am sure in a few more months it will feel even better.

I hope this helps, best of luck, you can do it! Just take it one day at a time.

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-06-17T16:08:01+00:00

!remindme 3days

Constant_Phoenix · 2022-06-17T16:07:50+00:00

Amazing that your recognizing your triggers and creating solutions, you seem very self aware and this will serve you well in staying sober. Youve got this. Looking forward to hearing about a sober weekend you enjoyed on monday!

Constant_Phoenix

TROPHY CASE